The freakin' TV - Page 2

[Mary]

Between the ages of 2.5 and 3.5 my oldest son watched plenty of tv. My youngest was very colicky and that is how we survived that first year. I wasn't happy with it though. I had managed to keep both kids off tv until 2 (my oldest mostly watched tv when my youngest was sleeping).

Anyhow, I didn't like all of the tv watching and my youngest was getting older and we just got it to stop somehow. It started with my oldest going to preschool during his prime tv-watching time. So there was significantly less tv once he went to preschool. Then we started only watching videos that we checked out from the library, usually about 30 minutes in length. We would check out 2-3 and have them for a week. Fortunately my kids don't like to rewatch things, so they ended up watching only 2-3 30 minute shows per week. I almost never watch tv, if I do it is for 20 minutes in the morning to catch some news.

Drastically reducing their watching cut the habit. They quit even thinking about the tv. Now at 4 and 6 they rarely even ask to put something on. Since it's so rare that they even think about it, I rarely say no (we're talking like once every 2-3 weeks or so they ask and then watch something for 30 minutes). We do have a movie night on the weekends and they really look foward to it and plan it. We were never in the habit of watching movies on any old day.

I think a big factor is getting your child to the point where he knows what to do with his time when the tv isn't on. That also involves the parent not offering it as something to do, which can take a great deal of self-control when they are driving you up the wall.:

My sister is coming to visit with her kids and they watch an insane amount of tv. I've warned my kids that we will try to do it our way, but if the kids get out of hand then the tv will go on. Her kids really don't know what to do without the tv on and she needs it to survive because they get really out of hand and the tv sedates them. A few days with them and I totally understand why she uses the tv the way she does, but I still think it is a habit that only cutting the tv will solve.

She always tells me she doesn't know how I do it. The truth is, my kids know how to play all day without it. I have it way easier than she does.

[bellymama]

Originally Posted by Neldavi

Yeah, I know. The real issue, I realize now, is that *I'm* not willing to limit the TV for *my* benefit .. ie: peace and quiet. But at the same time my mind is saying "ick .. all these movies are just NOT good for him". That's why I was feeling so disjointed about the whole thing, 'cause it's not fun to admit that it's really MY problem, not my kid's, yk?

So I think what I need to do is bite the bullet and unplug or put away the TV downstairs to only be taken out for special occasions. We have a TV upstairs in our room too. That one can stay for nighttime videos (we really don't spend time upstairs during the day). I have to get dh on board, and it'll probably be ugly for a few days (from ds, not dh), but we'll benefit in the end .

that sounds like a good idea...i see now what you meant in your OP...you like the tv because it makes kids quiet oh mama, who can blame ya! i think that is one of the hardest decisions a mama can make....congrats to you for "biting the bullet", i think you are doing a good thing for your kids! thanks for explaining to me what you meant...i was kinda confused on what the problem was originally.

[LindaCl]

TV is addicting. Maybe it's true that not everybody becomes addicted. But when the average family has it on 5 plus hours a day, and kids under 6 are watching an average of 2+ hours a day, and parents and daycare centers are using it so much in order to keep children quiet and contained--TV sedation--and half of children asked in surveys say they'd rather watch TV than spend time with their fathers??? With most people obviously losing out to the TV monster, I think we're kidding ourselves in this culture calling TV a "habit", and pretending to ourselves appropriately limited TV is easily achievable through parental or self-discipline.

The TV thing caught me by surprise when I realized how hooked my children were. TV just wasn't that sophisticated when I grew up, and there was nothing to watch really except Saturday mornings. Movies were rare. But now film and TV programming is incredibly sophisticated; the pace, the cut-aways, the sounds and colors--it's a billion dollar industry only if they can get a billion people watching for megahours a day, so the producers use sophisticated psychological and "market testing" techniques to "figure us out" and use every trick they learn to bedazzle us into watching.

And that's what I saw happen with my children, but I didn't "get it" until they were school aged. They fell into to that hypnotic trance when it was on, which was convenient for me plus I thought "educational tv" or "quality videos" were good for them too. But it seemed like for every hour they watched it, they'd spend at least another hour sales pitching to me, whining, bartering, begging, sulking, and other such to nag me into letting them watch "just this one" more. I was never bored when I was a child. But my kids were at loose ends when the screen was off; even just playing seemed dull and boring to them. I eventually decided to stop it altogether because the "limited" thing was enough to keep them hooked. Even when I limited them to a few hours on the weekends, I found them obsessing all week long about how they'd spend those few hours, and killing time until it came back on. It was like a very unhealthy love affair.

Others may have found success limiting or "balancing" the TV, but I wanted to chime in that that approach won't work for everyone. A lot of families find they can't coexist with it in a healthy way when there is any "showtime" at all available on a daily or even weekly basis, and discover that to get things back to "normal" the TV has to stay unplugged and out of view pretty much all the time.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

One big thing to realize -- he can't watch TV if he's not at home. During the point where you want to make a transition to less TV, do more away from home. Or at least outside. I know its hard with a baby (BTDT), but it is possible. It may mean getting creative or making compromises in other areas -- when I had 2 about the age of yours we could make a fast food lunch stretch to 2 hours of running around the play place. Of course, that does mean allowing fast food, but it provides a playspace that is enclosed so you can hold/play with/feed a baby while your child plays. Same goes for pay-to-play spaces that your city might have.

So with less time to actually watch TV, you might be comfortable going through a transition to self-regulation. Like any other self-regulation idea, at first it wil seem like a lot. I always notice that when my kids have been visiting my mother, who regulates TV much more than I do, when they come home they go through a "gorge" period where TV and videos are really heavy. But after a week or so, it really levels off to an amount that I am very comfortable with, without my having to really say anything at all.

Good luck.

[emma_goldman]

I like to live screentime-free but DP watches like a movie/day with DS when he is around (he travels). And turns tv on first thing in the am when he is here.

One thing I did was mount the tv up high near the ceiling so DS just doesn't see it.

Another thing I did was tell DS that I don't agree with screentime. So if he asks, I just say no. It has to be all or nothing it seems like. He has stopped asking, pretty much.

It is weird, huh, what screentime does. My DS gets so grumpy.

[princesspennie]

edited because I did not fully read Original post and my reply made no sense

[spirit4ever]

My kids did watch a lot of t.v. but its gotten much better, my older one is allowed to watch a little while the daycare is having their nap (really important that he stays quiet, i NEED that quiet time w/ 6 under 5 running around all day!) and they get to watch 'big comfy couch' on treehouse at 8 and have their snack... weekends are a different story though, dh watches WAY too much t.v., but usually I tell him if he puts it on it needs to be treehouse, so then he's not so inclined I must say though, I love treehouse, its got great shows on! I'm not so concerned about the t.v., I read a lot and the boys see that, hopefully they will read too..! Sometimes you do what you have to do to just stay sane!!!!

oh and when they are bugging and bugging me I unplug it and say that its not working, they try to turn it on, then go find something else to do! This was great for us b/c it took away from me saying 'no' yet again to just kind've blaming the t.v.!!!! It wasn't MY fault!!!

[mamaduck]

Very interesting to read all the differences in various families and children. Lots of great ideas!

One of my kids doesn't enjoy watching television all that much (the older one) and the younger one would choose to do very little else if given the opportunity! Obviously, my two kids need different levels of guidance when it comes to this issue.

I have also noticed that my younger son experiences a *definate* change in sleep patterns when he has screentime in the evening. It takes him forever to get calmed down enough to sleep, and then he wakes up frequently. So we do not have the television on (or computer) after 6pm, and encourage other activities between dinner and bedtime. (DH and I will turn it back on though, for an hour or so, after the kids are asleep.)

I also made a "no tv in the morning" rule. Which they hated at first! Because nothing is easier than rolling out of bed and zoning on television. For all of us. But if they don't turn it on first thing, then the DO find other things to do (sometimes after some floundering around and whining) that are more constructive. And quite often, it sets the tone for the rest of the day -- and the TV will stay off well into the afternoon (sometimes all day) just because they have become involved in other things.

Not everyday though -- and television in the afternoon seems to be alright for us. Its often too hot to go outside, its the time of day that I may need to lay down for a bit, and its not a bad time for them to crash out.

I have also found that when screentime gets out of control, it helps to take some time off. So -- no TV for a week or so. And I do what Evan&Annasmom said -- I keep them out of the house and busy, busy, busy. Lots of crafts, lots of outings, lots of games. Eventually I taper off the intense planning, and I gradually let the televison to go on occasionally, but at that point they are less dependent and more inclined to use it in moderation.