preschool debate with DH!!

[citymama]

I feel ridiculous. I do feel that my 3.5yo would enjoy being around a set group of kids away from mommy on a regular basis. She's getting more and more independent and wanting to spend time with friends every day. Pretty much all of her friends will be in school this year, except for one who has moved about an hour away. DH is absolutely insistent that DD go to school this year. So I signed her up for 3 afternoons a week, but the school has had problems with it's space (bad smell due to a either rotting tree roots and/or rodent issues from nearby construction - aaah, city life). I voiced my doubts over the school space to DH and went and checked it out myself. There is some lingering smell though they've worked hard on the space over the summer. But there is another school that has a spot available but it 5 afternoons a week. I like the school - it does have the better philosophy IMHO - , but am driven to tears and insomnia at the thought of doing a 5-day program. I have a baby as well and want to keep our days regular, yet relaxed and leave time to other things and not have all our days structured around going back and forth to school with a 3-yo and a 9mo each afternoon.

I am torn!! and I think I'm overthinking all this.

Thanks for "listening"!

[PiePie]

i think that presch is good, if you can afford it.

[ledzepplon]

Five days a week sounds like a lot to me. What if you signed her up for another activity instead, like dance classes or swimming lessons?

[Needle in the Hay]

I think the parent who will be actually dealing with it has the final say-so. IMO your DH has every right to express his preferences but he can't be "adamant" about something that will fall on you to deal with--and that seems to be something you are not comfortable with (and I don't blame you, 5 days a week is a lot for a little one).

[hubris]

If your gut tells you not to send her, don't enroll her in preschool. She's young and she will not be broken by not attending school.

You did mention, however, that you think she would like seeing the same children on a more regular basis. If you decide to send her to school, personally, I would choose the school with the better philosophy. The physical/emotional environment my child will be in is really important.

For number of days per week - there is no truancy officer for preschool. At most schools I know of, you can register your child for 5 days but nobody is going to force your child to GO 5 days. You might discover that she really enjoys being there every day, or you might fall into a Tues-through-Thurs pattern. Our preschool offers both 3-day and 5-day slots but the 3-day slots are very limited (for school budget purposes). Some parents do enroll their children for 5 days but go less - either planned that way or just doing whatever is needed week by week.

[lucyem]

We had to sign our son up for 5 days a week, there was no shorter choice. I was not sure if he was ready and I planned to keep him home a day or 2 if needed. He was barely 4 at the time. From day one he loved it. He would cry when I came to pick him up. It ended up being harder for me then him. I will admit I am so tired of the daily 40 minute one way drive that when summer arrived I was thrilled. But my son is so unhappy and counting down the days until he goes back.

Just some thoughts. If you are happier with the school it will be easier to leave your daughter. If you are unhappy it will be harder to leave her even if its only for a couple of days. As another poster said there is no reason you cannot skip days in preschool if you feel 5 days are too much. Maybe you will find 3 or 4 work for the fall and then in winter 5 might be better. Afternoons at my house are the toughest. Its mostly nap time and get ready for dinner and any melt downs that may occur. You may find having DD occupied in the afternoons could be a benefit.

[busybabymom]

lucyem, I just wonder what made you choose the preschool that's 40 min drive each way? I'm considering one preschool that far from us for this coming year because it's the only Reggio Emilia school I've found around here. But dh thinks I'm nuts for wanting to drive that far because there are plenty of other preschools near us. He said: "It's only a preschool! Don't make life too complicated."

TIA

[hubris]

Originally Posted by busybabymom

"It's only a preschool! Don't make life too complicated."

I'll agree that sometimes people get too wrapped up in curricular details for preschool. Holy schmoly, 3-year-olds don't need to be working toward meeting Harvard admission criteria, you know? But saying it's "only" preschool seems a little overly simplistic. The environment your child spends her day in is important. Who are the adults she will interact with, what is their attitude about childhood, how will they typically spend their day?

Our son goes to a Reggio-inspired preschool. It takes me about 15-20 minutes to drive there, which isn't bad, but people who live close to me cannot understand why I drive into town when there are probably a dozen or more "good" preschools between us and our school. I chose that school because I wanted his preschool experience to be an extention of the same attitudes toward life that we have in our home. I didn't want him playing inside with electronic toys and filling in worksheets. I love that he plays in the forest and the creek at his school every day, gets to explore nature a lot, and that their indoor time is also very imaginative and collaborative. The adults who work at the school are very focused on the relationships children have with the adults, with each other, with their families. The larger school community (parents) is great, too. I would drive pretty far for that, since it's not available anywhere else in our area and it has been such a positive experience for our family.

[LynnS6]

This is a good link about choosing preschools.

http://www.naeyc.org/ece/2005/06.asp


I would look for a preschool that is play-based, allows children sufficient time to engage in activities (so they're not changing activities every 10 minutes), focuses on social skills, has a highly qualified, stable staff and a good child-teacher ratio, facilities that allow for different types of play - fine motor, dramatic play, large motor (even when the weather is bad).

After that, 'philosophy' is all well and good, but I'd rather send my child to a well run traditional program (i.e. play-based, not academic) than a poorly run Reggio Emilio/Montesorri/Waldorf whatever philosophy you want. Personally, I'd go mad with a 40 minute one way drive!

5 days a week does sound like a lot, but it really depends on your child. Our dd is just over 3, and will be going to daycare 3x a week and preschool at our church 2x a week. Preschool is 2 1/2 hours and we're doing it so she gets to know her 'cohort' there. Daycare is actually Reggio Emilio, and our church more traditional, but both are very child-centered, play-based.

Why is the philosophy of the 5x a week one better? What are the negatives to keeping her home 1-2 days a week in that program? What's the philosophy of the 3x a week one? Is it just the smell that bothers you or is that just a 'rationalization' because you don't really want to send her there. Is there another 2-3 day a week option?

[mommy68]

Is it possible to just take your child 2-3 days per week at the other school even though you pay for 5 days per week? My DD has been in preschool this summer for 3 days per week but has hardly gone at all because she likes staying home. But if you can afford it I would go with the 5 day per week and just take her on the days you 'want' to take her.

[RomanGoddess]

Is it all day or just mornings? If it is just mornings, I would not hesitate for a second. Put her in the five day programme. This is actually BETTER than three days in terms of the child's rhythm and comfort because the child is in a routine and knows what to expect. It is one day on, one day off that is hard on a child, because the child has to get used to the other environment all over again every day!

Incidentally, we live in Italy, where universal preschool, five days a week, begins at age three, and 99 percent of children attend. We lived in France before where there is also universal preschool from age three. The activities are 100 percent age appropriate and it is a great environment.

[mamaduck]

I would go with whichever school seems a better fit for your child, after several visits/interviews. (I would look at other things though, besides issues with the space. A bag smell is better than a poor teacher, kwim?)

If you can afford the 5-afternoon program, keep in mind that you don't have to send her everyday. If you have an off morning, or fun plans, you can keep her with you. She's your kid, after all. You retain the right to be flexible, no matter what you choose!

Also, since you have an infant, remember to ask questions about both schools about whether you will be allowed to visit the classroom, attend field trips and class parties, etc. -- with the baby. Speaking from experience here, it can be very traumatic to have a preschool tell you to get a sitter if you want to be involved. A school that allows siblings to come to fun activities is likely to have an ethos that is more supportive and in sync with AP.

[zansmama]

Hey, there are alternatives to preschool... We have a playgroup that we LOVE. Ds gets to play with the same group of kids a couple times a week, and mama gets to socialize too! Plus, if you have a baby, it could be a nice break for you: everyone loves to hold and play with the babies.

I'm just sayin'... if preschool doesn't seem like a good option...

[Mom2Joseph]

Originally Posted by cmlp

Is it all day or just mornings? If it is just mornings, I would not hesitate for a second. Put her in the five day programme. This is actually BETTER than three days in terms of the child's rhythm and comfort because the child is in a routine and knows what to expect. It is one day on, one day off that is hard on a child, because the child has to get used to the other environment all over again every day!.

I would have to respectfully disagree with this. Our DS was in preschool in the spring and every day was waaaay too much for him. He needed those days in between to relax, hang out and have that extra time with us.

Also, in the end, the forced schedule on *me* was part of the reason we pulled him out and won't send him back. It was upheaval for the entire family. Add to it that he was sick constantly and that another person became an authority in his life and preschool in general quickly became a bad fit for our family.

If it's social interaction your child wants, why not look around for a playgroup? It's free, and you may meet some other great moms!

If preschool is really what everyone wants, you can follow DD's lead and maybe let her choose how often she feels comfortable going? good luck!