My DS is 25months old, very bright, sweet and active, however, has always been a challenge, since infancy. He went thru a stage of terrible tantrums and hitting, however I saw some major improvement lately with less frequent meltdowns and hitting.
He is addicted to pacifier. Honestly. First 18months of his life he only used to sleep with it and had it only once in the while during the day, but last 7 months he got really attached to it. Myself, my DH and my nannie had been trying to gradually wean him off, the nanny and my DH have success since when they don't give him, my DS doesn't ask, but the minute I come home he is expecting me to give it to him, and I would cave in every time...until recently. Past few weeks I had been trying to limit it until bed time only and my son would whine for it in the evenings all the time.
Anyway...it's becoming a long post.
Last night we went outside to the school yard near by to play. I didn't take binkie with me. Max wanted to play where the big boys run around and I took him away, since it was dangerous, they could knock him over.
He started screaming like crazy, I'm not exaggerating, it was bad. Initially I thought it was because I took him away from having fun, but later I realized it was because he wanted his binkie. He was screaming so loudly, he pulled my hair, he bit me, he hit me, he scratched me, he pinched me, he kept falling on the ground and hitting me with his feet, he turned all red. I mean I have never seen so much anger and rage coming from him, it scared me. I never lost my cool, I kept on repeating: Max, honey, I understand you are upset, I know, you are angry, we will go home and I will give you the binkie, I don't have it on me, Max, I know, I know, I understand, you are mad, you are upset..." I kept picking him up and trying to carry him home, but he would wiggle out of my hands and fall on the ground, or he would try to run onto to the street, I mean it was terrible (not to say I had to endure dirty looks from stranger). It took me 20 minutes to get home (5 block distance). All this time I endured his physical abuse and screaming. But the time I got home, I literally was spent and horrified by his behaviour. I threw a binkie at him and laid on the floor exhausted. The minute he took that binkie, he became a totally different child. He got quiet and had a very guilty look on his face. My father stopped by and I burst in tears and spilled my heart out to him. My dad said to Max: go kiss mama, go hug her, show her some love. Max came over and started patting me and kissing me and hugging me and saying: "mama niiiice, nice maaama..." It took all my strength to return affection to him, I couldn't even look at him at that moment.
It is almost like he held all this anger inside him in front of my DH and the nannie and used me like a punching bag, letting out all his aggression on me.
Now, I don't know what to do with that damn binkie. I hate that thing. I don't understand why he is so attached to it. All of us, including the nanny ( I observed them together) show him so much love. We co-sleep and cuddle and kiss and bottle-nurse and play with him. Remember how I was wondering if I'm showing him too much love. It's not like he is lacking love from us, that's why he needs that soothing.
Please share some advice on what to do. Should I just give up trying to wean him off that thing, or should I persist? I'm lost.
where is that rage coming from? What am I doing wrong? Is it just the pacifier or could there be a deeper issue? Since last night's tantrum, he has been behaving very well (comparetively)
Also, please share on how you would handle this kind of tantrum on the street, did I handle it well in your opinion or not?
He is addicted to pacifier. Honestly. First 18months of his life he only used to sleep with it and had it only once in the while during the day, but last 7 months he got really attached to it. Myself, my DH and my nannie had been trying to gradually wean him off, the nanny and my DH have success since when they don't give him, my DS doesn't ask, but the minute I come home he is expecting me to give it to him, and I would cave in every time...until recently. Past few weeks I had been trying to limit it until bed time only and my son would whine for it in the evenings all the time.
Anyway...it's becoming a long post.
Last night we went outside to the school yard near by to play. I didn't take binkie with me. Max wanted to play where the big boys run around and I took him away, since it was dangerous, they could knock him over.
He started screaming like crazy, I'm not exaggerating, it was bad. Initially I thought it was because I took him away from having fun, but later I realized it was because he wanted his binkie. He was screaming so loudly, he pulled my hair, he bit me, he hit me, he scratched me, he pinched me, he kept falling on the ground and hitting me with his feet, he turned all red. I mean I have never seen so much anger and rage coming from him, it scared me. I never lost my cool, I kept on repeating: Max, honey, I understand you are upset, I know, you are angry, we will go home and I will give you the binkie, I don't have it on me, Max, I know, I know, I understand, you are mad, you are upset..." I kept picking him up and trying to carry him home, but he would wiggle out of my hands and fall on the ground, or he would try to run onto to the street, I mean it was terrible (not to say I had to endure dirty looks from stranger). It took me 20 minutes to get home (5 block distance). All this time I endured his physical abuse and screaming. But the time I got home, I literally was spent and horrified by his behaviour. I threw a binkie at him and laid on the floor exhausted. The minute he took that binkie, he became a totally different child. He got quiet and had a very guilty look on his face. My father stopped by and I burst in tears and spilled my heart out to him. My dad said to Max: go kiss mama, go hug her, show her some love. Max came over and started patting me and kissing me and hugging me and saying: "mama niiiice, nice maaama..." It took all my strength to return affection to him, I couldn't even look at him at that moment.
It is almost like he held all this anger inside him in front of my DH and the nannie and used me like a punching bag, letting out all his aggression on me.
Now, I don't know what to do with that damn binkie. I hate that thing. I don't understand why he is so attached to it. All of us, including the nanny ( I observed them together) show him so much love. We co-sleep and cuddle and kiss and bottle-nurse and play with him. Remember how I was wondering if I'm showing him too much love. It's not like he is lacking love from us, that's why he needs that soothing.
Please share some advice on what to do. Should I just give up trying to wean him off that thing, or should I persist? I'm lost.
where is that rage coming from? What am I doing wrong? Is it just the pacifier or could there be a deeper issue? Since last night's tantrum, he has been behaving very well (comparetively)
Also, please share on how you would handle this kind of tantrum on the street, did I handle it well in your opinion or not?
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