Does the worrying ever stop?

[splotchy1]

Before I had kids, I used to think that once they were born, you'd
know if they were healthy or not and go from there. I really hadn't
considered the myriad of health concerns that are possible as kids go
through the first few years.
With DS (4), I was terrified of autism since I had nannied a boy with
pervasive autism. All was looking fine, then a minor speech delay
with no other problems, then at 2 1/2- the regression and now he has
Aspergers.
With DD (15 mo), I thought my chances are better since fewer girls
have autism than boys. Haven't had any specific concerns except that
she has been off the charts in weight and slower to do major physical
milestones. Today- she had her 15 month checkup, and her head
circumference percentage has spiked by 25%. They checked and
rechecked, and compared to previous measurements- thinking maybe the
last one might have been wrong, but that doesn't seem to be the case.
While it probably means nothing, there have been studies done that
show a high correlation to early rapid brain development and autism.
So, of course, my head immediately goes there. DS was doing all the
typical things and responding socially like DD is at this
age...so that doesn't give me any peace of mind that she hasn't had
any major delays yet.

It's probably NOTHING! So, why can't I stop worrying? Life feels full
at the moment- I can't imagine the future if DD were to go
down the same road as DS.

[LynnS6]

It's hard. It's doubly hard with a child on the spectrum. But remember, it could be a growth spurt.

Don't worry about the future right now - deal with what you've got - which is a child with Asperger's and 15 month old - that's enough to exhaust anyone. You will cope if dd has Asperger's and you'll cope if she doesn't.

[RedOakMomma]

I think the periods of worry are especially difficult when you're going over the time when your experience with your SN child was traumatic. Now perhaps at 15 months your time with DS wasn't traumatic, but back then nothing "wrong" was on your radar. I'm guessing you're wistful for what he was like at 15 months, and wishing that everything could have stayed normal (and who wouldn't? ). So now that your dd is 15 months, you're feeling anxious because you want to hold on to "everything being normal." She's getting closer to the time, 2 1/2, when you saw skills start to slip away with your son, and that's scary.

I think you'll feel a lot better once she's 2.5 and everything's still fine. But on some level, with an SN child, I think we parents are always more emotionally raw about "what ifs" and what can go wrong. I don't think you'll ever be able to worry like a parent of non-SN kids would....and maybe that's not entirely a bad thing, because it keeps you more emotionally aware of what a blessing "normal" can be.

I'm right there with you, though. With ds3, his whole first year I was afraid of seizures (ds1 and ds2 are twins with a seizure disorder). Still, even though he's 18 months and totally healthy, when my dh says "is Noah okay?" in a certain tone, my heart races and I scan for a seizure. I can't help it. I'm hoping, as time goes by, that I get less hyper-vigilant. I think it's happening slowly.

[sbgrace]

You lose innocence or something as a special needs parent.
I look at friends and I sort of long for the naive way they can just enjoy their kids. I enjoy my boys--but I know that nothing is ever for sure and it does color it all. Of course a child's health, development, etc. isn't "for sure" for any parent at any point. We're just more aware of that.

I'm sorry. I wish I had advice. I do understand. I can't parent Caleb in that carefree way either even though so far it looks like Andrew got all the yuck stuff. But on the flip side I know without a doubt I experience more joy in the everyday typical stuff than my friends do. I take nothing for granted. So it is beautiful in a way too from this perspective.

[Jennifer Z]

"Loss of innocence" is a good way to describe it. I was blissfully unaware with my first at this age, but I can't shake the worry with my second. It isn't just autism either. Since I have been a part of the SN community I am aware of just how much can go wrong and I can't unlearn that.

Also on the flip side, I celebrate things my kids are able to do that wouldn't even hit the radar with most parents.