Originally Posted by dooney
I have been doing a lot better without meds or anything, just knowing that everything's okay and I'm not alone but lately it's been worse, much worse. I'm dealing with an unhappy (demanding) bidder on ebay, and I have always been ultra sensitive to criticism and bullying. Also, we couldn't afford our mortgage OR car payment this month and had to borrow from my parents which I hate doing. My mother's health is a constant worry as well. I don't see things getting better anytime soon, so I'm on the verge of tears nearly every feeding and often in between. I'm feeling very not in control and (I don't know if I'm allowed to post this here) often tempted to return to certain self-injurious behaviors from my past because of the feelings of control and release I got from that. I'm ashamed to admit that because it's so not healthy and not helpful and I'm A Big Girl Now So It's Time To Grow Up.
Me too me too me too
We are in the midst of absolute stress and chaos in our family right now, and though the bfing/let down thing had been SO much better is reared it's ungly head again. It makes me wonder about what hormones are really involved? Why did it get worse when life got harder if it was JUST about oxyocin?
I also have a history of self-mutilation as well as eating disorders and other compulsive behaviors (hey, nobody's perfect) and I have been working very hard at channeling the stress appropriately. I could cry at the drop of a hat as it is and with negative breastfeeding emotions on top of it all, it's a lot to handle.
I personally am not considering meds, I don't think they would do much good in this case since the real cause of this particular come and go "depression" is unknown. Instead, I am trying to make sure I get time to decompress, get as much rest as I can, exercise ect to combat it, as well as combating life in general.
Also to channel the compulsion I am diving head first into a new project that keeps me focused on something else and motivates me (not like I don't have enough on my plate but I needed something new and exciting.) Anything that doesn't affect my family negatively (like 'checking out', constantly screaming, or constantly crying) is an option!