I think I'm gonna lose it...

[kblackthorne]

For the past... Oh, I don't know... week?

My 2 1/2 year old has been coming into our room and waking us by 6am. Won't go back to sleep, announces he's hungry... so... we're up now, right?

Yesterday, we were both too exhausted... I tried to convey the idea of "It's night-night time still. We'll come get you wen it's time to wake".

No good.

In fact, he spent most of the day that we were together (I dumped him at daycare for several hours, just to get a break) deliberately breaking rules and generally being as irritating as he could.

What did he get for his efforts?

He got to go to "school". He got to go to the dojo and play with the toys there (and do somersaults). He got to go to the pool, afterwards, with Daddy (who thought it might be a good idea to wear him out).

What did we get?

Our dinner (ravioli) dumped in the sink. (When Daddy tried to drain it.) And a 5:30 wake-up call this morning.

I really can't frelling take this anymore. I'm less than 6 weeks post-partum: I need to be getting rest, and I don't even know what sleep looks like.

He is enjoying being naughty, doing everything he knows he shouldn't. When I try to punish him, he laughs, like it's the greatest game in the world.

(Misbehaved several times this morning after I came downstairs. I had him sit on the couch by himself. So he sat on the couch & tried to do headstands. Then I threatened to put him alone in his crib, upstairs... He cried, asked for the couch instead. Lay down on it... and kept peeping up to see if I noticed how much fun he was having.)

I'm really at the end of it.

I feel like I'm a danger... to myself or him, I'm really not sure which. (Or at least who I'm the bigger danger to.)

My husband's no help. He looks at me and says, "I don't know what to do." Um... I just told you I'm ready to suicide. I need your help -- not for you to put it all back on me.

No, this isn't PPD. This is sleep-deprivation, combined with a complete inability to deal with the situation... Big on the sleep deprivation right now.

(Depression & I are old friends, and I had PPD with Arthur, took Zoloft for it.)

But I swear, I can't stand the sight of my toddler right now. I want to make him go away... far away... where I never have to see or hear him again...

And I don't know what to do...

[mommy2abigail]

I couldn't read this and not respond. Your 2 yo is not delibrately trying to make you insane. He is being 2. Just keep that in mind and with a change of heart, it can really help you be objective towards his behavior. You really need to enlist your dh or someone to help. Take ds to the park, the pool the gym whatever. It is not a reward. It is allowing him to get his energy out. Order food out for a few weeks, or ask friends or family to drop off meals. Or cook in a crock pot, you really can't screw that up! Your ds's life has changed ALOT in the past 6 weeks, and he is just trying to make sense of it all. It will get better. This too shall pass. Let everything (I mean EVERYTHING that is not a health risk) go. Dont worry about cleaning, cooking, or errands. Just rest at home. And involve ds as much as you can with the new babe. HTH

[elizawill]

i just wanted to tell you how much i understand. my dd was 2 1/2 when my ds was born and it was the most difficult time of my motherhood. i remember thinking, HOW DO PEOPLE HAVE TWO CHILDREN??????? let alone 3 or 4 or 5 i really remember thinking, "i do NOT like my daughter right now". it sounds awful but i really felt that way and i felt so awful about it.

things honestly DO get better though, i promise! does you toddler still nap? if so, you and the baby need to nap all at the same time. also, try to go to sleep early, so you will feel rested at 6:00am when he wakes. maybe when he wakes up, you could put on a video and give him a sippy to watch TV while you continue to rest on the couch or something?? my ds wakes up at 7:00am every morning like clockwork....i let him watch TV while i brew coffee and try to wake-up myself, yk? anyway...BIG HUGS to you mama. it will get better, and this too shall pass!!!




i just wanted to add...if you really feel that sleep-deprived and feel like you want to hurt yourself or your toddler......you may want to see a doctor and make sure you don't have postpartum depression.

i assume your message was written in the heat of the moment and it was mostly venting....., but if i'm wrong and you really feel like that frequently....it would be important to address that. anyway, hugs to you mama!!

[Terrilein]

Wow! That's so tough! I'd definitely let your DH know that he WILL take over the toddler for at least 2 hours every day so that you can stay sane. "I don't know what to do" is an invitation to start figuring out what to do. And ditto the suggestions above about ordering out/asking friends or family to help out with meals/household. Hang in there!

[quietserena]

Maybe your DH can take charge of the toddler, separating the family as it were for a little while while you recoup. It could be that he's having a hard time with the new baby and doesn't know how to deal better. My neighbor did this and it seemed to have worked for them. Her DH and DS were a 'team' for the two weeks that her DH was home. Her DS was 20 months at the time. The two of them did everything together, even to wearing the same colored clothes. They ate together, slept together (which they hadn't done before and it was an adventure) and they also cooked and did laundry. They did 'meal delivery service' and 'diaper delivery service' to the mom and he got to hold his baby sister sometimes. Her DH taught the little boy to whisper so not to wake his sister up. (They're still working on this a year later.)

Basically, they put him in a routine where he was watched all the time by the father and kept busy doing real life chores but in such a way as to be helping his mom and his baby sister. And the dad groomed him for when he had to go back to work all the time. "Now, son, when I go back to work, you're going to be the man of the house when I'm working so you'll be doing thing to help your mom." I mean he's still a toddler so a little crazy but at least he was calmer.

The downside is that then the DH wasn't available to help with the newborn care as much.

I hope this make sense and that it can help you too.

[kblackthorne]

I do not have post partum depression. I have lack of sleep. They are not the same thing.

My husband recently started a new job (last Monday) and cannot take any more time off. (He already had to take Friday off to take care of me, after a bad reaction to some local anesthesia.)

My son already helps with the baby. I used to baby-sit, so he "gets" it... loves holding his sister, changing her, etc.


And, when he endlessly asks the same question -- with a grin like it's a big game -- I have every reason to believe that he knows what he's doing just as much as I did at his age. Ditto with deliberately doing something he knows he shouldn't with that same grin.

No -- giving in and letting him get us (or even just me) up at 5-6 am is NOT an acceptable option.

I really wish I had time to cook, like someone suggested. Honestly, I know how -- I simply don't have the opportunity, what with constantly having to battle my son AND take care of his sister.... Ravioli last night was just because it was quick (boil water, heat the sauce). And then, in an instant, we had nothing to eat, so I had to go grab fast food... exactly what we were trying to avoid.

The stupid thing? He's sleeping right now -- fell asleep before 10 am, and -- since I was in the car on the way home -- there wasn't much I could do to keep him awake. So now he's resting, and I can't.

(Just tried for an hour... nothing. And now the baby's crying with gas, so I'm down here taking care of her. It'll be a while before she settles enough for me to try to drift off again.)

And I'm still just too mad to sleep anyway.


Gods... I know I'm sounding bitchy to people who are just trying to help me. Really, it's not (collective) you I'm mad at. I'm sorry.

Ah, frell.. he just woke up... screaming....

[chfriend]

Pick up Siblings without Rivalry to get a sense of the loss he is feeling as you have dumped him for a younger, more demanding model.

Sleepless in America is a great read about sleep.

It's not his fault that you are not getting enough sleep. You have a 6 week old and that the absolute bottom of new parents not getting enough sleep.

Your household has experienced a lot of change (new job, new baby) in a very short time. Your 2 year old is responding *normally* to those changes with sleep disturbances and a greater need for you and your partner's attention.

[NotTheOnlyOne]

can you put both of the kids in a stroller and go for a walk? That way you dont have to chase him and maybe it will be peaceful. Put on some soothing music.... turn off the tv's. SIt on the floor and build towers out of blocks, give him some cups and a bucket of water on the kitchen floor and help him scoop and pour....

It really sounds like he is reacting to your negative feelings. He is seeking approval from the one person he could count on to love him unconditionally. he needs to be reassured that you still love him even though the new baby is there.

Make your home as peaaceful and quiet and relaxing as you can and sit down and DO something with him. Maybe make an effort to spend 15 minutes sessions with him twice a day...

[LilyGrace]

Let him be self sufficient in the mornings.

Before you go to bed, put a bowl of cereal in the fridge, some fruit, or a special bun/breakfast bar. He can eat that while you spend a few more minutes lounging and getting ready to get up. Then you can spend your first few minutes with him enjoying him instead of jumping into work.

You can take it a bit further as he gets the hang of it and give him a cheap cabinet like you can find at Target and put together. Fill it with placemats, tablewear, a crumber, a stack of rags, and a spray bottle of soap and water. Teach him how to set his own place (go around the utensils, cup, and plate with a bleach pen on the placemat for a guide), how to clean it up, and how to be more independent. As he gets older you can incorporate cooking/prep utensils and small recipe guides for quick snacks (cheese and crackers, ants on a log...)

[mamaduck]

Its my opinion that its Daddy's job to get up at 6am with your toddler and take him into a different part of the house to play until its time for him to start getting ready for work. Or even longer, if he can get ready and watch the kid at the same time.

DH and I used to switch off mornings with our early riser, but you being postpartum and you being up nights with an infant changes the balance a little, I think.

[mavery]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I only have one ds so I haven't been in your shoes, but I wanted to respond to one thing you said that I don't think anyone's addressed:

Originally Posted by kblackthorne

He is enjoying being naughty, doing everything he knows he shouldn't. When I try to punish him, he laughs, like it's the greatest game in the world.

My son has been the absolute master of this behaviour. Maniacal laugh, running around the house bringing destruction and chaos wherever he goes.
In this situation, punishment has never worked. It raises the stakes, and for him is a "success" -- he has gained our undivided attention and has demonstrated his power. His laugh makes me madder and we disintegrate. The only thing that gets us out of this is if dh and I simply refuse to engage in the power struggle, fix what needs to be fixed and then move on -- which is easier said than done.

In your case, it really sounds like your ds is grieving the loss of your attention and is finding that he regains it by being naughty. The fact that the attention is negative doesn't matter so much -- at least he has shown he is still significant and can have some control in the household.

Can you hire a local teenager to come in and help you out? Since it's summer it might not be too hard to find someone. If you can have someone to help you with the baby so you can pay more attention to your son it might help you both a great deal.

[starry_mama]

Originally Posted by mamaduck

Its my opinion that its Daddy's job to get up at 6am with your toddler and take him into a different part of the house to play until its time for him to start getting ready for work. Or even longer, if he can get ready and watch the kid at the same time.

DH and I used to switch off mornings with our early riser, but you being postpartum and you being up nights with an infant changes the balance a little, I think.

I agree. My older son Danny wakes at about 5am every morning and always has. DH almost ALWAYS wakes with him. He has to get up and get ready for work soon anyway.