Why can't she like Polly Pocket and other froo froo stuff?

[nextcommercial]

I have a three year old daycare child who until she came to me, had never seen a character before. Disney or otherwise.

But, since she is now in the company of other girls, she has decided that she loves the frilly stuff.

We have dress up clothes, but she only likes the dresses, and sparkley shoes, and the purple purse. I have dog costumes, and doctor kits, but she doesn't have any interest in them.

She loves to sit at the counter and play Polly Pockets. I have blocks and legos, but she doesn't have any interest in them.

I bought a bunch of flannel wipes from a WAHM to wash their hands and faces after lunch. TWO of them have disney princesses on them. Those are the ones she asks for.

The other girls have Dora T-shirts. She wants one too. The other girls have disney Panties, she only has plain white, and wants the "pretty panties".

Mom says "That isn't who we are" She would like me to discourage her from playing with the girly things, and encourage her to play with the dr kit, and the building toys. She has even hinted that I get rid of all the "girly toys". I said, "sure, if you replace them with toys that are more to your liking".
(she would like me to buy a train set and table) But, I am certainly not going to go out and buy a train set and train table. I don't have space for a train table anyway.
What on earth is wrong with this child having a natural attraction to shiny girly stuff? It's not like I have Barbies, or princess dolls here. We don't watch much TV, and when we do, it's usually sing-a-long songs.

Why is it so bad for her to love this stuff???

[j924]

It sounds like a forbidden fruit issue. It must be disconcerting for the mom to have worked so hard to steer her dd away from commercial/"typical girly" things to now have her somewhat obsessed with them. I have had parent reactions similar to this(although usually with the boys playing dress up What has worked with me is to rotate the toys Pollys on a Monday blocks on Tuesday etc. That way all the kids get a bit of time with all the different toys. It also appeases the mom with out you having to exert too much effort.

[erin_d_a]

I can understand not wanting your kids to get caught up in commercialism or hoping to raise them without pressuring them toward "girl" or "boy" toys, but some kids just are drawn to those thing. My DD saw a dora doll in the store when she was nine months old and had never seen the show and FELL in love with that doll. Some kids just like stuff for whatever reason.

If it is a gender neutral thing, well you can try to raise your kids in that way, but sometimes girls are going to go fru fru and boys are going to go for the tractors (and the other way too) You can't be so ridgid in what YOU want for your kids that you don't let them be who they are.

[Quinalla]

I don't think it is bad at all. As long as there is a variety of toys and you aren't "pushing" one type or another on the child, I don't see the problem. The child herself has chosen what she likes and I am sure she will change her mind many, many times as she grows up. Some girls love the girly stuff and some don't. I am not into most girly things, but my sister is much more so and we were raised about the same.

Having no girly toys would be silly IMO. As long as you have a good variety, then I think you are fine. And if you can do some kind of toy rotation as the other poster suggested, at least for a more structured hour or so, that may help as well.

[PrennaMama]

I feel you. I take issue with (I was a nanny and pre-school teacher for years) parents who do this imposition thing. "What I like and approve of must be what my child is drawn to... and I would like to eliminate anything that isn't in keeping with what my preferences are..." The whole girly-stuff-debaucle just gets old. So you were a tom-boy... so you liked climbing trees and playing with a science kit... that does not mean your little girl will follow in your foot steps.

My mom told us all about what a tom-boy she was, ad nauseum, throughout our childhood... refused to let me have Barbies or pink things until I was about 10... berated me for liking girly things to the point of brainwashing. Dd loves pricesses... she thought dresses were called princesses for a few months. "I want to wear a princess, please..." I'm not so into pink for myself, but she can go nuts on pink for all I care. I don't love the Disney Princesses... but if dd gets into them a bit, I'm not gonna freak out.

Stick with your approach; that if that mom wants to replace the toys she is suggesting you dispose of, fine. Maybe even go one further and try theme weeks/days. Rotate out the toys. One week is about castles, knights, princesses, etc... the books, toys, games, etc all center around the theme... then the next week it's Jungle theme... all animals, Africa, the Amazon, etc... kwim? Maybe she'd be more easy-going if the play were structured like that, so that it wasn't such a constant presence...

[ThreeBeans]

She's drawn to it because she's never seen it before.

That being said, I feel for the mom. Frankly, I don't want my daughter playing with that kind of stuff, either.

[loraxc]

To be perfectly honest, I sort of get it. I would prefer not to send DD to a daycare that had character items. (DD's doesn't have any.) I just hate the character obsession and Disney is not part of our value system. It would annoy the heck out of me if DD was begging me for princess panties.

I wouldn't have an issue with generic dress-up or doll play, but I am really trying to avoid the media-driven gimmee-gimmees.

[<~*MamaRose*~>]

Originally Posted by ThreeBeans

She's drawn to it because she's never seen it before.

That being said, I feel for the mom. Frankly, I don't want my daughter playing with that kind of stuff, either.

So how are you planning on getting around this problem yourself (I swear no snark just curious)?

[dancingmama]

I agree with loraxc. I totally support princess play -- love it, cuz dd loves it. But I HATE disney princess stuff. The rampant consumerism of it, the commercialization, all of it. I would not like it if our dcp had character stuff either. Girly/princess, fine no problem.

[cyncyn]

I feel for the mom too. When I was selecting daycare and preschool I did look at the toy selection to see if they were the kind of toys I like. By that I mean natural materials, non-commercial, open for creative play, etc. DD has very few character items or plastic toys, most were gifts that will eventually "go on vacation". She does enjoy playing with those items when she is with other kids. After she saw her cousin's brightly colored plastic dollhouse, she wanted one, even though she has a wooden one at home.

Seeing a bunch of Polly Pockets might have been a deal-breaker for me, if I was evaluating a new care provider. So would seeing a box of plastic Transformers or happy meal toys. It is more about the plastic and advertising tie-ins than whether they are girl or boy toys. But really, I don't get worked up over it. DDs current preschool does have some plastic items. The current favorite character toy there is My Little Pony, from the teacher's daughter's own stash. I didn't see those on my visits before enrolling her. Too bad dd's ponies went on vacation : (they'll be back soon for a visit - I'm not totally mean) DD much prefers the plastic frogs and turtles anyway.

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by loraxc

To be perfectly honest, I sort of get it. I would prefer not to send DD to a daycare that had character items. (DD's doesn't have any.) I just hate the character obsession and Disney is not part of our value system. It would annoy the heck out of me if DD was begging me for princess panties.

I wouldn't have an issue with generic dress-up or doll play, but I am really trying to avoid the media-driven gimmee-gimmees.

The only character item I have is the two Disney princess washrags.

The Polly Pockets were left over from my daughter. (It's not like I have an unlimited supply of money to replace all of my toys)

I do rotate the toys. In fact, the polly pockets only come out in the summer when I have the grade schoolers.

The rest of it comes over on the bodies of other children.

But, this mom has issues with ANYTHING that people would consider girly. Just the fact that she likes the dress-up sparkly shoes drives her insane.

One of the other girls has a cute little Gymnastics outfit. It's purple with an irridescant silver front that kind of changes colors. Then, it has a little purple skirt. This child has Gymnastics on Tuesdays, so i change her into it after naptime. The other little girl is just wild about it. She wants it so bad. I almost feel sorry for her because you can see how bad she wants that thing.

Her Mom tells her "not in a million years". (the kiddo keeps asking though LOL)

I just don't GET what is wrong with a girl liking those froo froo things. It's almost like a taboo to some people. This same Mom is perfectly O.K with her son liking these things though. HE walks out in the girly dressup shoes, and THAT is cute.

[stormborn]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

I just don't GET what is wrong with a girl liking those froo froo things. It's almost like a taboo to some people. This same Mom is perfectly O.K with her son liking these things though. HE walks out in the girly dressup shoes, and THAT is cute.

Now that makes it strange, IMO. How the heck does she explain that to her kids? Brother may play with the dress shoes but you can't? Weird.


Really... I am drowning in pink froofroo stuff from my girly girl (who some have expressed surprise that I spawned ) and would MUCH prefer that it would all go away. But that's who she IS, it wouldn't be right to try to change it. So I keep the opinions to myself. Most character things I won't buy, but if she gets them for gifts or handmedowns I don't forbid it.

[maxsmum]

I can't relate to this as a parent yet, but as a child who desperately wanted barbie. My mom and dad tried to do the gender nuetral thing with us (three girls). No frilly dresses, no sparkly anything, and no barbie. and what did I want, pink frilly everything and barbie. I really do think not letting me have it at all made me want it more. I still wish I had that stuff as a kid.

It is hard, where do you draw the line? I hate all of that commercialized crap - but will witholding all of it from my child make him a better person?

[PrennaMama]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

<snip>
I just don't GET what is wrong with a girl liking those froo froo things. It's almost like a taboo to some people. This same Mom is perfectly O.K with her son liking these things though. HE walks out in the girly dressup shoes, and THAT is cute.

See, that's not fair. And I know I may be alone in this, : but the girly froo froo aversion and a parent's attempts to impose that same ethic onto a small child is totally covert hostility and conditioning, and I'll even go as far as to say it's bordering on coercion. Especially encouraging an enjoyment of dress-up, etc, in the boy but dismissing it in the girl... that'll make her resent her brother along with her folks! Trying to build future feminists by brainwashing little girls into 'anti-commercialism' via girly froo froo aversion is manipulative and will likely backfire.

I totally agree that the Disney Pricesses are an insidous media-driven money making machine... ok. But if our reactions to commercialism come from an educated, tolerant, informed position, then our children will see that. Dd loves the Princesses... she was given a Cinderella dvd, and some Barbie Princess things too... jammies and plate/dish set. She has a generic princess tent, and sparkly shoes. She also has a fondness for cows that goes to point of sympathetic obsession. I will nurture her loves and desires in a healthy fashion... My hope is that she will never covet something to the point of fanaticism, because she will have access to the things that interest her, even if they don't interest me... and in a healthy, teachable way.

If mom doesn't like the toys you offer, and how you structure your daycare, she doesn't have to keep her dd there. You have no say in how other parents dress their children... if it's such a big deal, she should take it up with them.

[ThreeBeans]

Originally Posted by StrugglingMomX's2

So how are you planning on getting around this problem yourself (I swear no snark just curious)?

Not offended at all. I actually have no problem with my dd playing with girly 'stuff'. (Although to be honest she ignores her dolls in favor of her brother's trucks, while her brother goes and plays with her dolls. Go figure )

What I do object to is...commercialized 'girly' stuff. Disney princesses, for example *winces*. Let's just say, as much as I LOVE WDW, the Disney Princess phenomenon is not something I want my child to embrace as healthy.

I don't like commericalized boy-ey stuff either....you know...emblazoned superheros on powerwheels, that kind of thing.

[Demeter9]

While I might dislike the girly-girl stuff to an extent, it isn't my place to reverse engineer gender by disallowing my child to make crucial decisions about their own self.

So, for example, I see women and men like myself go to far. It is okay to adopt the OTHER gender's stereotypes but not okay to adopt the mainstream stereotypes.

Why do so few people not understand the deeply offensive and downright abuisive nature of wordlessly telling one's child that they are WRONG and even contemptible to identify as a girl or a boy as that child sees fit?

We seem to know it is wrong when a boy is being told not to wear ponytails - but if our boy is toy truck crazy and our girl wants to wear pink! Oh, the horrors! It is the same damn thing.

I think that girls and boys who are pushing back on their pushy parents (like me) are STRONG, and to be admired for being willing to stand up for themselves and their personal identity.

[Marcee]

My DD loves to dress up in all her froo-froo finery! She even wears it all to town. She loves all things girly. That is just her. But she also loves to play with her brothers stuff and they come and play teaparty with her. I just dont get it... Even in our "Redneck" family playing with toys is just that. They are just toys. I get so tired of parents trying to create the "perfect citizen" that they forget that they are just kids and kids like to play and pretend... Makes me sad for the kids...

[WalkingByFaith]

This is a daycare right? Other people pay for their children to come there too, not just this little girl, right?

IMO this mom is way out of line and has absolutely no right to ask you to remove toys because she doesn't want her dd playing with them. Some of those toys may be favorites for other children who attend..it's not fair to them. It's also not fair for her to ask you to discourage her dd from playing with certain items..that's just : .

If mom wants to keep those particular items out of her own home and discourage her dd from any type of stereotypical "girl play" while at home more power to her...but unless she's planning on raising her dd soley in a completely likeminded community she's going to have to come to grips with the fact that A) her dd is a girl B) some girls just like "girly" things and C) touching a Polly Pocket or putting on a pair of sparkly shoes isn't going to cause any serious or lasting harm to her dd.

[Throkmorton]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

I just don't GET what is wrong with a girl liking those froo froo things. It's almost like a taboo to some people. This same Mom is perfectly O.K with her son liking these things though. HE walks out in the girly dressup shoes, and THAT is cute.

Yep, makes no sense. She really cannot expect you to remove all the girl toys from your daycare. I wouldn't even do it if she offered to replace them. I mean, her own DS would be so heartbroken without sparkly shoes to wear! A PP said it is probably a forbidden fruit thing. The girl just wants sparkly dress up clothes and a baby. So what? My DS also likes sparkly clothes and his "baby"

I have tried to keep a balanced mix of girly/boyish toys in my house, but there is inevitably more boy stuff (DS is older, has many tonkas from relatives) I never believed that gender stereotypes could be so cut and dried at a young age (whether they are born that way, or just watch closely) until DD, who has never been in daycare or anything, put the transformers in the stroller, strapped them in, snuggled them up and drove them around the living room, singing lullabyes. She's 14 months.

[amitymama]

Originally Posted by Demeter9

While I might dislike the girly-girl stuff to an extent, it isn't my place to reverse engineer gender by disallowing my child to make crucial decisions about their own self.

So, for example, I see women and men like myself go to far. It is okay to adopt the OTHER gender's stereotypes but not okay to adopt the mainstream stereotypes.

Why do so few people not understand the deeply offensive and downright abuisive nature of wordlessly telling one's child that they are WRONG and even contemptible to identify as a girl or a boy as that child sees fit?

We seem to know it is wrong when a boy is being told not to wear ponytails - but if our boy is toy truck crazy and our girl wants to wear pink! Oh, the horrors! It is the same damn thing.

I think that girls and boys who are pushing back on their pushy parents (like me) are STRONG, and to be admired for being willing to stand up for themselves and their personal identity.

: