I have gotten alot of emails asking what happened. Well I am now at a place where I can put it into words. On the morning of July 27th my kids came in my room to wake me up as they always did every morning. It was around 10ish. I had been up all night doing housework and homework so when I feed Naomi at 4 am I laid her in bed with me. When my oldest son came around to the side of the bed where Naomi was sleeping to kiss her good morning as he always did he starts screaming "mom she's purple and blue, Mom she's dead". I tell him to call 911 and start CPR the best I could in my state of panic. My son talked to the 911 operator but didn't know the adress. So I took the phone from him and told them my adress and begged her to make them hurry and continued CPR. It seemed like hours before they got there. From there it is a blur but I rememember them carring her down the stairs to the ambulance. I found out later it was my cousins husband who was the firefighter who carried her to the ambulance. I remember trying to call someone to come watch the boys but couldn't remember any phone numbers. I have no clue how they got my aunt over there but she came and got my boys. I remember kneeling on my porch screaming for someone to fix my daughter and asking all the police ems and firefighters if she had a pulse or anything. Just screaming and crying and completely helpless. Finally they got me a little calm and a police officer drove me to the hospital. When I arrived they took me in to a conference room. I knew at that point it was not good. It seemed like years but finally someone (I think it was the chaplin) came and got me and told me they would take me back. I walked into the ER room where they were working on here and looked up at the heart monitor and it was completely flat linned. I screamed and fell to my knees. I knew at that point she was gone and there was nothing anyone could do. The doctor turned to me and said "I am sorry sweetie she is gone and there is nothing we can do". They pronounced her dead. I was totally alone on the floor of the ER screaming crying and helpless. I totally lost it. At some point my mother and her boss (my former boss arrived). Then many more family members arrived. It is all still such a blur. At one point they asked me if I would like to hold her one last time. They wrapped her up in blankets and she still had the breathing tube in her mouth. I sat there holding my princess rocking her and crying. I just wanted it all to be a big nightmare. That I would wake up and it would all be not real.
I had waited so long for a daughter and had so many plans for her. She will never crawl, cut her first tooth, walk, say I love you or mama, have her first day of kindergarden, have her first crush. She will never have a prom, get married and have kids. She will never get the chance to do what all mothers want for thier kids. I loved my little diva so much. At times I wish god would let me take her place. We never get to understand the whys of these things. I am just trying to keep faith in the lord that thier was a plan for her and that I may not understand or like it but it was just her plan.
Daily I go through a range of emotions. Sadness, anger, depression and hopelessness. I fear that I will hurt this way forever and I will remain a bitter angry and sad person forever.
Anyway I will talk more about this later but for now I can barely see through the tears. Sudden Infant Death Symdrome took my daughter from me and I pray everyday that no other person will have to go through this pain ever again. Please everyone keep me in your prayers. Pray that like in the footprints poem that the lord will carry me through the times that I can't carry myself.