How do you tell people about your good labor?

[newmommaamy]

Is anyone else having an issue with telling people about your positive labor experience? It seems like we are well set up to talk to other about how hard and difficult labor was. And it was- but I had a really positive experience and I don't know how to talk about it. For instance, one of my best friends has very short very intense labors and wants/needs/gets an epidural as soon as labor starts, another has had two difficult long labors one ending in a c-section and the other in a tramatic vacuum extraction. Both of these women are close to me and we have talked about our experiences. I want to shout out that I feel great and powerful, that I am so thankful for the excellent preperation we had to get ready for a natural birth. But, when I try to I either feel like I am bragging or get responses about how lucky I am to have had an easy birth- which makes me want to scream I was on a pit drip and had 9+ lber it wasn't easy. but good preperation, an wonderful DH, a excellent LD nurse, a supportive hospital, luck, and huge wide birthing hips made it possible. I just don't know how to talk about the experience with out either diminishing what I did and being respectful of difficulties and complictaions other people have to deal with. Anyone else having this problem?

[jee'smom]

wow... what an excellent question!!! i'm coming back to this. (my first two were also good experiences, for the most part.)

[bdavis337]

I wouldn't say it's a problem per se, but I do recognize that my perception of what labor/delivery/childbirth is about does differ significantly from that of other women.

I usually keep my birth story short and sweet when talking with women who are so differently-minded. I say something like "well, I had a 5 1/2 hour labor, and it was really intense. I opted out of pain relief, b/c I had such a negative experience with pain meds with my oldest child, and it really does make the immediate post partum recovery so much easier for me. Thankfully my favorite ob was in town, and she was really encouraging to me during transition (which was insanely difficult this time) and then the 5 minutes of pushing." This really is what I've been telling people this time around, to avoid having to get into a big discussion about how crazy I am for refusing pain meds.

I just state my reasons for my choices, and leave it at that. I also don't deny that childbirth is HARD, because it IS HARD. For me, it's not easy to manage that kind of intensity and pain, regardless of how long it lasts. I just know that in the end, my experiences have been largely positive. There's no need to apologize or minimize our experiences for the sake of other women - I believe that every time we "dumb down" our birth experience we disrespect our own bodies and our own abilities.

[IamPink]

Originally Posted by bdavis337

I wouldn't say it's a problem per se, but I do recognize that my perception of what labor/delivery/childbirth is about does differ significantly from that of other women.

I believe that every time we "dumb down" our birth experience we disrespect our own bodies and our own abilities.

That first part is SO true!!

Not to mention that when we don't talk up our positive stories, people do believe that we had it easy.... or that we were lucky if we had a homebirth that was successful... or the whole thank God my OB was there attitude-- -they really believe that this stuff is abnormal instead of a nice, peaceful delivery w/o interventions is really the normal way to birth. (of course I also believe that there are many variations of normal)

I am pretty much the first woman in my county that was upfront and honest with everyone (health dept, OB that I dropped, hosp lab & registration people, and every single person I came in contact with) that I was having a planned homebirth!! I just knew that if something weird happened and I would have to transport that I would hear I told you so from everyone. This was one of the most important reasons for me to have a homebirth so that I could prove that it could be done and that it was safer than going to a hosp (especially the one in my county!!).
You can bet your ass that I put a huge birth announcement in the newspaper that I delivered him myself @ a planned hb! And my girlfriend that works at the paper is doing an article about the safety of it. This is how we get the word out that our current maternity system is broken.
There won't be change if we don't demand it!
(mind you I am always respectful of women that choose mainstream things and I try to be a good listener b/c some people do not want to accept anything out of their comfort zone- and that's okay too... informed decisions is what I'm all about!!)

[Lissybug]

Hmmm- interesting and good question. Now I'm gonna be thinking about this next time I'm talking about labor. I think Bethany has a good point about not dumbing down birth. I haven't had a problem with talking about my labors, which on the whole I'd say were positive experiences, but this is getting me thinking more about how I tell these stories......hmmm.

[mollybird77]

I really struggle with this too. It irritates me when people assume that labor and birth aren't as hard for me because I was able to do it naturally...like their labor MUST have been more painful because they needed pain meds. What I usually tell people when they say "Gosh, you're nuts!" or "Wasn't it so painful?" or "Wow, birth just must be easy for you." is this: Labor is no more/less hard for me than it is for any other woman....I just trained for it is all. It's basically like running a marathon. If you go into it unprepared, you will most likely become scared, overwhelmed, and fatigued, and you won't be able to finish. If you prepare for it though, it doesn't make it less HARD, but you are mentally and physically ready for the journey.

I usually don't offer the details about my pain-med choices unless someone asks. With men, I find that they are usually in awe and think I'm superwoman. WIth woman though, especially ones who've had medicated epidural births, I find that they can get defensive..."Well, MY labor was 12 days long and I pushed for 24 hours, so there's no WAY I could have done that naturally" And you know what? I really don't CARE if they had an epidural. I love talking about my birth exerience because it was such a wonderful, beautiful time, but I realize that not everyone is receptive to listening to it without thinking that I'm implying that they must be wimpy, kwim?

[Juvysen]

I've been having this problem too... I pushed for 7 minutes... and by "pushed" I mean my body ejected the baby against my will... I think I pushed twice or three times and he was not even to 0 station when the "pushing" started. It was excruciating. W/dd I pushed for 2 hours and it didn't hurt until her head was out but her body was still in, and then, obviously, it was VERY short lived pain because her body came out immediately.

Everyone hears "pushed for 7 minutes" and are like "that's awesome, can only hope for that" but honestly, I'd prefer to have pushed a bit longer and avoided the 7 minutes of hell. Somehow trying to explain the mechanics of pushing for longer numbing things up down there, vs. pushing for a short amount of time, um, not numbing anything, doesn't get through. I seriously thought my bottom was just going to be rags of skin and that I'd need hundreds of stitches... but I actually didn't even tear at all!