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I expect my son to cook for himself sometimes & *gasp* make his own lunch!!!!!! - Page 3

post #41 of 51
I know several moms IRL who do absolutely everything for their kids, and they look down on me for not doing the same for DD. Today, for example, I was tired, so she made us lunch by nuking leftovers! And as soon as she's tall enough to reach the bottom of the washer to unload it, she will be doing her own laundry. She has already asked to do it, but I know how she wants to go about it, and I don't want to have to fish her out when she falls in!

My XH never did his own laundry. Seriously, he was taking his laundry over to his mom's house until we got married (he was 28). Ostensibly, it was bcs he had a coin-op laundry room in his bldg, and could do it at his parents' for free, but come on! It was a 35 minute drive, and she always just took it and did it for him while he sat and watched sports with his dad, anyway.
post #42 of 51
My boys are capable of doing many things. they do cook, and their own laundry.
I guess I'm a really bad mom for my 4 yr old making his own sandwich... but he wants to! It's nice though, if I'm busy he'll just go help himself.
Donna
post #43 of 51
This is really important! I'm glad most everyone here agrees! When I got married, my DH had never shopped for his own clothes, or done his own laundry. The only thing he knew how to cook was mac and cheese. He had never really done any housework, like cleaning a bathroom, ect. His mom thought that boys didn't need to know that stuff! When her 2 older sons moved out, she still had a dd at home. The boys always did yardwork, but after thier dad died, and the boys were gone, she actually called to see if someone would mow her lawn! : DH told her to have his sister do it-she was 12. MIL says, "I don't think she can" DH started mowing on the riding mower at age 6.

That said, he can rebuild an engine with his eyes closed, and I've never, ever had to call a repairman! I just wish he had had a more balanced education about how to care for himself. We expect girls and boys to be able to cook, clean, shop for themselves, and fix their own cars
post #44 of 51
This may be neither here nor there, but reading this thread reminded me of a time I was watching Oprah and folding my laundry, and Maria Shriver and her mother Eunice were the guests. (I'm sure everyone already knows that Maria's mother is a Kennedy sibling, not sure where in line-up but younger than JFK would be and older than Ted). Anyway, they both grew up wealthy.

One of Maria's teen daughters was also in the audience, and Oprah said to her, "I hear that you have to do your own laundry and clean your own room". This in a circle where housekeepers etc do all the work. She said, "Yeah, our Dad makes us. We all have to clean our own rooms and do our own laundry, even our little brother". Maria goes on to say the Ahnold is very insistent and strict about all that. He wanted his kids to knowing how to take care of themselves, no matter. But then she laughs and basically says "The kids had to teach *me* to do laundry and work the machines-- I never did my own laundry growing up". So then Eunice laughs and says something along the lines of "I couldn't teach her, I never did my own laundry, either".

So, thanks to a *republican* Ahnold's 4 kids have broken the generational cycle of housekeeper dependancy.
post #45 of 51
I have been cooking since I could read, understand units of time and volume, and follow directions. This was not something I was forced to do, I did it because I enjoyed it. I did wish my mom had taught me more about cleaning and doing laundry because when I moved out, I had no idea what to do. I was shocked at how quickly things get dirty. I had no idea. It was actually kind of embarrassing. My mom was one of these people who would rather do things herself because then it gets done the way she wants it done. I struggle with this myself. My 5 year old loves to help with the laundry, and I have to remind myself, that although her "help" might not seem that helpful right now (I have to lift her up so she put the quarters in), it's not about that right now. I think Mom cared about me plenty, but she was stressed and overwhelmed dealing with an alcoholic mentally ill husband. I don't judge her for it at all, but I definitely want to do things differently with mine.
post #46 of 51
I think it's important to teach your kids how to take care of themselve and their families. I agree. My almost 9 yr old makes his lunch -or at least the sandwich part of it- everyday.

HOWEVER!

My mother made me do MOST of the housework. I don't think that's right either. My kids need to keep their stuff picked up like I do too, and help with the household chores because they are part of the household.

The sentiment expressed here of "Well I watched my two younger siblings by myself when I was 9, and was cooking 4 course meals for the whole family every night", I don't think is healthy either.
post #47 of 51
My mother made every meal, made our lunches and did my laundry until i was living on my own after law school.

And guess what? I figured out how to do all of these things. My brother does them in his house too, so it wasn't just a "girls should do these things."

I do them for my kids and will as long as they live in my house. I simply like doing these thing for them. They know that one day they will do them for themselves and their kids.
post #48 of 51
Thread Starter 
Mtiger~ I’m already disappointed with myself for the way I responded to your original comment so now by you calling me “darlin” the way you did that definitely ended any chance of reasonable dialogue between us in this thread.



Lunches are done the night before to keep things easier in the morning.
OK so maybe I exaggerated with the “NEVER” word (I should’ve remembered the good old saying “never say never…”) because I occasionally do make his lunch and yes I have even splurged and given him some money to buy something from the cafeteria on occasion (very rare for this though) but honestly I really do expect him to make his own lunches for school.
post #49 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by StrugglingMomX's2 View Post
Mtiger~ I’m already disappointed with myself for the way I responded to your original comment so now by you calling me “darlin” the way you did that definitely ended any chance of reasonable dialogue between us in this thread.
And I found it offensive that you assumed that you are the only single parent in the thread with this hard, hard struggle. I'm sorry for offending you. I just don't see it as all that difficult. It makes sense to teach our kids how to take care of themselves - and at the same time, to be productive members of society - be that part of a family or out in the larger world. I neither expect my kids to do everything for themselves, nor do I cater to their every whim. We each contribute what we can at the given time. I did more when they were younger; they pitch in more now that they're not.

I in no way think it's wrong to expect a teen (or even younger) to prepare a meal for themselves. But I also don't think it's particularly special.
post #50 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by StrugglingMomX's2 View Post
Is that sooooo wrong?

I have had many looks when I've said that I WILL NOT make my TEENAGER lunchs for school and occassionally and I mean occassionally expect him to fend for himself for supper.
My 9 & 10 yo have made their own lunches for school for the last two years. With the way they have ups and downs in their growth spurts and appetite, I can't imagine doing it any other way. Sometimes my son eats enough for three kids, and sometimes I swear he grows by photosynthesis!
post #51 of 51
DS1 has been packing his own lunch for several years now. I'd do it occasionally, except that he chooses to leave for school very early, and I'm almost always still in bed when he leaves.

We started him on cooking meals once a week about a year and a half ago, but we stopped it when he started high school, and never quite got back on track. I intend to get him back to it, so he'll have some solid experience in the kitchen when he moves out. He's also responsible for bathroom cleaning, living room pick-up and vacuuming and washing his and his sibling's bedding during summer vacation (extra chores for an allowance bonus). He does all his own personal laundry (although I'll move it to the dryer if he's out and I need to do laundry).

I have him do things, partly to help out, but mostly so he won't be as helpless as a lot of people I meet when he moves out. I hate seeing someone in their 20s who only knows how to cook using a microwave...
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