I'm a child of parents who divorced when I was 2, both remarried when I was 3, and both divorced again when I was 17 and 22. One has remarried again, the other has not. My answers are coming from that perspective, so take from it what you will. My father and step-mother raised me from the time I was 3 til they divorced when I was 17.
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Originally Posted by Selesai
I'm tired of there being another person in our small house, and a room that we can never use because it's his.
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After reading more of your posts, seeing that you have a small child and another baby on the way, and only 2 bedrooms, I will say this arrangement doesn't make much sense. I can see the SS having the 2nd bedroom when he's there, but I certainly can't imagine dedicating that space ONLY to him when you obviously don't have much space to work with. What does your DH say about this situation?
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I'm tired of the money for the braces and the traveling and the vacations and the presents and the constant treats, and of being the bad guy if I try to set any limits. |
IMO, the step parent *really* shouldn't handle the financial aspect of child support. Your DH should have some sort of financial agreement with his ex, correct? As in, he sends x amount of money each month, right? *He* is the one who needs to write and send those checks. If he is responsible for things like braces, then he's responsible. It won't be any different than when YOUR son gets older and you guys are told he needs x,y,z. You figure out a way to pay for it, just like you will if it's your own son.
As for the 'setting limits' part, I'm thinking you mean setting limits on what is spent on things that are in addition to agreed upon child support. Like the treats and vacations maybe? I think *every* family needs a workable budget, and these things need to be a part of your family's budget. Both you and your DH have to be on the same page when it comes to spending, no matter WHAT you're spending the money on. Otherwise, you're just asking for trouble.
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I'm tired of the mouthing off and the pee on the toilet seat (when it's down, that is) and the towels and dishes on the floor and the sugar all over the kitchen counter and the wet clothes dripping all over the bathroom. |
Disrespect is unacceptable and wouldn't be tolerated. The messes can be cleaned by SS, and if he refuses and your DH refuses to insist he pick up after himself, your DH can do it himself. I would not play that game with either of them.
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I'm tired of years of court cases and of writing checks to someone for whom they will never be enough. |
Unfortunately, these things seem to be a part of life for families who are divorced. It sucks. I would recommend you not be the one writing the checks though, as I personally think your DH should handle that himself.
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I'm tired of there being another family in my life that I don't like and never got to choose, but constantly seems to affect me. |
Were you unaware he had a child when you married him? I have a *really* hard time feeling much empathy for someone with this issue unless they were completely unaware of the step-child/ex-spouse when the met, dated, and married their current spouse. As long as you knew about his child, you DID *choose* to become a part of the situation. Doesn't mean the situation doesn't stink, but it *was* a choice (again, assuming you knew he had a child when you married him).
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I'm tired of being mocked and disrespected and made fun of, and of my parenting direction (FOR MY OWN CHILD) being ignored, and of my child never getting to be number one. |
Again, disrespect is not ok. Not by your SS, not by your DH, not by his ex. Not. Ok. Who is ignoring your parenting of your own child? The only two people who should be parenting your son are you and your DH. The two of you need to work together on this, but you'd have to do this regardless of him having another child.
Why do you feel your child doesn't get to be 'number one'? Perhaps your DH believes focusing on the SS (I'm totally guessing here and may be way off, so forgive me if I am) while he is there is acceptable because your son is there all the time? It would stand to reason that obviously the SS isn't the sole focus of the family if SS isn't even there for the bulk of the month.
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And most of all, I'm tired of never being able to talk to my DH about this, because then it suddenly becomes about HIM and is no longer about me and my feelings. |
This is where I would very strongly urge counseling, even if it's just for you. The divorce rate for remarriages is horrid. Assuming you do not want to become another statistic, you NEED to figure out a way to communicate your feelings with your DH if you have any hope of making your marriage work. Having someone who is impartial to the situation can be critical when figuring things out in a mixed family.