Anyone else have a non-joiner?

[operamommy]

The recent activities threads got me thinking. Ds1 is 12, and doesn't really like to do anything. We've tried baseball and soccer in the past, but he's just not into sports. That's ok. But he's not into anything else either! He draws wonderfully but doesn't want to take any art lessons, we let him quit scouts this year (his second year in it by choice) because dh and I got tired of having to draaaag him to meetings. He's in band, but told me the other night that he probably won't be in it after this coming year.

I have to admit, his non-joining kills me! My parents never let me do any activites while I was in school - well, I ran track for one season - they never came to a single meet and I had to find my own rides home after practices and meets! So I guess I just kind of feel that he's "wasting" all these great opportunities. He's been told that we'll help him pursue anything that he's interested in, but really all he's interested in is hanging out out home. He likes playing with his action figures and legos, playing outside, reading, and sometimes playing video games.

Anyone else in the same boat? I feel guilty because I feel like instead of accepting his interests for what they are, I'm wishing secretly that he'd be that kid who's on the student council and plays 2 sports every year.

[Nankay]

Mydd is 12 and sounds just like your kiddo. She is NOT athletic, hated band,Scouts were a disaster, was in dance for quite awhile but never really LOVED it. This year we start middle school with more and different actvities and I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Also, to get her involved in something , we signed up for horseback riding/horse care lessons.

[Oriole]

DSD is like that. It worries me, but I'm ok with it as long as she has something she's into: music. She knows every band and every song you can think of, but is always at home after school.

I worry, but there is not much I can do... It's also harder because she is not my biological child, and she is here only on the weekends. I guess I just have to trust that different people need different pace in life. I was always busy, and loved it. She seems to be ok taking it slow, when she becomes curious in something - we always encourage her to try, but nothing stuck yet.

I don't know what it means as far as development goes, but willing to wait and see; forcing her into things doesn't seem to be the right thing to do (especially right now in the teenage years heh).

[momto l&a]

I was the non-joiner as a kid. Still am as adult. Its just the way I am.

[Polly3]

I have a non-joiner too. Never heard it put that way though He never has stuck with anything. We've tried getting him involved with everything from playing hockey, to boyscouts, to mock-up trials for law class. He would start out enthusiastically but always end up quitting or getting booted out. He's currently not involved in anything except reading, listening to music, and video games. That's about it. I worry about him sometimes so I know where you are coming from. We don't want to pressure him into anything but I just wonder when he will ever find something he is really passionate about. I guess I just need to be patient.

[UnschoolnMa]

My Ds isn't into stuff like that either. It's just not his personality.

[marlne]

My 12yr old daughter is showing to be a non-joiner as well.
She's tried different things she thought she'd be interested in but just quits after a while. She is now quitting her dance class that she thought she really loved and my husband is getting a little frustrated with paying for many things and her just quitting after a bit.

I have asked her if there is anything she thinks she'd like to do and so far there is nothing. She's homeschooling this year and I'm a little worried about finding her something else she can do.

My 10yr old is a whole other story as she's quite the opposite.lol

[kblackstone444]

My son is a non-joiner, the ultimate loner. I get so concerned about him, but it doesn't bother him the least bit. I do make sure he does need to have at least one activity to get involved in. He beat the system- he picked painting. My little girl is just the opposite. She's ALWAYS doing something.

[BamaDude]

Originally Posted by operamommy

I feel guilty because I feel like instead of accepting his interests for what they are, I'm wishing secretly that he'd be that kid who's on the student council and plays 2 sports every year.

Mom, is that you?

Originally Posted by momto l&a

I was the non-joiner as a kid. Still am as adult. Its just the way I am.

Same here.

[Mama Dragon]

I'm a non joiner, DH's a non joiner and the kids are too. I keep offering, but they aren't interested. Organized anything can be so stifling

[Tinas3muskateers]

I totally understand! My dd is a non-joiner. She is at home all the time, watches far too much TV, reads, hangs out wiht her boyfriend, and eats. Thats it lol. Not very exciting and she is 16. From what I have learned recently some people just arent social <gasp> which is forgien to me because I am a social butterfly, the more people the better. I just have to be thankful she isnt hanging out with the wrong crowd, isnt doing drugs, and is an all around good kid. Groups or no groups.

[Stinkerbell]

My 13 year old has always been a non joiner. Not into sports, doesn't like to be outdoors, etc. He does play bass so he takes bass lessons bt they are private so not really a social activity.

we go camping all summer and I do make him come with us every so often, at least a few times. i wouldnt make him join anything but I do believe he needs interaction with kids his age to learn how to make good decisions and be confident.

[Tishie]

My son is 15 and has tried a few things here and there, but really prefers to be by himself or in very small groups (like with a friend or two). He has been teaching himself computer programming, he likes to read a lot, etc.

Personally, I'm happy about it. Along with not being a joiner, he's not a follower.

[polka hop]

*

[Irishmommy]

Dd is not a joiner, but neither was I - still amn't. It does bother me, but it's just who she is. I try and console myself with all the money we are saving and all the driving we are not doing. It sometimes helps.

[marybethorama]

Originally Posted by operamommy

T
Anyone else in the same boat? I feel guilty because I feel like instead of accepting his interests for what they are, I'm wishing secretly that he'd be that kid who's on the student council and plays 2 sports every year.

Yes. I wouldn't care about the student coucil but I would love it if my oldest ds would find one or two things that he likes and is willing to do. I'm still looking with him (not for him).

[marybethorama]

Originally Posted by polka hop

I turned out fine, BTW, and I'm still not a joiner. I don't do playgroups, LLL, knitting circles, etc. I still get together with my close friends pretty often, and have hobbies that are conducive to solitary practice.

That's good to hear. I'm shy/introverted but I am a joiner.

[aolinsmama]

ds 14 is like this, in fact in your post i thought you were describing him a few years ago
even though i was in band in high school, i wasn't really a joiner either. i love playing music, and it seemed like a logical step. my son is a young artist who has never had formal lessons, although he did go to a charter school that let him specialize in it. (we just moved and are trying to make sure his next school is similiar) he has been in 2 shows already, and enjoys many things, just not team/school stuff. there was a year or so when it seemed he didn't have any passions, that worried me a little, but then it was just one of those stages. good luck

[momto l&a]

Originally Posted by Irishmommy

Dd is not a joiner, but neither was I - still amn't. It does bother me, but it's just who she is. I try and console myself with all the money we are saving and all the driving we are not doing. It sometimes helps.

Good point about the $ and driving