Installing someone else's child's car seat in your car... WWYD? - Page 2

[alegna]

Originally Posted by hipmummy

ds is 20 pounds and 10 months? he is 30 inches and he is already cramped I am going to turn he around when he is a year and 33 inches. I have been a nanny for fifteen years and never in my life have I heard of keep a toddler rear facing. In Ma if the child is one and 20 pounds everyone turns them around. The kids love the social interaction. Looking at a blank seat is really tough for a toddler. I can see if the child is not yet one and is 30 pounds but three years old. It sounds quite severe. If you do not feel comfortable with the norm than don't watch her child. Your anxiety from the issue while driving is much more dangerous than a three pound dif. in opinion. It is not worth a debate with your friend.

Well, 25 years ago no one was in carseats, so just because you haven't heard of it, means nothing.

It is MUCH safer. I would never turn a 1 yr old around if there was a seat that could hold them RF.

I *strongly* suggest you do more research on that.

My dd interacts just fine rf. It's not like she could see my face while I'm driving anyway.

-Angela

[North_Of_60]

Originally Posted by stik

Where in the course of all this have you stated your commitment to driving your friend's child anywhere?

That's just it, I haven't. I originally said I wouldn't need a seat because installing it and uninstalling it would be a PIA, and that there's lots of stuff to do around here. It's *SHE* that suggested I just leave the spare one installed. Since I doubt I'll have no huge desire to drive anywhere, it's not that big of an issue, because we can just walk. I was just wondering if I should get her to install it rear facing since it's in my car and that's my preference. If she doesn't want to, that's fine. Like other's have mentioned, he is well beyond the minimum requirements. If it bothers me that much, we'll just walk.

Thanls everyone.

[lovingmommyhood]

Originally Posted by hipmummy

ds is 20 pounds and 10 months? he is 30 inches and he is already cramped I am going to turn he around when he is a year and 33 inches. I have been a nanny for fifteen years and never in my life have I heard of keep a toddler rear facing. In Ma if the child is one and 20 pounds everyone turns them around. The kids love the social interaction. Looking at a blank seat is really tough for a toddler. I can see if the child is not yet one and is 30 pounds but three years old. It sounds quite severe. If you do not feel comfortable with the norm than don't watch her child. Your anxiety from the issue while driving is much more dangerous than a three pound dif. in opinion. It is not worth a debate with your friend.

"Social interaction" is really not a concern for me when I'm driving my children somewhere. Safety is number one. The driver should be paying attention to driving anyway. Looking at a blank seat has never been a problem for either of my children. When they have been rear facing their whole lives they know no different.

Being a nanny for X amount of years does not a car seat expert make. Sorry.


OP I think it is okay to let him be FF but if you are uncomfortable with it I would talk to the mother. Good luck!!

Sorry OP I didn't see your updated reply. Looks like you've got it worked out.

[ThreeBeans]

Originally Posted by hipmummy

ds is 20 pounds and 10 months? he is 30 inches and he is already cramped I am going to turn he around when he is a year and 33 inches. I have been a nanny for fifteen years and never in my life have I heard of keep a toddler rear facing. In Ma if the child is one and 20 pounds everyone turns them around. The kids love the social interaction. Looking at a blank seat is really tough for a toddler. I can see if the child is not yet one and is 30 pounds but three years old. It sounds quite severe. If you do not feel comfortable with the norm than don't watch her child. Your anxiety from the issue while driving is much more dangerous than a three pound dif. in opinion. It is not worth a debate with your friend.

You are incorrect. At 30 inches he is not 'cramped'. He fits just fine.

Oh, and I am in MA and both my toddlers were and are rear-facing. Speak for yourself

Just because you personally haven't heard of something doesn't mean it's not the better thing to do. Why would you reject what is immeasurably safer for a child, just because it's new to you? That makes no sense at all.

[rere]

Originally Posted by stik

Here's what I'm missing:

To me, daycare does not imply driving around. As a mother who uses daycare, I would strongly prefer that my dcp not transport my children in her car. I had a dcp who drove the kids around a lot, and it made me crazy (I like to actually know where my children are, and not have to go hunting if I try to pick them up earlier than expected. Among other things.) As I read your post, you've committed to helping your friend one day a week. Where in the course of all this have you stated your commitment to driving your friend's child anywhere?

If it were me, the friend would be welcome to install her seat in my car any which way she chooses, as she seems to feel that you should have a car seat available for her child. If she installed it in a way I wasn't comfortable with, I just wouldn't drive. If the occasion arises where driving is absolutely necessary, you can always turn the seat rf (to satisfy your safety concerns - I wouldn't suggest it for any other reason) and make an excuse later if she asks.

Lots of parents like the idea of their kids getting to go to zoos,museums,beaches...fun places even if they can't be the one to take them.I would guess that the mother also didn't want to stop her friend and her friend's child from doing some fun activities just because her kid was there.So she offered the seat so they could all have a good time.

[lovingmommyhood]

Originally Posted by stik

If the occasion arises where driving is absolutely necessary, you can always turn the seat rf (to satisfy your safety concerns - I wouldn't suggest it for any other reason) and make an excuse later if she asks.

I have to disagree. I don't think that the seat should be reinstalled by the DCP for any reason. If the seat was turned RF by the DCP and something actually did happen she could be blamed for having reinstalled the seat. I don't know this for a fact but it seems like it could be a problem.

[North_Of_60]

Oh my goodness, there's a safety forum!!!!

This wasn't here when I started this thread was it? :

[ThreeBeans]

Originally Posted by North_Of_60

Oh my goodness, there's a safety forum!!!!

This wasn't here when I started this thread was it? :

No

[North_Of_60]

Originally Posted by ThreeBeans

No

Oh good. Thought I was loosing it for a minute.

[bobica]

Originally Posted by velochic

I think it's the mom's call. She's not asking you to break the law. The child is well within the guidelines to FF. If you don't feel comfortable complying with the mother's very reasonable request, then you probably shouldn't watch the child.

Yup, i agree.

[wonderwahine]

I agree with pp's, its the moms call.

On a side note, ds is now FF, it was a fight every time to get him in the seat, we litterally had to force him in, and he would cry until he hyperventilated and turned blue, even with me soothing him and offering to nurse while still in the seat. So I would end up having to take him out, and nurse him to comfort with him unrestrained. We decided since hes over the age and minimum weight limit for FF, we would try it once, well... it worked, he REQUESTS getting in, and climbs into it himself now.

I figure having him FF is better than nothing at all.

[MeepyCat]

I think there's an argument to be made that in your car, the kids follow your rules, and meet or exceed the safety expectations set by their parents. Your friend may allow - may even prefer - her child to ride forward facing in her car. In your car, you prefer children to ride backward facing as you feel that is safer. In her car, her child would ride forward facing and yours would ride backward facing, meeting your safety expectations.

Ultimately, I think this is a pretty trivial issue. Kids can adjust to riding different ways in different cars. Parents can make simple explanations. "In our car, you can ride facing forward, but in Aunt Judy's car, you're safer if you face the back." I would not be bothered by someone wanting my kid to ride differently in their car than I allow in mine, provided I didn't feel that my child's safety was compromised by the change.

[wonderwahine]

Originally Posted by MeepyCat

I would not be bothered by someone wanting my kid to ride differently in their car than I allow in mine, provided I didn't feel that my child's safety was compromised by the change.

I would be, because there were very distinct reasons behind us going FF, and this mom may have them to, and just not want to tell the whole story.

[JessicaS]

My car my rules.

My car will not start properly until all seatbelts and carseats are properly buckled (no..that isn't true I pretend my car won't start )

The child in question is three, so there is some wiggle room here, I would definitely would try and negotiate with the child regarding RF if they were under 35 lbs. Plus, they'll be able to see the other child RF and bemoan their RF plight together so they might not freak out too badly.

IMO, if I could talk the child into RF without hysterical screaming and minor compromises like mirrors or silly songs then I would do it.

I do have OCD and get a little crazy when it comes to car safety. My seatbelt saved my life three years ago.

You can't predict what will happen. Someone fell asleep at the wheel and plowed into me on the highway.

RF did bother my dd for a time and we placed several mirrors on the ceiling of our car for her to watch.

[JessicaS]

Originally Posted by wonderwahine

I would be, because there were very distinct reasons behind us going FF, and this mom may have them to, and just not want to tell the whole story.

A parent should feel be willing to explain things to someone who is going to have the responsibility of caring for their child. I haven't ever watched a child and not known their life story..but they were always my friend's kids so explanations weren't necessary.

If you want someone to be aware of the needs of your child then one would have to explain and be willing to explain so they can get the care that best suits them.

[wonderwahine]

Originally Posted by abimommy

A parent should feel be willing to explain things to someone who is going to have the responsibility of caring for their child. I haven't ever watched a child and not known their life story..but they were always my friend's kids so explanations weren't necessary.

If you want someone to be aware of the needs of your child then one would have to explain and be willing to explain so they can get the care that best suits them.

this is true, but maybe shes just a private person..... either way, it was just a maybe, it might not be in this situation, but I think its a good thing to rememeber in future times when you are looking after anyones kids.

[ThreeBeans]

Originally Posted by wonderwahine

this is true, but maybe shes just a private person..... either way, it was just a maybe, it might not be in this situation, but I think its a good thing to rememeber in future times when you are looking after anyones kids.

If someone wants me to look after their kids, and they are expressingly asking me to do something that isn't even CLOSE to best practice in terms of safety, they'd better have a reason. "Private person" isn't going to cut it.

[JessicaS]

Originally Posted by wonderwahine

this is true, but maybe shes just a private person..... either way, it was just a maybe, it might not be in this situation, but I think its a good thing to rememeber in future times when you are looking after anyones kids.

Um, no if I am looking after someone's kids I want to be able to give them the care they require.

Every child is different and any reasonable person would try and do what they could to meet a child's needs if they were in their care. If someone isn't willing to provide me with the information I would be upset.

Say a child has a horrific fear of monkeys and I take them to the zoo, of course we are going to see all the apes. So, child gets hysterical and freaks, I mention it and THEN parent informs me they hate monkeys, well I am going to be angry because the whole situation could have been avoided in the first place, I wouldn't drag monkey hating children off to see the apes.

I do sometimes watch people's kids, but I have known them all for years so I have never had this problem. If I was watching a new acquaintances child I would require all the information I might need.

AP is about meeting the individual needs of the child. If someone is going to withhold information from me, thus taking away my ability to do that, then that wouldn't be fair to me or the child.

[dallaschildren]

Thought I would just throw this out here again:

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThreeBeans
How much DOES he weigh?

Originally Posted by North_Of_60

30 pounds.

He is in a Marathon which RF to 33 pounds. So he is 3 years old and 3 pounds away from the RF weight limit on the Marathon.

So, OP, how did it go? Did you talk to her?

[hottmama]

When I watch a friend's child, I let the parent decide how their kid will ride. Most people turn their kids around really early, at 12-18 mos. My 19 mo. old will be rfing for a long time and hopefully people will learn from the example we set. I do insist on booster seats in my car for 4-10 yr. old kids too short for the seatbelt, even if they've been out of a booster for years. The rule in my car is that everyone has to be secured to at least a certain safety minimum, whether that is a RFing carseat under 1/20 lbs (honestly, I'd say under 18 mos. but it has never come up), harness under 4, and booster seat until they fit right in the seatbelt. And seatbelts for all (I had to force my own mother to wear one when I visited last weekend!) But beyond the minimum all we can do is suggest a better way.
If you do turn the seat RFing, you'll probably have to change the harness height.