Hi, all. I'm a new single mama to a son, Morgan Scott, born June 21. He was conceived via donor insemination. I was really, really ready to have a baby and didn't want to wait around for the right partner to come along. Anyone else here a single parent from the get-go?
I've been a single parent for 2 years and I have to say I'm loving it. I had 1 foster child with my ex and after she left I decided I wanted more and kept accepting children until I now have 3 boys to adopt. People think that single parenting is so much harder than couple parenting, but I don't think so. There are tradeoffs. I wanted kids even before I met my partner, but I was so scared to do it alone. I thought that it would be too hard. Once I started parenting, though, I really loved it.
My sons father is my best friend. We have been really, really close for over 13 years, and after talking about it for several years we decided to go ahead and get pregnant!
And now we are the proud parents of the worlds most wonderful 2 year old!
Our goal is to buy a big house togther one day. A house so big that we can make it in to 2 separate apartements.
But for now we live as close to each other as we can. And Noah spends as much time with is father as he can.
I am also a single mother by choice and a queer mama. I left my ex when I found out I was pregnant. I love being a single mother. I can raise my child the way that I feel that I should.
I am single (divorced 3 years) and six months pregnant with donor sperm. Planned this for a long time. Can't wait to meet my daughter. What I love about being single is that I get to make all the child rearing decisions, and don't have any to deal with a husband's needs and baby's needs at the same time. Freedom!
yeah, i'm one of the single momz by choice gals. i considered doing the
artificial insemination thing, but ended up getting pregnant by a guy
I was casually dating. I couldn't be happier! My daughter was
born on April 21st. I haven't yet connected with other single parents
in my area, but hope to do so soon. I know there's got to be lots of us out there!
I'm a single mom by choice. I got pregnant by someone I was casually seeing after I first moved away to college, and haven't seen him since. My amazing son was born on July 1st.
My son is now 10 weeks and what a 10 weeks it's been! It's been rough in a number of ways, but it could have been way way worse. I'm so thankful that I spent 10 years as a nanny before having my own child. If I hadn't, I'd be floundering and freaking out, I'm sure.
We've been living with my mother and stepfather since he was born, which was great in the beginning, but we're soooooo ready to have our own place. It was wonderful in the post-partum period to have my mother around. She's incredibly supportive and I don't think I'd have gotten through some of it without her, but I'm ready to do it on my own now. We're moving into our new apartment this weekend. Yay!
I am divorced with 3 grown children. I raised them alone for 12 years. I know what it is to raise them with a parent and as a single parent and I can truly say anyone that has children on purpose as a single parent needs their head examined. Children need the constant energy of male and female. This whole society is going to crap for sure. I had to work full time and you know they can't get the real quality time they need. Oh sure when I got home it is cook, clean, laundry, shop and do this on a single womans salary till I dropped into bed. My children all have issues as do most from broken homes and single parent homes. Y'all have babies now and yes there are the few good turnout stories I was a sinlge mom and it turned out all right. But I work in the medical profession and see the social situations firsthand and this generation is suffering bigtime for a lot of reaons but the main one is broken homes and who is raising Johnny?
Originally posted by rickyshot I am divorced with 3 grown children. I raised them alone for 12 years. I know what it is to raise them with a parent and as a single parent and I can truly say anyone that has children on purpose as a single parent needs their head examined. Children need the constant energy of male and female. This whole society is going to crap for sure. I had to work full time and you know they can't get the real quality time they need. Oh sure when I got home it is cook, clean, laundry, shop and do this on a single womans salary till I dropped into bed. My children all have issues as do most from broken homes and single parent homes. Y'all have babies now and yes there are the few good turnout stories I was a sinlge mom and it turned out all right. But I work in the medical profession and see the social situations firsthand and this generation is suffering bigtime for a lot of reaons but the main one is broken homes and who is raising Johnny?
A single mother by choice creates a family--she doesn't break it. She isn't forming a broken home--she's piecing together a very whole life.
As for who is raising Johnny, that's an issue society as a whole faces with ALL children from ALL families.
Single mothers who choose to give birth or adopt are as viable and integral to society as any two parent family, or other family format.
I am not a single mother--my husband and I coparent. But I would never judge all single mothers, as a whole, for their actions, anymore than I would make any sweeping generalization about any group. There are two parent homes that are horrific, abusive, and neglectful, just as there are single moms raising happy, healthy, emotionally integrated children. Generalizations don't apply.
Please don't lump all "single moms" together. Most kids at some point will spend time in a single parent household while they are growing up. That's just the way it is. You seem to have a limited view of the potential situations single moms are in. I am pregnant with my first child. I am a single mom by choice, and planned to have this child without a partner. I can't imagine my situation being any more ideal. I am financially secure, I am a professional who makes >70k a year, and I only work outside the home 2 days a week. My kids will be raised by a mother who is present. Still, I plan to hire a live-in au pair to help with childcare. I have three brothers, and lots of male friends to be uncles. I live in a great community. My child will want for nothing. Not all single moms are poor, stressed out, overwhelmed, bitter women. My single mother by choice friends are all very thoughtful, resourceful women, who provide great homes for their kids. We put a lot of thought into doing this. "Choosing" single parenthood is a very different mindset than having it thrust upon you by divorce or abandonment. That mindset makes all the difference. Most kids in single parent households do just fine. When they don't, it has more to do with poverty or parental discord, than single-mothering per se.
Gendenwitha---we can't yet know what my kid(s) will long for. I am sure at times they will want a scooter, a beach house, a horse, and probably a dad. They will also be able to look around and see that families come in all kinds of styles. Our family has a mom, grandmom, aunts, uncles, etc...There is nothing inherent in the human condition that requires two co-habitating parents of opposite gender to raise happy kids. I spent most of my childhood wishing my own father would drop off the face of the earth. My kids will also see plenty of of dads who stink, and I will be sure to point out to them that they are not really missing much by not having one. I have known some terrific fathers, and I admire them. But, I stand by my belief that kids need love and support from at least one parent (extended family and friends are also great!). More than that is nice, but not essential. We will thrive. The kids of single moms by choice, that I have known, do not feel they are "missing" a dad because it has never been part of their experience. You are confusing them with kids from divorced/separated families. Kids of smc's grow up feeling secure and whole in the families they have. They are not missing anything.
rickyshot - I am sorry your children "all have issues" and that you felt so unsupported when you were/are single. I'm sad that you & Gendenwitha are so negative and closed minded about single parents of any type. I hope that some day you are able to come from a more loving and supportive place.
That said, madison I hope your transition to your own home goes well! It'll be nice to have your own turf, I'm sure.
In a perfect world my children would have two loving parents who loved each other and lived together. But my world is far from perfect. My children are lucky to have two parents who love them very much but their parents do not live together. Life for my two children is much better since we do not live together. Life for my third who was created after we separated (we get along much better separated then together) will be my single mom child by choice. If I had waited until life was perfect then it would have been to late for children. But my children are much better off then many children who come from more traditional families because it takes more then a traditional setup to be good parents. The commitment to children takes endless patience and lots of putting their needs before yours, not something that is guarenteed with marriage. I can think of many cases of traditional families that are not as healthy for the children as the single families I know. I think the parents attitude to parenting is much more important then the marital status of the parents. Parenting is about love more then who you are. Just my experience.
I am not sure how you can state that generally children need two parents. It is a social convention. One that is not the norm in many places. It may be what you are comfortable with.
I, for one, think the expectation of a 2 parent, Ward and June Cleaver family led us straight to where we are now. It doesn't exist, it never did. It was invented, in part, to keep womyn married, busily existing for their husbands, who were important, wage earning, gone all day guys who were moving up the career ladder, letting the little woman do the home and family thing.
Feh...I never did buy into and I still don't. Families come in all shapes and sizes and types. Folks can go around saying "Well, MY definition of a family is this...and you all SHOULD be this way or your kids will be missing something, or screwed up, or have issues."
My family may not be what anyone else thinks we should be. I am not a single mom by choice. Heck, I am not even a mom by choice!!! I am a walking advertisment for contraception failure.
My family is amazing and wonderful and fulfilling and close and attached and loved and cherished and I feel disregarded and dismissed that because I am not married, or because I did not chose to raise my children as a single person, that my family is not as good as others' families. Our lives are not a mistake. My family is not flawed.
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Related Threads
?
?
?
?
?
Mothering Forum
16.5M posts
285.1K members
Since 1996
A forum community dedicated to all mothers and inclusive family living enthusiasts. Come join the discussion about nurturing, health, behavior, housing, adopting, care, classifieds, and more!