Moms of Many Gentle Discipline Support Thread - Page 7

[AngieB]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

Here's a question--when you have something to do, like haircuts or physicals, do you find it better for discipline and sanity if you schedule everyone at the same time (or one after the other) or do you take them all at different times?

I'm very lucky to have my mom near by and she usually goes with me and will sit in the waiting room while I take one in at a time.

[phathui5]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

Here's a question--when you have something to do, like haircuts or physicals, do you find it better for discipline and sanity if you schedule everyone at the same time (or one after the other) or do you take them all at different times?

For physicals, I try to schedule them two at a time (ds2 and dd have one coming up).

Haircuts, I do myself at home, usually just one at a time because by the time I'm done one of them, I don't want to cut anyone else's. I do them myself because it's too expensive to take three kids (ds3 doesn't have hair yet) out for a haircut.

[kissykoko]

dsd

subbing, I just have 3 occassionally 4 if my 15yr.old dsd is visiting. my youngest is 3weeks old and my 3yr old ds is so aggressive with my 6yr old dd. getting out of the house is tough and so is bedtime. i am yelling a lot. I am losing my temper with my 3 yr old daily since the baby arrived. I feel like such a mean,frazzled, no-fun mom.

[phathui5]

Reading Snippets?

Who can recommend Gentle Discipline reading that I can do in short doses? I tend to get interrupted often when trying to read during the day, but when the kids are awake is when I need to dose myself with the GD readings.

[annettemarie]

I know not everyone here loves him, but I find the Dr. Sears Discipline Book very east to read in small doses.

[sunnysideup]

Originally Posted by phathui5

Reading Snippets?

Who can recommend Gentle Discipline reading that I can do in short doses? I tend to get interrupted often when trying to read during the day, but when the kids are awake is when I need to dose myself with the GD readings.

I would recommend How to Talk so Kids Will Listen by Faber and mazlish, or Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen. You could open either book, read a page, and learn something helpful.

[carmel23]

Originally Posted by kissykoko

subbing, I just have 3 occassionally 4 if my 15yr.old dsd is visiting. my youngest is 3weeks old and my 3yr old ds is so aggressive with my 6yr old dd. getting out of the house is tough and so is bedtime. i am yelling a lot. I am losing my temper with my 3 yr old daily since the baby arrived. I feel like such a mean,frazzled, no-fun mom.

You have a very young new born! I know, a new born and a three year-old are a challenging combination (a 3 yo without sleep even without an infant to care for can be difficult!) . You 3 yo is still getting used to baby, too... Give yourself time, and your 3 yo lots of hugs and kisses. Deep breaths!

My 3 year-old and 6 year-old get along and fight at the same time ... Sometimes they are best buds, sometimes I just have to separate them...

And if everything is going wacky, we read stories, too (as someone mentioned above)...

[mama-a-llama]

I don't feel like I'm really a mom of many--I only have 3 (2y11m, 1y10m but globally delayed, and 2 wk old) and I feel really validated reading this thread, so I'm posting.

I'm curious about you mamas thoughts about the love flooding concept. I'd really love to get into more of that sort of thing when things are going badly, make that my default response rather than yelling : But how to DO it while managing the needs of 3 littles?

[Kidzaplenty]

Just wanted to check in and say hi to everyone. I have been in the middle of a move and have not had much time on the computer. Still am unpacking and have tons to do, so there is little time now to sit and chat. But just wanted to touch in with all my tribes.

So, I am still around, just not very vocal at this moment.

Moving with six children that are tired of moving, working, and stressed is a great time to practice GD. And I have actually been very good lately. So I am getting a lot of practice.

[GinaRae]

Originally Posted by ekblad9

I've had a couple that tried that but they got *black out* immediately. It ended their misconceived notion that they can be snotty b/c they're teens/pre teens.

Black out?? What's that?

Originally Posted by mama-a-llama

I'm curious about you mamas thoughts about the love flooding concept.

I am not all that interested in love flooding for when things are going badly. I tend to be this way ALL the time. Okay, not SO flooding as she was talking about because I don't play games with love.

But for instance, we say 'I love you' so many times per day, I can't count. I ask them to do something and say, "Thanks, bubba!. Love ya."

Yesterday I truly upset my special needs 12 year old and he did the whole grab the head and cry out thing. I was angry with him and hormonal and wanted to continue to yell at him, but instead I held out my arms and said, "Come here. I'm sorry, I am so sorry I yelled at you. I shouldn't have yelled. I'm frustrated. I'm sorry, I love you!"

So anywhoo, I guess maybe I just hold them, rub them, tell them I love them, smile and laugh so much on a daily basis, even when it's not a good day. I suppose I naturally flood them every day instead of waiting for the bad times and then trying to fit it in.

Every day COULD be considered a bad day AND a good day, depending on how you look at it. My oldest was really causing major problems lately and the whole family was caving. We figured out what was going on and things equalized quickly. It was HARD to keep saying I love you when he was so mean to me and the boys. But I do so, because i DO love him.

I see it in return too. My youngest is the most vocal about his love and appreciation for me. The others rub my preggo tummy, kiss my cheek, play with my hair, tell me they love me every day, etc.

Somehow it just works.

I would suggest NOT trying to love flood with games and what not when you have so many kids, and instead make it a foundation... a piece of the structure of your family that is shown every single day.

[ekblad9]

"black out" is when they lose all privileges. No computer, TV, ipod, radio, friends, ect. In our house I try to teach that mutual respect gets privilages and being rude or disrespectful does not (regardless of age or mood). We do a ton of "I love you's" and hugs and kisses all the time. I really haven't had a bad time of it at all. The kids have been pretty respectful and we just enjoy them.

[GinaRae]

Oh I gotcha!

The boys have consequences too that usually work just fine, but there just seemed to be an extra dose of mouth coming at me. Once we'd found out (since my initial post about mouthiness) what was going on with my oldest, he's settled down really well again.

He's being sweeter and more understanding and we're able to work together again. I just wish we'd had his levels checked months ago when the problems came to a head instead of assuming it was just summer time stress since he's used to school routines. I could have saved this pregnancy a lot of stress.

[carmel23]

Hi all! Just checking in to say, "hola."

We've been back to school for a week, and things seem to be going alright. My dh is not working as much as before, which is nice to have him around a lot more: , but we are really broke... but it is nice to be able to split the kids up and do stuff one on one, or even, *gasp* by myself...

I'm looking into a Montessori preschool for my 3.5 year-old. He has major separation anxiety... so we'll take it easy. I hope he does like it, though, since I'll be in a master's program in spring semester ...

Anyway, I hope everyone has a nice, long weekend

[michaelsmama]

I'm new to this area of mothering and just exploring GD as a concept, but wanted to say hi. We have 2 - 4.5 and 20 mos - and one due in nov/dec (and who knows how many after that one) so we're on our way to a bigger family. As i learn more about GD i'll be interested to read more on how you all actually put it into practice (and to see how it fits in with what we've been doing since DS1 was born).

[michaelsmama]

Oh yeah and our house is plenty noisy with just 2 boys - who love music esp drums and guitars, and running, and soccer, and the shiny wood floors which are good for sliding and crashing...

[mama-a-llama]

Thanks Gina, that makes sense. I do need to do more of that.

Any thoughts about what to do with my almost 3 yo? She has so much energy, I KNOW what she probably needs is more physical play, but don't know how to provide it w/ a newborn that wants to be ON me most of the time. DH isn't home until late/nearly bedtime most days. We live in a multigenerational household which is awesome, but Grampa isn't quite up to the rough stuff.

ETA: I always feel like such a wimp admitting I have help that most mamas would totally envy and I STILL struggle. Please be gentle

[yskapl]

Thanks

Originally Posted by momuveight2B

... it is a process, a journey not a destination. As I learned better from other moms I did better. So where ever you are in this process right now give yourself a HUGE pat on the back because just that you are aware of the need to GD is more than half way there.

The years go by quick and these littles ones are so precious. The older I get the more I know what the older women mean when they tell us to cherish every moment because it won't last long. It doesn't. So on really hard days I remember this and when I have a child that is so unlovable at the moment I reach out and put them on my lap and not across it. I have learned to offer a hug and not a timeout that only really addresses my own frustration. That reconnection with our children is so powerful and begins the day they are born when we put them to our breast.

Just keep working at GD and never give up. It really does work in the long run to have a peaceful family. These little people will one day be ruling our country, taking care of us in our old age and raising our grandchildren. We want the best outcome so it is always a worthy goal to work hard at it each day.

Thank you for the reminder. You are all so awesome.

[annettemarie]

and wondering how everyone is doing?

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

and wondering how everyone is doing?

Not good :

[annettemarie]

I've been working on my resolution not to yell. And beyond not yelling, not to be sarcastic or have an exasperated tone. Yesterday was really tough.

We had a hectic start to the morning and then my sister called. I shouldn't have answered it, but her name didn't show up on the caller ID and I was afraid it was a church member.

Then we were doing reading and Nicholas was being noisy, so I sent him to play upstairs. Reading took forever (Why was she making g sounds?!?! The last g was 6 pages back!) and was exasperating and I was praying so hard for patience. Plus the baby was fussing. And Nick was screaming "Can I come down yet? I WILL BE QUIET!"

So, finish reading, latch on baby, send Katie Grace up to get her brother. She goes up, but never comes back down. Trying to get fussy teething baby to sleep, but not only are they not coming down, they're banging doors, screaming, chucking stuff around. I'm trying to yell--without waking the baby--"Get back downstairs now, please!" Which honestly, I probably wouldn't have done if they were just being quiet. I would have waited till the baby was good and asleep.

Went upstairs, and Katie Grace had shut herself in a closet and couldn't get out. (When I called DH to tell him what happened, at this point he said, "Wait. You did let her out, right?" I did.) This is where I really lost it and just screamed. I screamed that seeing as she wasn't a dress, she had absolutely no reason to be in the closet with the door shut. I screamed that she was old enough to do what I asked, especially something as simplistic as 'Tell your little brother he can come downstairs, and then come back down." I screamed that never in my life had I wanted to spank a child more, and it was a horrible thing to scream at a child. I realized I was out of control and sent the boy child down to clean up his blocks and the girl child down to sit on the bottom step, and I took a couple minutes to get myself together and feel generally miserable and the, while walking down the stairs, tripped and fell over a block Nicholas had left there. I hurt my wrist, thumb, back, and tushie. It was probably one of my lowest parenting moments ever, and my back still hurts today. Karma, I guess.