Why is it harder to talk to friends?

[carriebft]

I know this won't be the case for everyone here, but I am finding it harder to talk to friends about the issue of breastfeeding than I am strangers. I don't mean just talk about breastfeeding in general, but to talk with the goal of making them think more about providing breastmilk for their child.

I think it might be because I am really afraid that one of them will not be the person I think they are. I guess it's teh same for circumcision. Most of my friends have already come out against it, but, all the same, I still sometimes become hesitant to talk to them. I think I fear failure with my friends more than other people.

Ok, I am rambling now, but does anyone else ever feel this way?

[captivatedlife]

yes. friends and family are the hardest for me. I just asked my sis if she was going to hit her dd...and that was the hardest thing in the world. But I heart her - she said no!!!

I think it's hard because it's so important to me. People are spreading so much misinformation that I feel I HAVE to counter act it....

nak

[carriebft]

Sometimes I feel like the "ones lost" affect my confidence level. And I don't feel like its a contest or anything, but sometimes you just lose people: they just don't want to breastfeed. So after experiencing that a few times, it makes me worried to talk to those that are really close to me, sometimes even the ones that we have talked and they were pro breastfeeding in the past!

I need some optimism pills I think!

[MisaGoat]

I think it is way harder to talk to friends about breastfeeding.

One of my friends did not breastfeed at all. I really think she made a bunch of excuses why she didn't. I didn't really try to counter her then because I wasn't there and was still pregnant. Also I knew how she felt about it and my opinion wasn't going to change her mind.

Really though since having our children we aren't that close and I don't really see that changing. We do too many things differently and I don't really like being around her as much now. Plus she doesn't feel the need to respect my decisions even though I don't tell her what I think about her methods.

[peapiebaby]

I agree -- harder w/ friends. And family.
My gmom is still one of the ones who thinks formula is better, must start solids at 6 weeks, cow's milk is better for my 15 mo dd than nasty bm, that dd needs to "quit that clingy garbage" with me and be separated, yada yada yada.
I have just avoided her lately. I think w/ family and friends it's harder to be so emphatic w/ our beliefs b/c we love those people and don't want to think less of them. And b/c, at least w/ family, we were taught to respect our elders...But my gmom will be up near where we live, along w. my mom and rest of family, for football season in just a few weeks and I will see her a bunch through Nov. and am already gearing myself up for my response.
B/c -- gasp -- I am STILL nursing an almost 16 mo old!! Heavens!
W/ the ILs, I just don't care as much and am just waiting for the first time DH's SIL (his brother's wife -- I claim no relation to her) starts hitting her kids around my DD (we have avoided them so much lately) b/c that is NOT something I will expose her to.

[OllieMama]

I find the same thing to be true, and I think it's probably (for me, anyway) that I totally hate confrontation, particularly with people I care about already, and/or have to deal with a lot. I also hate to come off preachy or like I'm trying to make them feel bad about themselves if they decide not to bf. And naturally, you probably care at least a little more about how you make your friends/family feel than a total stranger, ykwim?

[Stayathomemommy]

it may be harder to talk to friends but i have always felt more pull to speak to my friends who are just starting families or are finding out they are having little boys (circing). I just know that they wont get all the best info and i usually supplly tons of links and books and then ask them months later what decisions they came to. I know of 2 different friends who recently had baby boys and chose not to circ only because i had brought it up to them during their pregnancy, before that they had not thought about it or had thought that they would circ before i gave them info about it. its much more rewarding to see them become the wonderful parents they are and praise them later for the wonderful choices they made.

[PingPong'sMom]

Good thread

I am a health educator and always felt comfortable speaking on many topics and from many points of view (I did my research). Have always talked about homebirth and ebf, etc., asking friends, family and strangers to question their sources (or lack thereof) and the societal norms. Now I'm about 3 months preggo with my first. We're announcing to friends and family this weekend, however, I'm finding out that a few close friends and a few of my friend's friends are on the same Feb due date track as I am.

I'm finding myself very quietly contemplative though. I now don't want to talk to friends and family about our decisions (homebirth, efb, ap-parenting, etc.) and try to convince them of anything. But... sitting around hearing 'if they can ask for it...' yet accepting scheduled cs, makes me crazy and am actually offended.

It's now like I don't want to share this info/time in my life with my friends because I know we're all making different decisions and unfortunately, my decisions are least mainstream/easiest to 'attack'. I am also a first time mom-to-be so I haven't even earned my membership card yet. I feel great pressure to educate them... yet I feel I must put my energy into making a home, a healthy body and family for my little one. And will I lose friends over this?

So yes, I feel talking to friends is really difficult, I'm right there with you.

[mouso]

I have a friend who had low supply with her first baby (due to hospital having her supplement b/c he was "hungry") and by the time DS was 3 months she was no longer nursing. She was crying every time she nursed and finally gave up.

I didn't know then all I know now and with her 2nd baby 2 months ago I was her go-to BF girl. It was hard to be so adamant about BFing and not say anything about formula b/c her son is happy, healthy and she did the best she could. I did not want her to feel bad about her first baby, when she did what she felt was right at the time, and was following doc's orders. Plus, she's my friend, although I treat strangers that way too.

So I just gently helped her with her issues. Talked to her about supplementation so soon after birth and how that mght have hurt her BFing the first time. And encouraged her. Told her she could do it, I had a good feeling about it, many 2nd time moms don't have the same probs, etc.

And she is doing great! DS2 is nursing like a champ and she is fine and happy she is successful. And I'm so glad.

[kikidee]

It's so true. I have friends who just think BFing is disgusting, co-sleeping is weird, yada yada. I don't talk about it too much w/ them, because they are pretty set in their ways, but it comes up sometimes. I figure w/ my friends, I will just quietly do what I do, and if they are interested in the CDing, co-sleeping, BFing, etc., I will happily give them information. Lead by example, if you will.

I feel like it's my mission to be the "weird" one in my group and show all my friends that extended BFing and all the above things and everything else "odd" that we do is actually pretty cool. I'm still the same person they have always known. So far, it's worked. I have had lots of questions on the CDs and I have been able to counter some information about vaxx and BFing that has come up.

No fights or standoffs or anything yet! And I feel like I'm doing something positive by being an example of how these strange kooky things we do are actually okay and quite beneficial.