Mourning my pregnancy (but happy to have baby)

[Juvysen]

Anyone else really feeling almost like you're mourning because you're not pregnant anymore? I'm soooo happy to have the baby, and honestly I was totally hating the end of my pregnancy, but now I feel kind of weird about it. After my dd was born (a year and a half ago) I felt nothing but relief that I was no longer pregnant, and I was sure I *NEVER* wanted to do it again. after a few months I started craving being pregnant again and by the time dd started crawling, I felt totally ready to have another baby... so we threw caution to the wind and I got pregnant again by the time dd was 9 months old. Now that the baby's been born, and we have 2 kids, we're not sure if we want to have more, or not and if we do, probably not for a few years, at least. It feels weird that I may never be pregnant or have another baby, and for some reason it makes me really sad. Logistically, I'm not sure we really want to have more, though because it may not be what's best for our family. Anyone else been through this feeling of sadness that you may never be pregnant again even though you were *so* sick of being pregnant before your baby was born? Anyone else doing this now?

[mollybird77]

Me me me!!! I get this way with every babe. Even though I'm totally miserable with each pregnancy (this one especially), I still love being pg. I get so weepy thinking that he's not inside me anymore. I think one thing that makes it this way is that I've never made it to my due date...not even close. I've never felt "done" with being pregnant before I've delivered, and I wonder if that has anything to do with it. To me, there's SO much excitement in the final days of pregnancy...so much anticipation wondering about when the big day will happen, what the baby will look like, etc. When that's all over, it makes me sad. I'm not saying that I don't ADORE having a new baby, it's just that they grow so fast, and this special time is so fleeting. ((HUGS)) mama, you're definitely not alone.

[bdavis337]

Ooooh yes, I can really relate to this. I was just thinking about posting along these lines, actually, so I'm glad you started this thread. I do enjoy being pregnant, and I do miss it. This time, b/c I know we're not having more children, I'm even more emotional about it. I feel as if I didn't take enough time to really savor the last month or so and enjoy feeling Jeffrey's mysterious body inside mine. And he arrived so quickly, with so little process to it, that I didn't even get a last photo of myself before he was born.

I also really feel tremendously empowered by the labor and birth process, and I feel a great deal of sadness that I'll never experience that again. When I see myself in the mirror, or even in the shower, I almost don't recognize myself. I find that I want my pre-pregnancy body back N-O-W, and I think that's a reaction to not really identifying with this "transition" person that I see and feel, both physically and mentally. I want, I NEED, to feel like "myself" again, I want to wake up to my old life yet with my new baby in my arms.

As I'm typing this, I realize there is SO MUCH MORE to this than just missing my pregnancy. I'm still afraid of losing the special things I have with the older boys, I'm afraid of not being able to handle all 3 children on my own, worried I won't be the patient, kind, loving mama that I so desperately want to be for my little men. And, as hard as this is to admit, I still have some feelings of resentment towards Jeffrey. He's gorgeous, sweet, perfect, and he completes our family. Yet I find myself wishing he weren't born yet, that I had just one more day to love on Timothy and Mark without Jeffrey in my lap, making it hard for MT to jump up and hug me unrestricted, or for me to jump up and make Timothy what he wants for lunch instead of slapping another granola bar and raisins on his plate and apologizing "just one more time sweetie, and I promise I'll be able to make you a sandwich next time".

There's so much more to this, but Mark is waking up from his nap, and I need to get ready for the rest of the day............

[Emma's_Mommy]

i could have wrote your post.....i also have been very sad and struggling with the fact that i will never again be pregnant and have a human life inside me....hubby keeps saying that we may have a 3rd in 5 or 6 years but i dont want to get his hopes up, and i know he is just saying this to make me feel better

[javamama]

I hear you! I do miss being pregnant. I love feeling that secret early on and love watching my body expand. I too hate this transition where I want my self back. I thought some of this was because I was induced so early with all three of my babies. I never felt done or ready. The last few weeks are always full of worry for me. Now I wonder if I ever would have felt done. This is my last. I am trying to enjoy every minute but it is going by so fast. It is bittersweet.

[springbabes]

Yes, I felt this way after Alice's birth. Since she came early I never got to the point of being entirely fed up with being pregnant. For the first 2-3 weeks I kept thinking, "I could still be pregnant. I would be 39 weeks today (or today's my due date or now it's July and I thought I would have a July baby)." In most ways it was nice to have it all done with, but like many of you, this was my last pregnancy and it was sad that it got over so fast. Oh and it didn't help that Alice has been a difficult baby--there's been a few times I wished I was still pregnant so that I could sleep or take a shower or eat lunch .

[Juvysen]

I think that's my problem, too, this time, although I was 2 days past my due date. Last time I was induced because I was so overdue, and I was completely sick of being pregnant. I was so happy to NOT be pregnant that my postpartum stuff seemed pale in comparison. This time, I was expecting close to two more weeks and having to do the caster oil routine to go into labor. I was seriously in denial (thought it was a false alarm) through most of it. It's funny because a couple weeks before I just felt SO done, but a few days before ds's birth, I just sort of accepted that it'd be a few more weeks... and then it wasn't.

[GiantGi]

Excellent post and it sums up my feelings exactly. There isnt a day that I havent felt like this and wonder if/when those feelings will go away.

[beautiful_mama]

Lurking from due in Sept...

I too have felt this way in reguards to many of my pg's. Of course I personally do not like being pg, never have...with the exception of watching my bump grow and feeling the baby move and of course birth (birth junkie here!! ).

But I have fuond that after each baby, that transition period is what brings you into the next phase of life...or the next phase of another child. For us, we are stopping at this number as well just as many of you. Being that I am still pg right now though, I have really prepped my mind in regards to this being my last time and this LO being my baby forever. That is helping I think...I realize that is no help to you guys Since you all have already had your babies, but I can relate to having that feeling of letting go of being *done* and how hard it is.

[Lissybug]

A couple days ago I had this sad and slightly panicky feeling thinking about the fact that we may never have another baby. I know this is only one phase of life, but those first few days after a new baby are so amazing. I wonder will I ever be able to create anything else worthwhile? And also wonder what else will give me such an increddible feeling as birthing a baby. Logically I know I will have other highs in my life, but as someone else said- this is such a fleeting time. Bittersweet. When I feel myself getting sad that a moment is passing I take it as a cue to become fully present in that moment. To really be there so I don't one day feel like I cheated myself out of this time by being distracted.

[mother culture]

Take time to give yourself or have your partner massage your belly with oil. Massaging the abdomen can help release your greif and help you reconnect to yourself as solitary being again. I always feel that way and then I had the 3 and now after 3 years I am craving a pregnancy journey again. Some of us become mother of many because life is beautiful and it is good to be Womben!