My mom is frustrating me about DD

[lyttlewon]

I really want DD to be at the birth. My mom has already expressed she isn't to thrilled with the idea doesn't think it is age appropriate or whatever. My MW suggested I have someone there in case DD needs to leave and to be her companion since DH and I will be busy. I asked my MIL to do it but she won't commit to it. My mom is mad because she doesn't want it to be her responsibility to take care of DD because she wants to be involved in the whole birth thing. This is so frustrating because DD has to be cared by SOMEONE. We have one friend DD would be comfortable spending the night/day with but that means she would have to miss the whole birth. DH told me not to worry about it he thinks his mom will come. I just want to pull my hair out.

[cornpicker]

Hugs to you. I'm sorry your mom is being a PITA.

[mamamoo]

Why on earth would it not be age appropriate for her to be there? Weird. I can sort of see at the hospital it would be harder, but at home...easy as pie. She might not even be awake during the labor and stuff. I do think it would be good to have someone to take her to the park or something if need be, help distract. I needed alex and maddy to leave when I was having sam, but all three of them were there with violet, and sam was only 2. I don't remember anyone having to do much with them, but then I wasn't paying much attention probably. LOL Is your sister going to be there? Could she be in charge of her?

[lyttlewon]

My sister doesn't come until the 6th so it totally depends on timing. I would end up in the same boat though because my sister wants to be there. Although my neice would come and DD would probably be ok going to my neice's grandma's house.

[Jster]

I think your dd will be fine, although of course you know her temperment. But at least my kids by 3.5 are pretty darn independent in terms of their play and knowing what to expect in a certain situation. Will there by a mw's assistant? My guess is your dd will be fine before the birth, with her usual stuff to distract her, and during the birth be fascinated with the whole process. DD1 was at dd2's birth when she was 2y8m, and she watched movies while she waited for things to get interesting, then came over when I was pushing. I have long labors, too, but she knew what was going on (we'd watched lots of birth videos, and talked about it, etc.) Now the girls like to play "childbirth" although they go for twins and triplets, basically as many dolls they can find and divide at a time. I'm not planning on having anyone but DH and the girls, and I'm sure we'll be fine.

As for your mother...grrr. All I can say is, boundaries, boundaries. Is she there at the birth to enjoy it for her own pleasure, or to help? Will it really be good to have her there? My mom was at dd1's birth, but not dd2's, and won't be at any future births I have. She just doesn't know how to let me live my life, accept and support my choices, and go with the program. So it's better for her not to be there. I'd suggest that you really think about WHY she's going to be there, and if it will help you or not, and what her role will be. And make it clear to her that she is present at your blessing, to be with you and help you, and not to make it her event.

Anyways, best of luck! It's exciting that we're getting close enough to have all these plans made "real" isn't it???

[lyttlewon]

Originally Posted by Jster

I think your dd will be fine, although of course you know her temperment. But at least my kids by 3.5 are pretty darn independent in terms of their play and knowing what to expect in a certain situation. Will there by a mw's assistant? My guess is your dd will be fine before the birth, with her usual stuff to distract her, and during the birth be fascinated with the whole process. DD1 was at dd2's birth when she was 2y8m, and she watched movies while she waited for things to get interesting, then came over when I was pushing. I have long labors, too, but she knew what was going on (we'd watched lots of birth videos, and talked about it, etc.) Now the girls like to play "childbirth" although they go for twins and triplets, basically as many dolls they can find and divide at a time. I'm not planning on having anyone but DH and the girls, and I'm sure we'll be fine.

As for your mother...grrr. All I can say is, boundaries, boundaries. Is she there at the birth to enjoy it for her own pleasure, or to help? Will it really be good to have her there? My mom was at dd1's birth, but not dd2's, and won't be at any future births I have. She just doesn't know how to let me live my life, accept and support my choices, and go with the program. So it's better for her not to be there. I'd suggest that you really think about WHY she's going to be there, and if it will help you or not, and what her role will be. And make it clear to her that she is present at your blessing, to be with you and help you, and not to make it her event.

Anyways, best of luck! It's exciting that we're getting close enough to have all these plans made "real" isn't it???

I think Marah Jade will be fine she has enjoyed watching videos and really wants to be the one to "catch" the baby. My mom was great with helping be labor support with DD's birth. She envisions her role the same but I don't really need the same support. My midwife will be there for labor support KWIM? So I don't really know what her role will be. That is a good question. I have already discussed her not interfering with my MW and she says she wouldn't. She was kind of my defense in the hospital so I don't want her to think she needs to mediate between me and my MW. Part of what is so hard for my mom is she never had a mom of her own so in many ways she is not only being my mom but fulfililng a role she wishes she had. Does that make sense? She is an opinionated and stubborn woman but I know that she will respect my wishes. It is just a matter of how thrilled she is with having to do so.

[NaturalTXMama]

I wouldnt worry about it...it is your birth to experience. So, your Mom will be there and so will your child, she'll have to take care of her if there is no one else to do so. In fact, she should WANT to take care of her and feel honored to be invited to the birth.h

[katsam]

I could have almost written your post.
My mom is going to be at the birth. She had home births and loves the process of labor and birth. It is really special to her, especially since it will be me. Therefore, she does not want to be responsible for my three year old ds, as she does not want to miss the birth.
My MIL is to nervous to be at the house from what I understand, so she will not be here, and I don't want to take ds to her, as I also want ds to be here in case he wants to watch.
My semi plan is I have my brother available to watch and entertain ds while I am in labor, and then if he wants to be there I do expect ds to be able to sit there with my mom, as I do not actually want my brother to be at the birth.
It is a little frustrating!

[lyttlewon]

Originally Posted by katsam

I could have almost written your post.
My mom is going to be at the birth. She had home births and loves the process of labor and birth. It is really special to her, especially since it will be me. Therefore, she does not want to be responsible for my three year old ds, as she does not want to miss the birth.
My MIL is to nervous to be at the house from what I understand, so she will not be here, and I don't want to take ds to her, as I also want ds to be here in case he wants to watch.
My semi plan is I have my brother available to watch and entertain ds while I am in labor, and then if he wants to be there I do expect ds to be able to sit there with my mom, as I do not actually want my brother to be at the birth.
It is a little frustrating!

I think we have the same mom!

[sagira]

My MIL was shocked too. But I think she knows her ds (my dh) is cool with it and she knows she can't change his mind. She tries to change mine, but I'm telling her ds wants to be there.. Then she tells me he can't do everything he wants. It's not that. I reply. I want him to be there too. She doesn't have anything else to say after that.

[MamaRabbit]

My DD is 3.5 almost 4. I prepped her well for the birth... videos, talking, etc.. At the birth, she did great! Sat next to my mom (who is much like yours) and was so mature. Probably more mature than my mom through the whole thing.

[michellyn]

We had a planned homebirth, but I'd planned for my boys to go to a friend's house (I wanted to be able to focus solely on the birth, not on them at all). However, I ended up giving birth in the middle of the night, so we just let them sleep. After the first twin was born (before the midwife arrived), my husband's panicked yells about what to do woke the boys, who came into the bathroom and hung around for the birth of the second twin. It didn't seem to phase them at all (and I'd only lightly prepared them, warning them not to be scared if mommy made painful moans and such).