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My sister says I stole her Light!

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
My younger sister is 2 months ahead of me...She is saying I stole this pregnancy from her since it is her first. She thinks I purposely planned it I never even knew she was trying she told me she was on the pill..... She is so mad at me that she even said this to me after a truly horrible email "P.S. all the circumcision shit that you made sound so terrible is all a loud of crap hooray for circumcision!!" : because she knows that it would make me angry! :

At this I don't think we will be talking anymore
post #2 of 17
not in this DDC but I just wanted to offer a
I remember my SIL said something similar supposedly in jest but I felt it was meant to zing.don't pay any attention and enjoy your blessing mama
post #3 of 17
are you and your sister normally close? i can't imagine my sister saying something like that to me, but she is my older sister and has always made sacrifices for me and looked after me. she was normally jealous, but never says anything to me. i hope that your sister is just experiencing raging pregnancy hormones. i would think this would be the perfect time for the two of you to bond and share this eperience together at the same time. i obviously don't know your sister or how your relationship works, but i hope that her email and comments don't ruin this special time. i'm sorry you have this added stress. i she always a drama queen?
post #4 of 17
If this kind of thing hasn't really happened before, I would be really patient and hang in there (in the background). It's REALLY hurtful, but sometimes pregnancy hormones can get SO out of whack you don't realize what you're doing to people you love. When everything blows over, you can tell her how hurt you are.

Has she always felt she's lived in your shadow? Are you normally close? Hopefully you two can overcome this. I've always desperately wanted a sister, and yet I see this kind of thing happen with others I know and it's hard for me to understand how sisters can be that way to each other.

post #5 of 17
I'm really sorry. Please remember how much our hormones do to us now! I am sure her's are pumping at full steam, and while that does not make what she is doing right, maybe it will help to try to understand. I really *did* steal the limelight from my brother and SIL. They were waiting until Saturday, their anniversary to tell they were PG, and I told on Tuesday (I had NO idea! I thought they would wait until later this summer to try, it was their first anniversary). THen SIL's Dr told her it might be twins, to expect twins, but didn't give her an US (still doesn't have one!) to confirm, so they are hoping for twins, talking about twins, ect... and guess what! I AM PG WITH TWINS! I had not said much besides telling my mom I thought I was b/c I hated to "copy" her, but I had told DH and my best friend I was sure it was twins before the US. WHen I went back to mom's to get Lacy and take her to the US to check for twins she didn't think I was serious. I just said quietly that I was pretty sure it was twins and had been thinking so for a long time. I know my SIL HAS to have some negative feelings towards all of this, I certainly didn't plan it, but I think she is justified to feel this way. I really wanted her to have the spotlight for a while durring her pregnancy, and I cannot wait to hear what they are having! SHe is supposed to have an US this week, and is still thinking twins. If it is, my mom is going to flip! SHe just keeps saying "I'm either having 3 or 4 new grandbabies this year!!!" SHe is getting a list of "Grandma's" baby stuff that she will need at her house now that there are so many babies, I honestly think she may buy a crib, but she definately wants a pack-n-play and a bouncer or two. If it is two sets of twins, I definately want her to have a "Grandma Shower" with her friends!

Oh, and my SIL is 5 weeks ahead of me! My sister also got PG that month (we musta ALL been busy!) but miscarried, so that kinda adds an odd angle in there, too. She says she is fine, but the babies aren't here yet, KWIM?
post #6 of 17
Thread Starter 
She is the poor me type...the baby and the spoiled one...I was the middle child and ignored...but I basically took my sister in when she moved out at 15 and did all the mothering...Then once she was out on her own she couldn't have cared less about me and my family.

Her current boyfriend is very anti-social so they never come to visit..If I ask her if she wants to come somewhere with me she is always busy if I need her to watch my kids she always has an excuse not to or she doesn't call me back or never shows up....

Right now she is mad because she had to sit home alone all weekend, and I don't call her everyday to check on her : She says we hate her boyfriend (which none of us do it is just her assumption) and that none of us are excited about her being pregnant. Even though I just told her last week that I had a whole bunch of new books she could borrow and to come and hang out and I would get her set up online with some cool baby sites...

So I am just confused and hurt and not really knowing what to do but in her last email she said for me to enjoy my own $%^&ing life and leave her alone!:
post #7 of 17
That's really too bad she's feeling that way. Maybe if you just give her some space she'll get over it?
It sounds like she's being a bit immature (and moody!) and you don't need that added stress right now
post #8 of 17
Could be a competition thing, too. Some sibblings are feircely competitive. Mine is. The trick is to try not to compare.

post #9 of 17
In my life (not a healthy family of orgin) I've often run into people making outrageous accusations. I've learned they are far more a function of (and reveal more about) the accuser than they are and reveal about the accused. For example: My mother criticizes me because she's a critical person, not because I'm deficient. I don't have a meaningful relationship with my sister because she a self-absorbed user, not because I'm unworthy of love. It might sound like I'm looking to blame others for my circumstances but I'm not. I've sought out and built healthy relationships outside my family because they aren't available within my family. For me it's a healthy recognition of people's capabilities where they are at the time; it's giving them the space to be themselves without getting mad at them for not being what I need.

About your sister...
What poverty of spirit to be so needy that one attacks a baby for stealing one's limelight. That circumcision postscript shows so much about where your sister is. I'm glad for your children you're not in that place. How sad to have so much anger and jealousy that she'll demand elective cosmetic surgery on a newborn as a way of hurting an adult. She's so twisted up in her own issues she can't care for and love her baby directly... it's just a tool for her to get attention and retaliate against those who might (in her twisted view) diminish her value by their presence. That is just sad. Not that you should suggest it to her but, do you think she might ever see a counselor? She has some serious issues.

Kelly, do you have healthy relationships with friends and others in your life or have ideas about where you can go to establish some? While I can't have healthy meaningful relationships with my family (they're not capable), I had to distance myself so I could learn to establish healthy boundaries. That along with my nurturing healthy relationships with respectful people who share my values has gone a long way to helping me find balance and goodness in life.

post #10 of 17
Well that stinks! I was trying for this baby for two years and two of my closest co-workers ended up pregnant a month before me . . . and I'm not mad at them . . . your sister is being very unreasonable! I can't imagine having to deal with something like this from a sister, but if she said to leave her alone, that's what I'd do. You could express your sadness that she is leaving this relationship like this, but let her know that whenever she wants to resume the relationship, you are there for her. And then like the PP said, find good, healthy relationships- people who will celebrate with you and not infest your life with jealousy!
post #11 of 17
I have a very hard time understanding your sister's thinking. Whenever I see or meet a pregnant woman, I feel bonded to her, and I want to support her on her journey. My brother and SIL are currently TTC, and I would be so happy if it happened that my SIL and I were pregnant together. I love being pregnant with other pregnant women around, it is someone who really understands what you are going through. Someone to share your journey and experiences with.

I have to agree with the other posts and say cultivate the healthy relationships in your lifes, surround yourself with women (and men) who support you and are not afraid to show their love for you. Maybe it might be wise to step away from your sister for a while...you need to surround yourself with positive attitudes (especially during pregnancy!)

Whew, if your sister thinks you stole her thunder, just wait until the baby arrives. The baby will definetly steal her thunder (if she is still in that mindset).
post #12 of 17
zahira - Might I venture a guess that your sister is pretty young?? Immature... selfish... the adjectives keep coming! If I were in your shoes, I would probably leave her alone for awhile. You don't need that kind of stress!

Most sane people would at least enjoy the fact that their babies would be close in age!

Sorry Mama!
post #13 of 17
Thread Starter 
She is 20 and yes she does have a lot of learning to do...Not that I know everything...Not even close... but I was a lot more mature when I was her age.I had to grow up fast as a kid because my mom is an alcoholic and I had to be the parent to her and my sister.

It is sad and I told her I wasn't mad or angry at her that I was just sad because I love her and she is my sister.

I am just going to leave her alone for awhile and hope that she realizes that she truly does need me in her life.
post #14 of 17
The DAY I told my SIL we were expecting (after 9 months of trying) she tested and confirmed that they too were expecting (not trying AT ALL) and she was due the same day as I am. It took a lot for me to be happy at first, but I WAS!! Unfortunately, hers ended in m/c a month ago and I was devistated!!! Your sister is being childish, and I know you can get through it b/c you are STRONG!! If I can be happy about that, she can certainly be happy too!!
post #15 of 17
We've been kind of lucky in our family: there seems to be a baby every 6-9 months, so while a couple of times more than one of us has been pregnant at the same time, we're not exactly stepping on each other's toes, kwim? However, I can easily imagine at least a temporary issue if a certain two of my sisters were pregnant at the same time, especially if it were the first time for one of them. I do think it's somewhat natural to feel that way, and, well, for me at least, pregnancy hormones = everyone knows everything I feel.
But I'd expect it to get better as she goes deeper into her second trimester.
post #16 of 17
Wow, I am worried how to SIL will react to my pregnancy. We NEVER talk, she hates me and is very jealous of me, which I can't understand..

She is due on November 27th and I'm due on December 24th. She is coming in TWELVE DAYS to stay here until after her baby is born.. I haven't seen her since December last year, after she got married and moved to another country.

She is the pet of my husband's family, she is definitely the favored child, and I'm the lowly daughter in law. She hates me because I'm WHITE, (my husband and his family are Indian) and she says my husband only married me because of my skin color. Okie..

Anyway, she has to be the center of attention AT ALL TIMES. She currently talked to MIL and whoever else will talk to her on voice chat, for hours and hours every single day.

I don't know if she knows I'm pregnant.. she never asks about me and my MIL is strange and never mentions "private" things to anyone..

Yeah, I'm stuck here until after my baby is born, too. No chance of returning to the US until March.

So, I'm going to be stuck in a house with her and her meanness. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I'm sure she thinks I got pregnant right after her just to steal her limelight!

Can you imagine? I'm going to be stuck in the same house with her. Two pregnant women in a feud (I dunno why she hates me, seriously, but I hate her too now.. ) and then two LITTLE BABIES?
post #17 of 17
Thread Starter 
Oh that sounds horrible!! If I had to be stuck in the same house as my sister I would run away I guess you will just have to set up some kind of private space of your own where she can't get to you!!
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