My son wants to marry me.

[transformed]

It is so adorable. He wants to marry me. 4 years old. I am not sure but I think when he gives me a kiss on the lips he has (once or twice) made it a longer, and more romantic kiss.

I feel a little uncomfortable, even though I think it totally normal.

Oh but sometimes it gets innapropriate. I had a nightgown on last night and he sleeps with me, so in the morning-he grabs my boob (something dh does all the time and we TRY so hard not to do in front of the kids but he has slipped...LOL) I asked him to please touch his own boob (ds is obsessed with his own boobs too) and he said "But mine is too little-yours are awesome and big! Uhhhhh....:

How do I use this as a tool to teach him about marriage? How do I talk to him regarding this? Is it ok for me to pretend like I am married with him?

I think my ds is in love with me.

This is in my book of "Huh? I didnt expect this!"

It makes me smile that he sees his daddy love me enough to want to love me the same way. I want to take advantage of this time. How precious it is that my little baby is learning about relationships!

Jenny

[edamommy]

my ds is 4 too. And he loves me. He still is a "boob grabber", but I certainly don't equate it to my dh grabbing my boob!!!: he will do it when he's "extra in-love", like if he hurts himself and needs some mommy-love. Or if he's over-tired. It's a kick-back to comfort nursing, I'm sure. And he tells me that he loves me a zillion times a day. and he tries to do the LONG kiss thing too... with that I always just humor him and giggle an dtell him to "save the long kisses for the hot chicks mister"... and he'll laugh too.

i doubt he wants to love you in a married way. He's FOUR! He probably just needs some direction on what is okay for mommy-love and what is silliness...

[transformed]

Oh, Well he did nurse till he was 2 1/2 so mabye its not because dh does it. (He does EVERYTING like daddy including standing up to eat,,,LOL)

I dunno! Is it ok for him to be boob grabbing? Do you tell him to stop? Personally it doesnt really bother me, but I am not sure where the line is on that because its also an activity I share with dh intamatly too. (I hope I dont sound like a total idiot....I am starting to feel like one because I am going to have a child grow into a sexual being and not sure how to handle that or how it even works!?)

Jenny

[Lingmom]

I have a feeling that my daughter is in love with me too. When she was 4, she said the same thing... It was really sweet actually. She was talking about marriage and how much she liked a boy in her class but that she knew that they were too young to get married.

And then she got to talking about growing up and moving out of the house and would she really have to move away from me. And then she tentatively said... "maybe... if it's all right with you mommy... maybe we could get married and then we could stay together?"

I told her that I'm too old for her and already married and that when she's a grown-up she'll find somebody special for her. And I assured her that she could live with me as long as she wanted.

Oh... she probably would like to grope too... but I'm not okay with that. I think fours and fives are old enough to understand about privacy and how our bodies are our own.

[pixiepunk]

my DD told me she wanted to marry DH about 6 months ago. she got a little upset when DH said he was already married to me. so then she asked if she could marry her little brother instead

i think it's extremely normal for kids to want to marry their parents. they don't understand what marriage is, they just know it's what two people do when they love each other, and they love you. i wouldn't worry about it.

i have talked to DD when she seems receptive about how people marry those who are *outside* of their immediate family. i'll say something like "i didn't know daddy until i was 20 years old! until then i didn't know who i was going to marry." or "i love your uncle, but not the same way i love your daddy." i think it has helped some, because recently she told me she wanted to marry one of her little boy friends

as for the boob grabbing... my DD sometimes does it still, and DS (who is still a nursling) does it all the time. i do think it harkens back to their nursing days and gives them comfort. but still, if it makes you uncomfortable, there's nothing wrong with putting an end to it.

[transformed]

ds "plays with his boobys" sometimes when he is trying to go to sleep. I am not sure exactly what he is doing cause he is usually wearing a shirt. Mabye that is why. (I was never "concerned about that, but I often wonder "Hmmm, I wonder why he is doing that?) I am an inquisitive person by nature. LOL. I drove my parents batty.

[melissel]

Originally Posted by Lingmom

And then she got to talking about growing up and moving out of the house and would she really have to move away from me. And then she tentatively said... "maybe... if it's all right with you mommy... maybe we could get married and then we could stay together?"

Oh, this made me !!! My older DD wanted to marry me briefly too

I also wanted to say, about the boob grabbing, that my older DD has a fondness for a mole on my belly. She was a twiddler, and when I couldn't take it any longer I redirected her to the "moley." Well, she's almost 5 and it's still a comfort thing for her. If she's having a rough night, she'll ask if she can touch it while we lay down together before sleep, and she'll rub it with her thumb. If I'm not paying attention, sometimes she'll try to sneak her hand up my shirt and grab it, even though she knows she needs to ask first. And my best friend's DS, who nursed until he was two, was boob grabber for a long time, and still mentions it occasionally. So you're definitely not alone--I'm sure it has more to do with nursing and a memory of comfort than anything else.

I read a piece--I can't remember where, it was a book of parenting essays, maybe Mothers Who Think?--written by a mom whose son was in love with her for a few years. It sounded very intense for her, but they eventually got through the phase and everything was fine. Might be worth looking up, if anyone recognizes it.

HTH!

[melissel]

Originally Posted by transformed

I dunno! Is it ok for him to be boob grabbing? Do you tell him to stop? Personally it doesnt really bother me, but I am not sure where the line is on that because its also an activity I share with dh intamatly too. (I hope I dont sound like a total idiot....I am starting to feel like one because I am going to have a child grow into a sexual being and not sure how to handle that or how it even works!?)

Oh, forgot to address this. IMO, I would explain about people's private parts, and how they're OK for the owner to touch, but other people need to ask, at the very least. I'd explain that there are lots of other ways for the two of you to cuddle, but that your breasts are one (ok, two ) of your private parts, for you only. That's the way we've handled the moley thing, for the most part. I do still let her touch it when she needs it because it's not as taboo, but she's definitely not allowed to grab indiscriminately.

Hopefully others will have more advice because I need to go to bed now

[zansmama]

oh, ds is down my shirt all the time . My only rule is in public it's got to be outside my shirt.

And the other day, he said:"You know how one day I'll grow up and be a papa and find a beautiful lady, mama?" me: "mm-hmm?" Well that's going to be you, mama, and Papa will have to find another beautiful lady!"

[dinade]

Oh my first son did this. It was such a sweet phase. I'd just say to him oh I'm sorry but Imarried your daddy! You'll have to find a nice lady to marry. My second son has no feelings for me at all and will be marrying Chloe when he sees her again this Fall. I love children and the things they do and say.

[Jennifer3141]

That's funny because my DD just yelled at me that I can't marry her.

"You will not marry me, Mama! No!"

Oh. Alrighty then.

[gen25gen]

How precious! My four year old boy is going through a bit of an Oedipus complex too. He wants to grow up and be a mommy. I told him he couldn't so he asked if he could take a wife and have babies someday..I explained yes he could....he then told me he was going to marry his best friend (a little girl) from playgroup and her mom...why the mom? Because they'd need someone to take care of them, ha ha... I love four...its a crazy-exhausting age...but too cute.

gen
www.genstyleliving.com

[Gabbi]

I think marry = love. Even to our children (hopefully).

My DS wants to marry each family member at least twice a week.
And he goes on and on and on asking about when his father and I became married to each other. It's sweet I think.


And I will add DS is a "breast man" he talks about my breasts constantly, "remember that is where I got my food?" Yep I remember. "Was that milk white or chocolate?"

[transformed]

Originally Posted by Gabbi

"Was that milk white or chocolate?"

You know what I love the most about 4? They arent even joking! He probably REALLY didnt know if it was chocolate or white milk!

[Gabbi]

Originally Posted by transformed

You know what I love the most about 4? They arent even joking! He probably REALLY didnt know if it was chocolate or white milk!

I still have visions of shirts with the wording across the front "white or chocolate?"

I even had the statement as my signature for a while..and he asked it so seriously.