Toddler in a jewelry store...

[kissum]

Help me with this.

I tend to do really well as far as not losing my temper, letting her explore, etc.

However, my family business is an upper end jewelry store in a resort community. My dd has been coming to work with me on Thursdays and Saturday mornings. I feel really blessed that I can take her with me, because it means I can spend more time with her.

Anyway, I have a few concerns.

1) She really, really, really, can't touch anything she's not supposed too. It's not like at home where if I ask her to please not touch my new couch with her sticky fingers.
The other day, she actually broke something. A $3000 something. : And now I have to figure out how to handle that.
But the problem is, she wants to touch it all. It's pretty, and on top of that she wants to "help" me. I do have her help windex etc to keep her involved but she has to stay away from the cases. She does have a toy basket in the corner too.


2) She runs away. I generally let her explore as she wants, and that's fine. However, she likes to run away while I am at work, and I can't leave the store unattended (we're talking about a 1/2 million worth of merchandise, at this time of year). There are stairs a little ways off, and an escalator, not to mention lots of strangers. We've tried an "invisible fence" and she does really well about 75% of the time, which I know is really good, but I really need it to be better. I have to have the doors open to the store as well, because otherwise hardly anyone comes in.

3) I lose my temper with her. I think because I am trying to balance doing my job and keeping a toddler from breaking anything or escaping, I get really frazzled. I find myself get more angry with her than I would with the same behaviors in another situation, just because I have so many things I need to attend to. She is constantly wanting my attention when I need to be doing something else (I know, totally normal). For example, if I have a customer in the store, she will want up. I'll pick her up, she'll ask to nurse. I tell her in a minute, and she starts screaming, or just shoves my shirt down and exposes me. Not usually the best sales tactic. Although I guess it might work on some men!

I know that she is behaving in a completely normal way, and I also think she is acting out because I am not paying enough attention to her, and her behavior forces me too. I try to sit down and play with her as much as possible, but it's obviously less than if we were home.

I hate to say this, but I wonder if I need to start sending her to daycare those days too? It would make me very sad, but my boss (aka my dad and her grandpa) has had it with the way she is acting, especially since she is such an angel most of the time!

Sorry this was so long! Help, please?

[MomInCalifornia]

I can understand why you want to have her with you, but truthfully I think this is just too difficult of a situation to make work with out loads of frustration.

I can't imagine it is easy for you to work with all the stress of making sure she does not damage anything or run off, and I bet she is not having much fun either.

If you have a child care situation you are both comfortable with, I would have her go on the days you work. She will have more fun in a kid friendly enviorment, and you will be able to focus and enjoy your time at work more.

I know you said you want to bring her because it is more time to be together, but it sounds like that time is more frustrating that enjoyable for both of you.

Good luck!

[mamaduck]

What about hiring someone to come play with her at your work? If you could find a teen who is homeschooled, they might be available on Thursdays even after school starts.

Does your store have a sensormatic alarm? I used to work in a store and the handful of times that I brought kids to work with me, I'd clip a sensor to the back of my kid's shirt, so that if he ran out the door the alarm would go off.

I can't imagine how to keep her away from the cases. Is this just to keep her fingerprints off them? I dunno -- if thats the problem, I might just let her go to town, and clean the cases right before you leave.

I used to volunteer at my birth center doing clerical stuff, and take my kids with me. I stopped going when the baby was about 15 months because of how crazy it got. He would burst into exam rooms while patients were being checked, and dump medical supplies down the toilet, scream in my ear when I had to answer the phone, and demand boobies at the most inconvenient times possible. LOL.

Another thing to consider -- if you do leave her at a daycare or with a sitter, it might just be for the next year or so. When she is a little bit older, it might become easier to have her at work with you again.

[mightymoo]

If I were you, I would sit down and really think about your motivations behind taking her to work. What is the true goal? And then consider whether this situation is really fulfilling the goal you want to achieve as opposed to other solutions.

What I mean is if your goal is her comfort and happiness, your assumption is that she's happiest because she's with you. That may be true most of the time, but perhaps with you in a situation where she can't touch anything or really get your attention when she wants is not as good as a situation (like a daycare or sitter) where she could touch everything, play with friends and get the attention of her caregiver when necessary. I would say give a daycare a try and see how she responds. If she's unhappy or you can't find a good situation, maybe the work situation is a better solution.

[kissum]

The reason I take her is because she's in daycare already 4 days a week, and and they can't take her the other 2 days. I am looking into a daycare right by my work, but it's super expensive.
Honestly, I think my reasons for taking her are totally selfish. I work all the time and I miss her! I've been thinking lately I might just have to suck it up.

It's just that she goes to bed about an hour and a half after I pick her up , and I feel liking I am missing everything. Maybe I can try and hire someone else so that I can do some of my work from home one or two days a week.

She loves to come with me though. She talks about it all week. "Bella work!".
As far as the cases, I totally let her fingerprint them up. It's more when I am getting into them or setting up in the morning when she is "helping" and I am so afraid she will break something else.

ETA: The more that I think about it, the more I think the problem is really my dad, not me. He gets stressed out when she is there, which makes me stressed out. He's not usually there though, so when he is Bella wants to show off. Hmmm. Maybe I need to see how she does next week when he isn't there.

[sofiabugmom]

I used to bring DD to the yarn shop when I clerked there. One thing that helped with the "gotta touch" was the "one finger touch" idea. She could touch any yarn in the store, but with only one finger. That prevented her from tangling up and knotting the $100 balls of yarn we had hanging around the store. Maybe this technique could help with her touching the $3000 items, harder to break when it's one little finger.

I feel your pain, though. I had to quit my job because DD was getting demanding to the point of distracting, and wouldn't let me hold her very often b/c she was newly mobile (I was part-time anyway, and I'm not saying you should quit too!) Wish I had some more suggestions for you.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

This just sounds really unfair to everyone involved. Its completely unreasonable to ask her to behave for so long in such an environment. Its unfair to the customers to expect them to be patient while you attend your child and/or to share your attention between them and her. If they are looking at $3,000 jewelry items, they deserve and expect 110% of your attention. Its unfair to your father to ask him to put up with damage and other issues just so you can have her with you. And its unfair to you to have this much added stress.

I'm sorry, but I think you either need to give up the job or find a different childcare solution. If you really need this income, can you change the schedule to have more of her "awake" time? Can you work a split shift or more nap time? Can your partner take a more active role during these times or other times so she is in daycare less? Maybe a babysitter for some of those times so she gets more one on one attention?

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by kissum

I hate to say this, but I wonder if I need to start sending her to daycare those days too? It would make me very sad, but my boss (aka my dad and her grandpa) has had it with the way she is acting, especially since she is such an angel most of the time!

I would suggest this. Your title says it all, IMO.

[kissum]

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom

I'm sorry, but I think you either need to give up the job or find a different childcare solution. If you really need this income, can you change the schedule to have more of her "awake" time? Can you work a split shift or more nap time? Can your partner take a more active role during these times or other times so she is in daycare less? Maybe a babysitter for some of those times so she gets more one on one attention?

I'm single, so no partner to help out. I need the job, and honestly if all keeps going well in a couple of years I will be working less, and it won't be that big of a deal. Also, I only work 8 months/year, so that's a huge perk as a mommy.

I hired someone today who can work a couple of day shifts. I think once I get her trained, I will be able to work from home at least 1 day per week, and maybe pick up DD early another day. I was sort of hoping you guys would reassure me, but it looks like having her a work just isn't happening right now. Maybe next year!

[limabean]

Originally Posted by kissum

I work all the time and I miss her! ... It's just that she goes to bed about an hour and a half after I pick her up , and I feel like I am missing everything.

I'm sorry -- that must be really hard.

I do think, though, that your dad has a right to have his business project the image he wishes, and that may not include a toddler playing with the jewelry, trying to get your attention away from your customers, etc.

And it sounds like your little girl is having a hard time getting all her needs met on workdays. I know how hard that is -- I work from home, and I get really stressed on the days when my deadline and DS's needs clash.

The mother's helper idea was a great one, if you can find somebody. That way you'd be able to give your DD your attention when possible, but when you're busy she'll have someone looking after her.

[cycle]

I agree with the pps, your dd is a young toddler, I think this situation is not fair to anyone involved. The expectations for her are way too high, she is at the age where she wants to touch everything, and help mommy, and she wants you attention when she wants it - she doesn't really get the waiting until your free concept. You being so stressed is making things that much more difficult, she senses it and reacts to it.

I feel for you and understand completely about you wanting her there with you. If you could find a sitter who you really trust to come into work with you that would be great. When/if your dd is becoming too much for indoors, maybe the sitter can take her for a walk or to a park. This would also help burn off some energy. I would try this option first, if you live in an area that has a craiglist site thats a great resource. You can probably find a college student.

Good Luck!

[LynnS6]

My dh works from home and when our kids hit toddler age, that's when we had to start getting some daycare. The toddler years are particularly difficult, especially in a situation where she's not allowed to touch.

Is there a way that you can have her in daycare 5 days a week and then in the store for 1/2 a day on Saturdays? Is there a way you can leave earlier and do some of your work after she goes to bed? (That's what I do. It sucks in terms of personal time, but it gives me the 4:30 to 8:30 time with my kids.)

But honestly, given the situation that you've described, I wouldn't have her there. It's too much stress on everyone. Let's hope the person you hired will work out.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Originally Posted by kissum

I'm single, so no partner to help out. I need the job, and honestly if all keeps going well in a couple of years I will be working less, and it won't be that big of a deal. Also, I only work 8 months/year, so that's a huge perk as a mommy.

I hired someone today who can work a couple of day shifts. I think once I get her trained, I will be able to work from home at least 1 day per week, and maybe pick up DD early another day. I was sort of hoping you guys would reassure me, but it looks like having her a work just isn't happening right now. Maybe next year!

I'm sorry -- I would love to support you and I can tell how much you want this to work. It must be especially hard as a single mom -- hats off to you for trying to make it work for everyone. Sometimes though the logistics just don't make it possible. I closed my business because I couldn't make it work with the family, so I know how hard it is to accept that. Five years of struggling to make a personal dream work, but it didn't work with two really little kids, so I went to plan B (well, more like Q, but that's a different story).

Working from home part of the time sounds like a great idea, especially if you can do the work at any time during the day. I think the best you can do to meet your needs and those of your child is to look at your schedule and how to carve out time for her and still make ends meet, and do the best you can for childcare. As she gets older and better able to understand the limits of being in a store, and better able to entertain herself, it will work better -- this is a temporary thing because of her developmental stage.