Not sure how to respond...

[bluebonnet]

My dd is 1 week shy of 18 months and about a week ago bit my knee just to see what would happen. I told her calmly but firmly that we don't bite and distracted her back to playing something else (she had been playing at kissing my knee...odd game, but she loves doing it!)

Anyway...this morning, she was climbing on to the couch using my body to pull herself up and as she buried her head in my belly, she bit down hard. I don't think she meant to hurt me intentionally, but she knows when she is biting. Anyway. I told her again very firmly (not mean or yelling at all) , "no biting. biting hurts. We don't bite mama." and 2 seconds later, she was full blown crying. I felt awful. She is normally very very well behaved so I rarely have to redirect her or ask her to stop a behavior.

But...once you tell them to stop. What do you do if they start crying? I don't think she was scared. As I said, I didn't yell at all. Just spoke firmly which I rarely do. I think she just realized that she shouldn't have done that. I basically just held her and rubbed her back while I talked w/ her and then let her suck on my finger (I've always been her pacifier). She calmed down w/in a minute, but I wasn't sure what I should do to both comfort her and to reinforce that the behavior should not be repeated.

Any advice?

Thanks Mamas!

[mavery]

I think I would do something similar to what you did. It sounds like she's very sensitive to your displeasure, so you can probably be even more gentle in your tone another time. But in this situation, just sitting with her so she knows that you won't abandon her if she does something you don't like seems like the right message to me. I wouldn't suddenly start being silly or playful to try to cheer her up or anything, but just being respectful of her upset does not seem to me to undermine the message that you don't want her to bite.

[captain crunchy]

I think comforting her was wonderful and kudos to you for doing that!!! Honestly, I think that setting your personal boundary ("I don't like to be bitten and won't accept it, even from someone I love" is what you essentially communicated) was enough -- but the comforting was AWESOME in my opinion, because I believe it communicated something like ("...and even though not being bitten is a personal and reasonable boundary I have, I will always love you and comfort you when you are in need of it") ... at least that is what I choose to believe in those situations...

I don't believe for a second your child thought, geez, mama hugged and comforted me, it must be cool to bite her! Of course, babes her age (and much older too!) haven't honed their impulse control so she may bite again -- but not because you comforted her!

dd went through a biting phase that we thought would NEVER end -- it was SO hard to maintain calmness when she clamped down -- but thank God, we managed to and she always got the same response from us "We do not like to be bitten. It hurts our bodies. We do like to be _____ (kissed, hugged, etc)" ... In addition, we always tried to find underlying needs -- some kids are very oral and like to chew, bite, suck etc --- and seriously, human flesh really feels kind of squishy and cool to chew on (okay that sounded sick but you know what I mean....texturally speaking)

Dd's phase only lasted about a month and happened around a year old I think? (she is two now) ... she is now bite -free without being shamed or punished or anything like that.

So I would say you handled things great -- keep letting her know it is a personal boundary if it happens again... but also keep communicating that you love her no matter what, even if something she does is not desirable to you (that's where the comforting is great, it lets her feel secure that no, you didn't like the biting, but that you aren't withdrawing love because of it).

[mommy2abigail]

: We comfort our children any other time they are upset, so I would not hesitate to comfort dd if she was in a similar situation. In fact, the other night she climbed over me (she's taken to using me as her jungle gym at night) and mashed my very sore pregnancy boobies. I yelped, not to scare her, it was just my very real reaction. She lost it. She didn't understand why I had yelped, and it scared her. I immediately comforted her, assured her mama was ok and that I didn't mean to scare her. When she calmed down a bit, I reminded her to let me know before she climbs over me, and to be mindful of the 'milkies'. I think you handled it just fine.

[happy1nluv]

my son is still having boundary issues at 26 months, but we've just been persistent at doing the same kind of thing... he's never started crying afterwards but i totally think comforting was the right thing to do... like everything - it is a phase and you'll get through it!

[mamaduck]

I think you handled it very well. Nicely done, mama.

FWIW, my kids only ever bit me. Lucky me. I think my older son loved me so much that he got overwhelmed. Like he wanted to eat me up, kwim? But it hurts like HECK, doesn't it?

With my 2nd child -- I figured out that when he was biting, his ear was usually hurting. He usually had a full blown ear infection within a few days of starting to bite a lot. I think he was trying to clear it out, or something. Anyway -- thought I'd mention in in case the problem gets worse.

[cahwilson]

Originally Posted by mamaduck

I think you handled it very well. Nicely done, mama.

FWIW, my kids only ever bit me. Lucky me. I think my older son loved me so much that he got overwhelmed. Like he wanted to eat me up, kwim? But it hurts like HECK, doesn't it?

With my 2nd child -- I figured out that when he was biting, his ear was usually hurting. He usually had a full blown ear infection within a few days of starting to bite a lot. I think he was trying to clear it out, or something. Anyway -- thought I'd mention in in case the problem gets worse.

Thank you for that last tip!! My one year old has been biting dh and I (and drawing blood) several times a day here for the past few days. She has also been cranky and is prone to ear infections. I was thinking today that she probably has another ear infection, so maybe that is why she is biting us so much. I would have never put the two together!