I think *I* am the problem

[Isis]

I'm lost right now and feel like a terribly mother. I'm 15 weeks pregnant and have been incredibly sick. I uprooted my son and husband and we are now living with my Mom to help care for me & my 3 yr. old and we plan on staying with her from now on. My ds LOVES my Mom, so it's been awesome for him in that aspect! BUT- she works and since I've been so incredibly sick, I allowed ds to watch TV ALL day long, play video games, etc. Now, he's starting to hit and wanting to fight all day (probably from TV & games). I have no ideas how to gently get him to stop hitting?! I've tried the "NO HITTING" thing but he just looks at me and whacks me again!
I know it may not make sense to those who've never been severely beaten by a sickness, but I really did NOT have a choice. I could barely lift my head off the bed. NOW, I'm feeling a "little" bit better but still not so good. I can get out of bed but I still have ZERO amount of energy or a will to do anything fun, learning, etc. with my ds. I've tried to cut back on ANY kind of non-3 year old TV shows or games. Not even sure if that's going to help. BUT- what if I continue like this for the next 5 months?!?! I want to do things with him, help him learn, get him out of the house, help him talk better (his speech is a little delayed, too, I think) and just be a GOOD Mom but I don't know how to do that when I can't physically bring myself to do this. Do you have any ideas on what to do with him? What fun activities he might want to do? He isn't into coloring or arts n crafts . How do I correct his hitting and wanting to fight all of the time, gently? I have like a million questions right now but I'll leave them at that for right now. I SO wish I could be an awesome/fun Mom right now.

[WuWei]

It sounds like he needs a physical outlet for large motor movement. Perhaps, unmet engagement needs. You can create games which have him jumping three times then spin three times, etc. Race to the mail box and back. Perhaps, get a mini-trampoline or put the mattress on the floor to jump on it. Make an obstacle course with pillows and sofa cushions. Consider a ball tent. Make a tent out of the kitchen table and have a "picnic". I'm sure others can help with low impact engagement ideas!

Baths and water play are other fun outlets which expend energy. Perhaps, dh could take him swimming or to one of those jumping places in the evening. Blow bubbles and have him pop them. Have you considered having a mother's helper for a few hours, several days a week (or DAILY!) to help with childcare? Then he could have one-on-one play and you could rest up for the rest of the daily demands.

Oh, I have a long list of (easy on mama) physical games/activities I could PM you. Ds is very physical! Also, homeopathy helps with severe morning sickness. I'd be glad to send you a link about the different ones based upon your symptoms.

The TV isn't going to ruin him. The hitting is more likely just a means of getting your reaction. TV can be quite educational. Our son loves Little Einsteins and *I* learn a ton from it too. Do you all have TIVO? That really allows us to just record kid shows which he likes, instead of accidentally seeing other stuff.

Pat

[graye_pearl]

[Isis]

Originally Posted by WuWei

It sounds like he needs a physical outlet for large motor movement. Perhaps, unmet engagement needs. You can create games which have him jumping three times then spin three times, etc. Race to the mail box and back. Perhaps, get a mini-trampoline or put the mattress on the floor to jump on it. Make an obstacle course with pillows and sofa cushions. Consider a ball tent. Make a tent out of the kitchen table and have a "picnic". I'm sure others can help with low impact engagement ideas!

Baths and water play are other fun outlets which expend energy. Perhaps, dh could take him swimming or to one of those jumping places in the evening. Blow bubbles and have him pop them. Have you considered having a mother's helper for a few hours, several days a week (or DAILY!) to help with childcare? Then he could have one-on-one play and you could rest up for the rest of the daily demands.

Oh, I have a long list of (easy on mama) physical games/activities I could PM you. Ds is very physical! Also, homeopathy helps with severe morning sickness. I'd be glad to send you a link about the different ones based upon your symptoms.

The TV isn't going to ruin him. The hitting is more likely just a means of getting your reaction. TV can be quite educational. Our son loves Little Einsteins and *I* learn a ton from it too. Do you all have TIVO? That really allows us to just record kid shows which he likes, instead of accidentally seeing other stuff.

Pat

I would love it if you could PM with some physical games/activities! That would be great! The ideas you did give me sounded great!

[kalisis]

Oh, I second the Tivo suggestion. It helped us gain control of what DS was watching when he was watching it. Now, he can have as much PBS as his little heart desires, any time of the day (that is said in the most mild mannered joking voice - some days are better than others). I know what you're talking about mama - I had a decent case of PPD this go round and just moving was hard some days. We've watched a lot of tv recently and yeah, I felt like a terrible mom a lot, but I also had to take care of myself and not push myself too hard either.

The hitting is definitely a reaction getter for him. It was for my DS too. I would tell him "No hitting. Hitting hurts." and then just keep repeating it while completely ignoring what was going on. Maybe not the best strategy, but it became kind of like a mantra that I could focus on instead of giving him the reaction he wanted. After a few tries with that, he moved onto something else. I could deal with nearly everything else tho - the hitting really pushed my buttons.

Now that it's summer, can you let him outside to play and run wild? I know that that would have helped us tremendously, but me, in all my infinite wisdom wanted a Christmas baby. Go figure. So, outside was completely out for us. But now, I just let him run/play/bike while I sit and nurse DD. She wants to crawl around now too, but at least he's getting some energy out and I can sit in one place.

Sometimes too, I would just put him the bathtub. He literally spent hours at a time in there b/c I'd give him all manner of things from the kitchen and it would keep his little hands and mind busy. He's an excellent pourer now too!

It's hard mama, it really is. You have to do what you have to do though and don't beat yourself up about it. The tv won't be forever; just until you feel better. Think of this as practice for when the new babe comes. It'll be old hat by then and you won't ahve nearly the struggles all the rest of us did!

feel better

[mamaduck]

Nobody throw rotten fruit at me or anything, but I'd like to put in a plug for part-time preschool in the fall. : Only if you think he's ready, of course. But 3 hours a day, 3 days a week, of having other adults invest in playing with your son, teaching your son, doing elaborate crafts with your son -- might relieve some of the guilt you are feeling. I was pregnant with a three year old to care for once too, and I considered it "delegating" to let some other people do these enriching things with him so that I could take a nap.

Of course -- preschool costs money, and sometimes its hard to find one that you can be comfortable with -- but I just wanted to throw out that option because it was something that really helped me during that time. And it helped my son too, because it expanded his circle of adults who loved him and spent time with him.

[Isis]

Originally Posted by anniej

Oh, I second the Tivo suggestion. It helped us gain control of what DS was watching when he was watching it. Now, he can have as much PBS as his little heart desires, any time of the day (that is said in the most mild mannered joking voice - some days are better than others). I know what you're talking about mama - I had a decent case of PPD this go round and just moving was hard some days. We've watched a lot of tv recently and yeah, I felt like a terrible mom a lot, but I also had to take care of myself and not push myself too hard either.

The hitting is definitely a reaction getter for him. It was for my DS too. I would tell him "No hitting. Hitting hurts." and then just keep repeating it while completely ignoring what was going on. Maybe not the best strategy, but it became kind of like a mantra that I could focus on instead of giving him the reaction he wanted. After a few tries with that, he moved onto something else. I could deal with nearly everything else tho - the hitting really pushed my buttons.

Now that it's summer, can you let him outside to play and run wild? I know that that would have helped us tremendously, but me, in all my infinite wisdom wanted a Christmas baby. Go figure. So, outside was completely out for us. But now, I just let him run/play/bike while I sit and nurse DD. She wants to crawl around now too, but at least he's getting some energy out and I can sit in one place.

Sometimes too, I would just put him the bathtub. He literally spent hours at a time in there b/c I'd give him all manner of things from the kitchen and it would keep his little hands and mind busy. He's an excellent pourer now too!

It's hard mama, it really is. You have to do what you have to do though and don't beat yourself up about it. The tv won't be forever; just until you feel better. Think of this as practice for when the new babe comes. It'll be old hat by then and you won't ahve nearly the struggles all the rest of us did!

feel better

Thank you for all that you said! We live in Souther California... so right now it's about 100degrees outside and I can't sit out there at all with him. I try and take him swimming (we have a pool) at least 4 times a week. I think bath time is a good idea... I guess it doesn't have to be at night!
You gave me some good things to think about! Thank you!

[Isis]

Originally Posted by mamaduck

Nobody throw rotten fruit at me or anything, but I'd like to put in a plug for part-time preschool in the fall. : Only if you think he's ready, of course. But 3 hours a day, 3 days a week, of having other adults invest in playing with your son, teaching your son, doing elaborate crafts with your son -- might relieve some of the guilt you are feeling. I was pregnant with a three year old to care for once too, and I considered it "delegating" to let some other people do these enriching things with him so that I could take a nap.

Of course -- preschool costs money, and sometimes its hard to find one that you can be comfortable with -- but I just wanted to throw out that option because it was something that really helped me during that time. And it helped my son too, because it expanded his circle of adults who loved him and spent time with him.

My best friend suggested that too but 1) we don't have the money right now and 2) he doesn't like to be away from me AT ALL and I think with all the change going on right now... might push him over the edge. It's a good suggestion but just not gonna work for us!

[mowilli3]

I had HG with my first, so i know exactly what you are talking about. My suggestion is to watch tv with him if you can stand the light. Watch the Food Network and other slow kinda stuff. My guess is that he's trying to get your attention and that he doesn't know what to do about the big changes esp with you being sick.

When he hits, take his hand and kiss it. Tell him that you love him, but you don't like hitting and you want him to touch you gently. If you see it coming and can block it or catch it, even better. Just keep doing it until he gets the message. That works for my DD, but she's 26 MO.

[mom22girls]

Everyone posted such great suggestions. Don't beat yourself up about any of this. I went through the same thing for 4 months (but we did have pre-school). See if you can find a mother's helper. We have a 12yo next door, and while I wouldn't leave her alone with my girls, it was great to have her play with them for an hour or two (cheap too!!).

[Isis]

Originally Posted by mom22girls

Everyone posted such great suggestions. Don't beat yourself up about any of this. I went through the same thing for 4 months (but we did have pre-school). See if you can find a mother's helper. We have a 12yo next door, and while I wouldn't leave her alone with my girls, it was great to have her play with them for an hour or two (cheap too!!).

What would you pay a mother's helper?