i seem to have internet again , however temporarily. i came here because i have missed being able to talk about this stuff, alot.
i actually got teary when i read posts from some familiar people here. its just good to be here again.
but i am sad. i dated a 22 year old and am 32 for the past 6 mos or so, and he is wonderful but it turns out he is really an alchoholic. like a real one. not just a drinker. so i had to end it. but i am having all these rboundy feelings , and i miss him so much. its probably good that he has been out of town for a month, becaue he is giving me the silent treatment ( after asking that i stay friends with him, after i told him i just couldnt handle thepain of knowing he is drinking , so i wouldnt be able to talk to him any more, and he asked in a recent email that we stay friends so i tried to call him and he is just blatantly blowinbg me off----nice. just wanted the last jab i guess)
but its for the best, obviously. but i am on a little yo-yo of missing certain adult relations and the feeling like i dont trust anyone at all and in no way want to date *nor* have casual relationships.
i went on a short date last night but i didnt like the guy it turns out. we had this really neat interaction a few weeks ago so i thought "well maybe i will persue it just for a buddy to pal around with" because i do like male friendship just as much as female, but for a few reasons he struck me as a narssistic jerk. i like that he is into running , but i really dont need to hear how many trophies he has and all the glorious wins he has achieved , and how much he knows about philosophy, where he drops names he knows i wont know, just to make me look stupid, etc. i walked away from that date last night with a huge relief, relief because it is the first time i had been on a date in a year and i was happy i didn't feel desperate, didn't make excuses for his endless yammering about himself that excluded me from the conversation.
now, as evidenced from that last huge paragraph, i can talk up a storm myself, but this was just really different because all of his yammering was regarding him being the best at everything. blech.
so whatever. but i feel sad and a little empty. i like love. i like giving love. i am VERY glad i have my little son to love. being without a boyfriend certainly makes me pour more of my love on DS and that feels really good.
ok thats my update for you all. now i am going to read Harry potter to ds and put his FIRST lost tooth under his pillow with him!