Is "thank you" a form of praise?

[Steve's Wife]

I use thank you all the time with DD. I don't make a big deal of it, usually just a quick "thanks, babe" but I do it a lot. Is ot a form of praise, do you think? I use it when she throws something away for me, does a quick task I asked of her, hands me the TP when I'm peeing (one of her favorite tasks ), or some other similar task. I see it as a way of showing her manners. What do you all think?

TIA!
Steph

[Spanish Rose]

If it is, I'm in big trouble.

Seriously now, just because we've stopped praising our kids doesn't mean we should stop being nice to them.

[starry_mama]

We say thanks a lot here too. As well as please. I like to be thanked when I do someone a favor, I bet my kids do too!

[EnviroBecca]

Sounds good to me! I can't imagine what would be wrong with it. I said "thank you" to EnviroKid from an early age, and he soon started saying it back. It sure is nice, after spending 5 minutes wrapping your kid in a sheet according to his annoyingly precise demands, to hear, "Ohhh, tank you, Mama!"

[mowilli3]

I say it alot, too. I'm very polite so it's something I do with everyone. DD has started saying it too at 26 mo. I think it's great to show appreciation for help and stuff. I think it's actually a good way to show manners instead of teaching them. KWIM?

[TexasSuz]

No, it is just good manners and it teaches appreciation.

[sagira]

I don't say "thank you" unless I genuinely appreciate something my son does. And he does it a lot too, and genuinely. It's so nice to hear him say excuse me, please and thank you as a matter of course -- and he's not even four yet

Children learn what they live.

[starry_mama]

A cute story, BTW. The other day Danny and I were weeding the garden (he and his brother are HUGE helps. ) and he said to me "Thank you so much for planting a garden mama."

I'm so glad I've modeled Thank Yous because that felt great to hear.

[DevaMajka]

In general, I'd say if you are using it the same way you would with an adult (ie- to show appreciation) then I'd say it's not praise.

It could be praise if you used it in that way. Like..."Oh, THANK YOU for throwing that in the trash! You are SUCH a BIG HELP!" etc etc. You know, kinda a manipulative way.

I tell ds thank you all the time. I say it in the way the op does- not a big deal, but a quick "thanks" to let ds know that I appreciate what he did.

[sagira]

Oh, yes, that bothers me too -- the artificial "You're SUCH A BIG HELP or BIG BOY" -- ugh. It sounds contrived and not sincere. I will tell him that his helping me saved me time or gave me some extra free time -- anything honest, the same way I would thank an adult.

I agree with Deva33mommy.

[WhaleinGaloshes]

Not for me. The key word that finally clicked with me in reading Kohn's _Unconditional Parenting_ and his ideas about praise being problematic was "evaluate." I feel that as long as I'm being genuine and not *evaluating* DD or her work/behavior/accomplishments/whatever than I'm doing okay. An honest 'thank you' is just that, an expression of my own feelings of appriciation.

[Terrilein]

Ditto the manners and appreciation. DD acts like it's praise though sometimes, but I think it's just her showing how much she feels the appreciation. I use please and thank you for everything, even when I have to be firm with her and/or she's being a drama queen. And it shows - it's one of the first things my DH noticed about my dd - she's really polite!

[p1gg1e]

Originally Posted by sagira

Oh, yes, that bothers me too -- the artificial "You're SUCH A BIG HELP or BIG BOY" -- ugh. It sounds contrived and not sincere. I will tell him that his helping me saved me time or gave me some extra free time -- anything honest, the same way I would thank an adult.

I agree with Deva33mommy.

What if they are a big help? :

[elizawill]

i think "thank you" is fine. honestly, i've thought about these praise threads in regard "to praise or not to praise", and i don't mind praise from parents....even if the mom is saying "thank you, your such a big boy and big help!" i think you can praise your child and still have them grow up emotionally healthy, but my heart really breaks for the child who never has kind words spoken to them at all. i heard a woman today screaming at her sweet child, and i felt so incredibly sad for him. i thought she was going to beat him right there in the grocery store: so i guess i'm speaking from that experience today, and in retrospect "praise" doesn't sound so bad to me right now.

[rmzbm]

We don't praise, we DO say thank you. I don't see it as being praise.

[herilane]

This is mostly theoretical for me at the moment (my baby is 9 months and very non-verbal)... but one thing that helps me think about this is the "would you say this to your friend" angle. I.e., would you treat an adult that way? You certainly WOULD say "thank you" if your friend helped you around the house, but you would NOT say "You're such a big help, good girl!" Just do the same with children.

[Steve's Wife]

Thanks, this whole "no praise" thing is so new to me. I just finished reading Unconditional Parenting, and I think it may have done more harm than good for me because all I do now is second-guess every thing I say and do.

[Thursday Girl]

i don't think it's praise. it is showinf appreciation for what they have done. we should use it on our kids and on everyone. it's just nice.

courtney

[elizawill]

Originally Posted by herilane

This is mostly theoretical for me at the moment (my baby is 9 months and very non-verbal)... but one thing that helps me think about this is the "would you say this to your friend" angle. I.e., would you treat an adult that way? You certainly WOULD say "thank you" if your friend helped you around the house, but you would NOT say "You're such a big help, good girl!" Just do the same with children.

ha ha, this wouldn't work for me. if my friends are a big help to me, then i would tell them, hug them, and probably write a thank-you!

[2bluefish]

Originally Posted by Terrilein

I use please and thank you for everything, even when I have to be firm with her and/or she's being a drama queen. And it shows - it's one of the first things my DH noticed about my dd - she's really polite!

Ditto for my dd - I love when she looks at me pointedly and says "no thank you." And everything is "thank you *so* much!" I don't think I can take credit for her gratitude though - the kid is unusually thankful.

It is a big help for my dd to do things for me, and I will tell her so. It would be artificial not to express my thanks. I'm pregnant and caring for a baby - if dd fetches things and picks up her toys it is a BIG HELP.