How to explain that we had to put our dog to sleep?

[melissel]

Long story short, we're having our dog put down this week. She's 13 years old and has never been a particularly kid-friendly dog. Since our second was born, her behavior has deteriorated completely. This is a decision that we probably should have made (well, really, acted upon) months ago, but the bottom line is, it's probably going to happen this week. I simply can't risk my children's (or DH's and my) safety any longer. (Can you tell I'm feeling pretty guilty about this?

Anyway, what's the best approach to telling the kids (almost 5 and almost 2)? The toddler probably won't understand the reasoning, but I know she'll be asking for the dog a lot. My plan was to tell my older girl the truth, very gently (that the vet thought it would be best to put the dog down in a very kind way because she wasn't safe for us to be around anymore), but my mom is afraid that my daughter will feel responsible in some way.

WWYD? Is there a suggested way of dealing with this?

TIA

[beanma]

oooooo...tough one.

i think i'm siding with mom on this one.

maybe say something like, "dog is getting really old for a dog ('cause 13 in dog years is pretty old) and she's not feeling very good and sometimes she's mean 'cause she doesn't feel good and that's not safe..."

ick. not sure where i'm going with that. i don't want them to get the message that we get rid of animals like they're disposable or that when we get mean and grumpy somebody's going to "put us to sleep" or "put us down". is there a better euphemism for euthanasia?

hard spot. i think you know your kids best. no chance of adopting her out to a family member or something is there?

we've got a 16 year old dog boy and i know he doesn't have long left, but he's still gentle with the kids and they just stay out of his way and play with our 8 year old pup.

to you. hard place to be.

[melissel]

Thanks mama. That's actually what we've been saying all along in attempts to keep the kids and the dog apart--that she's getting old and tired (ha!) and grumpy and to leave her alone, so you're right, that should probably be part of the explanation.

No, there's no chance we can re-home her. No one in our circle of friends and family wants a dog, and they all know her behavior problems. She bit my mom on the face a few months ago (didn't break skin, thank goodness, but gave her a heck of a bruise), and not a day goes by now that one of the girls isn't in tears because the dog snapped and snarled at her about something. She's spending more and more time isolated from the family (gated downstairs) because we just can't be vigilant every second of the day I don't have the heart to make her spend her last days in a shelter, and I wouldn't feel comfortable re-homing her when I'm afraid she could hurt someone. We've done pack retraining and it works for awhile, until one day...it just doesn't, and there's an incident.

Ugh. Anyway. Honestly, I aways knew this day would come, especially because she's never been very comfortable around kids or other dogs, but she was my dog through my single years--she was almost 9 by the time our first came along. She's found it very hard to stay out of the way of two kids, and I think she just finally decided she's had enough : Thank you for your response, I really do appreciate it.

[bigeyes]

I had one who became mean because she was absolutely crazed with pain. Maybe you could instead tell them that your pet is in pain? That it is more of a kindness than a 'getting rid of a danger?'

[Still_Learning]

I wouldn't tell the kids it was because she's dangerous or mean. No way. I'd tell them she is very very old, very sick and in pain. Handle it just as if you were putting her down for medical reasons.

I'm all for being honest with kids, but at their ages, there's no reason to burden them with that. It's just to confusing.

I mean, think about all the feelings you have regarding the situation, it will be so much more for your 5 year old.

[Lingmom]

I agree with the previous poster... I would go with very sick, very old, and very much in pain... over the truth that the dog is dangerous or has behavioral problems. Maybe there's a book on the topic of a pets death that you could read? I often find that well written children's books do a more elegant job than my attempted answers on sensitive topics like birth and death.

[rupiezum]

Originally Posted by melissel

Long story short, we're having our dog put down this week. She's 13 years old and has never been a particularly kid-friendly dog. Since our second was born, her behavior has deteriorated completely. This is a decision that we probably should have made (well, really, acted upon) months ago, but the bottom line is, it's probably going to happen this week. I simply can't risk my children's (or DH's and my) safety any longer. (Can you tell I'm feeling pretty guilty about this?

Anyway, what's the best approach to telling the kids (almost 5 and almost 2)? The toddler probably won't understand the reasoning, but I know she'll be asking for the dog a lot. My plan was to tell my older girl the truth, very gently (that the vet thought it would be best to put the dog down in a very kind way because she wasn't safe for us to be around anymore), but my mom is afraid that my daughter will feel responsible in some way.

WWYD? Is there a suggested way of dealing with this?

TIA

Wow, this is a tough one. I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

Honestly, I would not talk about the behavioral issues - be as basic as possible. "Rover was very old for a dog, and sometimes the vet can't fix what's wrong." Omit what you can to avoid an outright lie, pick a simple couple of sentences and stick with them. And do not use the phrase "putting to sleep." That's too confusing for kids. Better to say something like, "The vet helped her to pass away peacefully." Focus on the what and not the why.

There are some great books out there for the death of pets - Ten Good Things About Barney, and Goodbye Mousie are two good ones.

We lost two cats in the course of eighteen months. The older cat had to be put to sleep when my daughter was 2 1/2, and then the younger cat died suddenly when my daughter was just shy of four. Be prepared to get the same questions over and over. And like I said, pick a couple of sentences that are very basic and to the point, and stick with them as much as possible.