Last minute labor worries

[birdiefu]

Well, I'm pretty sure I won't be going before my due date, but I'm starting to get really worried about the whole logistics of support during L&D. We don't have anyone to watch DS while I'm in labor (overseas, no family, any reasonably good friends have left) other than DH. DS is 3 years old and while I don't have problems with him watching the actual birth, I'm worried that DH will have to spend so much time occupying him that he won't really be able to support me. Not to mention that DH *really* knows nothing about birth since he won't read anything : - I know he will try his best, but still : . That and when I mentioned a doula before he said he didn't want to pay a stranger to be at our birth.

I'm starting to reconsider and insist that since we don't have anyone other than DH to watch DS, I need someone else there for *me*. But again, no friends or family here to help out. And since we are in Germany I don't know how to find anyone on such short-term notice, especially with the language barrier. Should I just go with the flow and hope DS behaves himself most of the time and rely on the midwife for labor support?

But on the positive side, I totally love the hospital I will be going to for the birth . I switched insurance 2 weeks ago (yes at 36 weeks!) so I could go here (German hospital) instead of the horrid military hospital I had DS at. I got the tour today and it's awesome. All the nurses are midwives and one stays with you the whole time. They also can do acupressure, aromatherapy, and homeopathy along with other natural methods of augmenting labor and relieving pain without meds. And I can actually have a waterbirth if I wish (unlike the military hospital where they wouldn't even let me out of bed : )!! They also have cool knotted wraps hanging over the birthing tub and over by a labor stool so you can hang on for dear life . Definitely worth the insurance hassle and last-minute provider switching.

ETA: This would be DH's first birth as he was depolyed when I had DS. I also had no support for DS's birth other than the random nurses that would occasionally walk in to check on me and a friend made it over at the end to videotape the delivery, but I was okay with that. I sorta feel like I either want DH with me 100% or not at all (would rather have a stranger)- is that odd? I don't really want to mention that to him either as I know it would sound so horrible...

[Cujobunny]

Where in Germany are you? Just go to google.com and type in "doula in ___" wherever you are. You might be able to find a support person for yourself at the last minute, it's worth a shot. hope everything goes well.

[QueenOfThePride]

All the nurses are midwives and one stays with you the whole time. They also can do acupressure, aromatherapy, and homeopathy along with other natural methods of augmenting labor and relieving pain without meds.

So the midwives act just like a doula? That sounds like she will be able to support you the way that you need. Try not to stress out; enjoy yourself and relax. Sounds like everything will be fine, IMO.

We are in a similar situation. We want our 3yo to stay with us for labor and birth, and DH will mainly be taking care of him, and our doula will by my primary support person. We're packing a bag just for DS with toys and snacks that he won't get until we go to the hospital. And I'll labor at home as long as I can so DS can do whatever he wants.

Good luck, I think everything will work out for you.

[twilight girl]

That and when I mentioned a doula before he said he didn't want to pay a stranger to be at our birth.

Is the baby coming out of him? If you need support, hire the support YOU need. Your DH is not birthing the baby. If he turns out to be a supportive DH, the doula can entertain your son. If he gets freaked out or is not helpful, he can occupy your son and the doula can see to you.

I hope he will be a little more understanding of what your needs will be in labor, and that the lack of a support system is rough to deal with.

We live overseas also, moved here when DD was 8 months old. We had been living near my family, so I had tons of support and we had our friends, etc. DD and I ended up very lonely for a long time after we got here, and DH had a hard time understanding what we were going through. He had his work and interacted with people all day every day. Women have a much greater capacity for empathy than men, so I´m not surprised that your DH doesn´t "get" why you need support.

When I was in labor with DD, DH quickly realized that he could not keep up with me. So, he decided to call my sister and my parents. My dad mostly milled around trying to figure out what to do with himself, but my mother and sister just sprang into action. There is something very different about having female support in labor. If I were you, I would just stand up and say "I'm hiring the doula." If your DH's argument is about paying strangers to be at the birth, well, what about all the other strangers (doctors and nurses) that you are already paying to be there?

[mamamoo]

I agree, if you wan/need a doula then get one!

But...if the mw is ble to be there with you the entire time, and with all that awesome birth stuff available it sounds like you will be in good hands already. Can you ask teh hospital what kind of brith support ehy offer, they might even have doulas on staff, or availabel, or know of where to find one.

[mom22girls]

I know here in Sweden (and from what I've heard in Germany too) the midwife stays with you and acts like a doula (anything to keep you away from the evil drugs!). I'm in a similar situation, my mom just backed out of coming over (all expenses paid by us) because she didn't want to leave her DOGS.................. I could have really used her help with the girls after the c/s. My DH thinks he can handle everything, but I don't think he's grasping how much work is involved, and how incapacitated I could be.......

[momuveight2B]

I'm kind of in the same boat. No family here and even if they come it will be a long time after the birth.

My husband is one to play it cool too and we have had many arguements about it. Hard to have the level of trust I need when he is one to stand back with hands in his pockets and trust the medical staff. Not to say he isn't a great guy but he would never read a book about birth or labor support, would never do any massage, music or aromatherapy or anything that might not be macho.

We are not having a doula this time because last time I did not have a great experience with the person I hired. There are few in the area and the one I have considered wants $700 upfront.

We have some friends that we are hoping to farm the kids out to for a night or two. If it is longer then dh will have to be home with the kids and me at the hospital with the babe.

Your situation with the hospital actually sounds really good.