How do I help dd go to public school?

[Satori]

We both hate HS'ing and were going on our 3rd year of it. She desperately wants to go to public school and I'm willing to try it but the question is HOW?! She would miss an average of 8 school days a month but only 1-2 days would be becasue of her own dr appts. The rest are for the baby and there all out of town and dd has to go with me. There's no one that can or will babysit her while I'm gone over night for the baby's Dr appts. I mean this month were down there 13 days, last month was 7 days, month before that was 10, thats a lot of days! (Its been this way for a YEAR) I don't want a truancy officer showing up but we obviously have some very special needs and were both miserable HS'ing (We've never really liked it to be honest). Has anyone been able to work out something with the school about missing that much due to a sibs health issues?

[DaughterOfKali]

I only have one child but dc missed many days of preschool last year. Every single illness that was at the school, dc would catch it. Sadly, I think dc has my poor immune system. It really is difficult having to make the school understand about absences. The school I had my dc in just didn't get it. The preschool coordinator would go out of her way to try to make me seem like a bad parent for keeping my child out of school. They didn't care what the reason was.

I'm moving to a different town so I hope the new school is better. Just be up front with them and even write it down and have them put it in your daughters file. That way, you have it on record.

[doulajewla]

I dont know if this is something you would want to do, but you can either hire someone to come teach her or have a friend or relative homeschool her. It sounds like you dont have a support system(i could be mistaken, I just came to this conclusion because you said you have no one to watch your children....sorry if im wrong: ) and that might not be a good thing. What stresses you about homeschooling? what makes her upset about it as well? I was stressed out about it 3 years ago too, and i learned because i put too many restrictions on us. I expected a school like atmosphere when clearly homeschooling is not about that. Its about tailoring it to your children's needs. Have you thought of unschooling? That is where we are for now....going with the flow of things, reading taking trips, some math.....etc. im not making them sit and do worksheets 3 hours a day. we learn by doing and seeing and feeling. My son with Asperger's needs this type of learning, he learns best when in small groups. Maybe there is a group near you that homeschools? we are in touch with other parents and do some co schooling at times. Maybe you can search in towns nearby for homeschooling families....that is, if you choose to continue. As with public school, unfortunately they have the right to fail a child for excessive absences...though im not sure what state you are in so I dont know the full legalities. You could get a doctor to write a letter...and maybe have a tutor come after school, there are older teenagers who might be willing to help for that extra time. I wish you well and I hope you find a path that is right for your family

[Satori]

Originally Posted by doulajewla

I dont know if this is something you would want to do, but you can either hire someone to come teach her or have a friend or relative homeschool her. It sounds like you dont have a support system(i could be mistaken, I just came to this conclusion because you said you have no one to watch your children....sorry if im wrong: ) and that might not be a good thing. What stresses you about homeschooling? what makes her upset about it as well? I was stressed out about it 3 years ago too, and i learned because i put too many restrictions on us. I expected a school like atmosphere when clearly homeschooling is not about that. Its about tailoring it to your children's needs. Have you thought of unschooling? That is where we are for now....going with the flow of things, reading taking trips, some math.....etc. im not making them sit and do worksheets 3 hours a day. we learn by doing and seeing and feeling. My son with Asperger's needs this type of learning, he learns best when in small groups. Maybe there is a group near you that homeschools? we are in touch with other parents and do some co schooling at times. Maybe you can search in towns nearby for homeschooling families....that is, if you choose to continue. As with public school, unfortunately they have the right to fail a child for excessive absences...though im not sure what state you are in so I dont know the full legalities. You could get a doctor to write a letter...and maybe have a tutor come after school, there are older teenagers who might be willing to help for that extra time. I wish you well and I hope you find a path that is right for your family

I know this is going to come across as snarky and I don't mean it to be but I found my self writing a long response and I felt like I had to defend myself as to why I have chosen to put dd in school. I shouldn't have to defend myself, HS'ing is not working for us and honestly after 2 full years of HS'ing and trying various styles from unschooling to classical its just not working for us. I just don't have time. I am a single mom with 2 special needs kids, I have no support system, no money to pay for things like tutoring or lessons and no time to barter for services. I have agreed to let dd try public school and I need help on figuring out how to make it work for our family with our special needs.

As an update, my mother has agreed to watch dd the nights I need to be out of town with the baby so we may have solved the problem

[williamsmommy2002]

I'm glad you have found a solution. I really don't see the need to defend your schooling preferences. I'm sure if you have put this much thought and effort into both of you will be better off with her in public school.

[Terabith]

I think the issue is not the question of IS public school the right thing to do for her, but more a matter of "how can I make public school work when I have to go out of town overnight several times a month?"

I'm not sure about your work situation, but would it be at all possible for you to move to the town with the children's hospital so you aren't travelling so far so often?

I imagine she would qualify for an IEP as "other health impaired" and one of the big things in that could be not to penalize her for absences?

Good luck! This really sounds like the best thing for both of you. You guys have had a hard time of it.

Have you considered looking into a different psychologist/ counselor who might be better equipped to deal with her depression, as opposed to the ADD med happy one?

[guardandolaluna]

You are off to a good start! You have realized what you want and what does not work for you It is so much better for you to see that than to try something that frustrates you! I have a DD that just started public from a private school halfway through the school year last year. I don't know your DD, but with mine, the most important thing was feeling comfy with the teacher and with new friends. Once we had that.. we were home free! Are there any kids that you know in your neighborhood that go there. Maybe you can set up a playdate. Schedule an appt with the principal and ask for placement with a compassionate teacher. Explain the health issues with the other child and let him/her know you are telling them so they can select an appropriate compassionate teacher for your child. A good teacher is very important. We left private because my daughter had a bad one. The principal at the new school was wonderful. She matched her with a great teacher who was very kind to my DD. She came home loving her school! I would not get into much with the teacher.. just let the principal take care of it initially.. wait until the parent teacher conference to see how things are going. As far as missing school... that can be hard. Our Dr is about 1/2 hr away. I try to schedule appts 45 min after I drop my DD#1 at school (8:45am) so we can go from school to the appt. DD is out of school by 2:15 so was always make it home by then. Also, some schools have after school childcare. Maybe you can schedule that on the day you go if it takes longer. It will give her an opportunity to make new friends. With girls friends are VERY important in helping them get acclamated. It can make or break them. Girls can be a pain to other girls.. that whole today I am your BF and tomorrow I am not your friend thing! It is all a learning process! Hope all goes well for you.. this will be good for her. I think it will give you a little break too. I was looking at your blog.. you have a lot on your shoulders. Gotta take care of yourself!