Refrigerator Magnets

[Oriole]

OKay... I am not a neat freak by any means, I have a few things, though, that I keep clean - that would include my kitchen sink and refrigerator door.

I don't like mismatched magnets and bills, and menus handing on the fridge doors, and one day I went out, got a bunch of different size clear magnet frames, inserted photographs, and put them on the refrigerator door. Looks very clean, and my favorite photos with dear stepdaughter, and dp, and myself are up. It's been like that for almost a year by now.

Now...
Today we picked up DSD (14 y.o.) and did some food shopping and purchased a shopping list magnet... I wanted to keep it on the side of the fridge, which is harder to see when you are in the kitchen, along with a couple of take out menus and cupons. When she pulled out the shopping list out of the bag, and asked me where I wanted it, after my reply she said she likes it on the freezer door, and put it up right in between the photos.

I don't think she was trying to be rebellious, she could have listen to my wishes, and chose not to, but at the same time she didn't have a rude tone. I feel weird about moving the shopping list away from the photos, because it would be like I'm saying her opinion doesn't matter, and too controlling, and just plain weird to make a big deal over the magnets. :

Am I a total nutcase to let REFRIGERATOR MAGNETS bother me? I just can't stand looking at it in that place... I like photos aside from the messy stuff. And I certainly am not looking for an argument with DSD. Withing the short talk it was clear THAT's where she wanted the shopping list, and I am left feeling like I have an OCD about the door....

Soooooo..... How do I move the shopping list to where I want it without getting into confrontation with DSD, or should I just call Dr. Phil about my magnets thing? :

[Pynki]

Does she live with you? If not move it when she leaves... or if she lives with you give it a couple of days and then move it. If she asks you moved it while you were wiping down the door.

I do think you may be a bit OCD about this though.

[alegna]

If she lives with you let it go for now. Yeah, you're making too big a deal out of magnets.

If she doesn't live with you move it when she leaves.

-Angela

[angelpie545]

Originally Posted by alegna

If she lives with you let it go for now. Yeah, you're making too big a deal out of magnets.

If she doesn't live with you move it when she leaves.

-Angela

Yup, I agree. With teenagers, it's really best to pick your battles, and honestly, refrigerator magnets are the least of your worries.

[Oriole]

*tiptoeing into the Refrigerator Magnets therapy sessions...*

[meisterfrau]

I sometimes find myself getting pretty wigged out over little things like this. I really just like for things that I have placed a certain way to stay that certain way, KWIM? Like, if I had WANTED that magnet there, I'd have put it there, so don't move it!

It's at those times that I really need an impartial third party to give me a good shake and tell me to get a grip. So allow me to do you that service in the nicest, most understanding way possible:

Get a grip! They're magnets!

It seems, from the tone of your post, that you can kind of see this too, and see the humor in the situation.

[terrordactyl]

i'd call doctor phill

[Alenushka]

I think you ahve OCD....things like that is why my first stepmom and I never had a good relationships. You do nto ahve to control everything. Let it go...it is jsut magnets

[orangefoot]

Our logic is not like theirs and sometimes we have to things gooooooooo........ so as not to get too crazy:

That said, if you cant let it go and you think that this issue may affect how you deal with other issues with her then maybe you need to sort it out now and not let it hang over the rest of your life together. She may not mind where you put the shopping list magnet - ask her and see waht she says.

[Nathan1097]

Originally Posted by Alenushka

I think you ahve OCD....things like that is why my first stepmom and I never had a good relationships. You do nto ahve to control everything. Let it go...it is jsut magnets

My mother is like this. She follows me around trying to pre-empt my every action, at times! It is driving me to depression. I am in therapy to learn to deal with it. Easiest solution is to move when I get a job (hopefully soon). But a 14-year-old can't do that!

[eirual]

What about writing on it while she's around- take it off the fridge to list a few items (carry it around with you for effect- or take it to a table, etc.) then 'absentmindedly' happen to place it on the fridge where you want it put.

If it means nothing to her she won't think twice about it, if she chooses that as something to argue over then you know her original intentions and can deal with that whole new situation.

[the_lissa]

Maybe her intentions are that she likes it there.

[enkmom]

I am not trying to be mean, but if this is your biggest problem with your stepdaughter, you have it made! My stepson was stealing from his grandmother, my daughter quit doing any schoolwork during her senior year, and my kids lost a classmate to drunk driving. I wish our biggest problems were the placement of refrigerator magnets.

I really think your stepdaughter is just saying she likes it there, and is making a choice about where to put things in her home.

[mamaduck]

If you are like this about a lot of things, then I think the advice to try to let this go is good. But if you are only like this about a handful of things, then I think you should cling onto what is important to you, and be honest about it with your DSD. I would say something like, "I have to confess that I'm a little bit neurotic about my fridge door. Its not personal, okay? I just need to have it a certain way. Will you humor me?"
(Now, be prepared -- in my house, this would be well received initially, and then quickly become fodder to tease me mercilessly about. I would be constantly finding weird adjustments to the items on the fridge, in a covert effort to "drive mommy out of her mind." Dh and my kids find my idiocyncracies hillarious fun.)

[Aliviclo]

I think the whole thing sounds very passive aggressive and control freaky. If it's really bothering you, why not just say "Hey, do you mind if I move this? It's kinda bugging me here, because it's detracting from our lovely pictures. What would you think about putting it over here instead?" That way you're acknowledging her feelings and allowing her to express her opinion, while not stifling your own. However, I do agree that you're getting far more bothered than you should be about this. I doubt it has as much to do with OCD as it does with the complicated balance of power, walking on tiptoe, not wanting to upset the apple cart nature of your relationship with your stepdaughter. If you're otherwise normal, you wouldn't be angsting over this with anyone else in the world.

[mamaduck]

If you're otherwise normal, you wouldn't be angsting over this with anyone else in the world.

I can easily see myself angsting over this issue. I get worked up over stupid stuff internally all the time.

[Satori]

lol, OCD and call Dr Phil..


Perhaps the magnet is becasue of bigger control issues?

[Oriole]

Originally Posted by Aliviclo

I doubt it has as much to do with OCD as it does with the complicated balance of power, walking on tiptoe, not wanting to upset the apple cart nature of your relationship with your stepdaughter. If you're otherwise normal, you wouldn't be angsting over this with anyone else in the world.

I try to be honest with my "issues" whatever they may be... And if I truly thought that it is an issue with the fact that she is a STEP daughter I would be posting in the blended family discussion.

I post in the teenage section, because I think she'd take me moving the magnet back personally whether or not she is my biological child. It's true that our relationship is a bit fragile, and I don't want to make an issue over magnets with her. We are doing pretty well at the moment, and I certainly don't want to turn into a control freak over here (hence, why the magnet is still where she put it last night... but I swear.. it's staring at me! )

P.S. I'm trying to get used to the shopping list being out of place... I'm not sure though I could handle another magnet out of place... *heart pounding... blood pressure rising*

P.P.S. Pathetic... I know...

[ThreeBeans]

I think you need to talk to a doctor about this. Seriously. I'm not being a brat or making a joke. Your reaction seems very unhealthy.

[alegna]

But I agree with ThreeBeans. It's a WAY over the top reaction for magnets.

When I saw the title the first time I wondered if someone was using those dirty poetry magnets or the naked lady ones....

-Angela