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Almost 20 mo and pregnant w/ #2, X-posted

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
I am currently 33 weeks pregnant with #2, and have a toddler who is 19 months old. We have had many nursing strikes in our past, but none really since 12 months. I found out I was pregnant on her 13 month birthday, and my milk supply dramatically decreased around 20 weeks. I can still express a few drops (but its clear--anyone experienced that????--and it tastes funny, yeah, I tasted it, because I am wondering why this is all happening. Its not something I would want to consume, really. Its pretty yuck, and I liked the taste of my breastmilk before ). Anyway, over the course of the past 2 months, her nursing has decreased to the point of near-nothing. I offer a lot, but she really doesn't want it. She bit me a couple weeks ago, at night, and I told her no, Ouch, not to bite. She was done nursing at that point, and since then, she says she wants to nurse, latches on, bites me gently, and laughingly say Ouch, and then she is done.

She is very tiny, I want to continue to nurse her. I want to tandem nurse, but i don't want to force it, ya know? It has been 3 days since she last nursed, and she latched on this morning like she was going to nurse but then before she even started to suck, she did the biting thing, and was done. She asked for her pacifier (which she doesn't and hasn't ever gotten outside her crib or carseat). I didn't give her her binker but told her she could nurse, and she got up and went to doing other things.

Does anyone have any insight? I know most toddlers don't wean before 2, and I wanted to nurse for that long, or of course longer, but I'm just not sure what I should do.

And, if she stops nursing, is it even possible that she will want to nurse again after the baby is born? Will she remember if she does want to? How long can they go without nursing and still remember? Should I just be thankful that I won't have 2 to nurse?
post #2 of 18
Thread Starter 
Anyone? :
post #3 of 18
I don't have personal experience with this, but I've seen it discussed on this board in the past (yes, some kid's do start up again). The clear stuff is, I assume, colostrum. Just keep offering, that's really all you can do at this point.
post #4 of 18
Thread Starter 
I was really hoping that some mamas with CLW experience, even if not completely pertinent, might have some ideas/suggestions/empathy. I was so sad this morning...she woke up so early and usually would nurse back to sleep, but she was totally not interested...she wanted to cuddle and fell back to sleep that way, but not nurse. I couldn't even "trick" her into nursing sleepy. I am so sad. I just want her to be my baby, and I don't know why that part of our relationship seems so important. I also think she needs it...and that is the hardest part. The "what ifs" are taking over...What if she didn't have a pacifer, and that stupid nurse at the stupid hospital where I had my stupid c-section hadn't told us pacifiers were easier to take away than thumbs. What if we hadn't worked so hard on sleeping through the night, would she sitll want to nurse when she woke up at night? What if I hadn't gotten pregnant and taken this time away from dd? Oh, I hate hormones!
post #5 of 18

When I was preg. (m/c) dd almost stopped nursing too. I would offer it now and then and hope and encourage her to nurse again when the baby is here and the milk is back.

good luck!

post #6 of 18
I am currently TN my DD (3) and my DS (1 1/2) and I'm 28 weeks pregnant. DD has showed NO signs of weaning, but about 2 months ago I hit a real rough spot with DS. He was refusing it and I was SO sad. Of course the more he refused the less I produced so even when he was interested, there wasn't much to have (DD and DS nurse on their "own side"). I couldn't deal with the thought of him weaning, especially before DD. I was fortunate to have the option of switching their sides so that DS started nursing on DDs side which was producing more since she's still going strong. Anyway, besides hugs, the best advice I can give you is to just keep at it even if she is refusing. DD had a nursing strike for over a month when she was about 19 months. She had bit me and I yelled "OUCH!" cause it hurt of course. Well, that was enough to put an end to her nursing for fear of hurting me. I just constantly offered it anyway and talked to her about how it was OK that she bit me - that it was an accident and mommy forgives her, yadda yadda... I also kept telling her how the "milks" were still here if she decided she wanted some. DH talked to her as well. Eventually, she caved and started nursing again and here we are a year and a half later!!!
Your little one may very well start agin before or after you have the new one...
post #7 of 18

My DS weaned when I was about 20-22 weeks pg w/ DD. He was around a year and a half. : I spent about a week offering, and he would pull my shirt down and turn away. I attributed it to a "fatal" supply drop. I had an initial drop around 6-8 weeks pg, and then the second one. He was never much of a comfort nurser, so we didn't ride it out. It's hard and I mourned the end of our nursing relationship. I feel what you're going through.
post #8 of 18
Thread Starter 
Well, she just nursed for the first time in 5, or maybe 6 days. She woke up about 30 minutes after she went to sleep for the night and wanted to nurse, and I let her nurse until she unlatched about 40 minutes later, totally zonked out. We'll see about the next few times she wakes up, and how the next nights go...maybe it was just a nursing strike resulting from her fear of biting me. Thanks so much for the support Mamas...I'm sure I'll be back!
post #9 of 18
Thread Starter 
Well, she hasn't nursed since, and I tried to night while sleepy : . Its very frustrating. Would any of you take a pacifier away at this stage to keep a child nursing?

And here is a picture of the last time we nursed.
post #10 of 18
What a sweet sweet picture.
post #11 of 18
I was really worried about this, too. My DD just turned 2, and I'm 19 weeks along. She nurses every few days, maybe.

Someone at LLL this week said that her DS weaned for 3 months during her pregnancy, and now she nurses both. So it's totally possible and it does happen! That's what I'm hoping for.

Sincle your colostrum has come in, it's possible that your LO just isn't up for the taste. Maybe everything will change when the baby is born and your milk comes back in.

Have you read Mothering Your Nursing Toddler? There's a great chapter on pregnancy and tandem nursing.
post #12 of 18
Thread Starter 
Well, no nursing since I last posted, not even this weekend while camping and cosleeping : . She just doesn't want it at all. I will continue to offer in hopes that she will pick it back up, and nurse here and there so that she remembers how.

She very much does not care for the taste of colostrum, which is odd because she is not a picky eater. It must be awful .
post #13 of 18
forestrymom, i'd keep offering her as you are doing especially if you were looking forward to tandeming. If you only have around 6 weeks, there is a good chance she'll want to resume nursing again once the baby is here. let her know that your milk will be back to normal after the baby.
my nurslings still enjoyed the colostrum and i always knew my colostrum was in cause my nurslings gained a little weight from it.
i wanted to recommend drinking water when biting occurs (that doesn't seem to be your problem now though). that always helped me and my supply. you need alot of water when your preg, nursing, and especially pregnant and nursing. it's easy to get behind on the water intake when your a busy mom. it's not just the quantity, it's the amount of time in between.
and maybe it's not the taste of the colostrum, but that it doesn't come out as fast as the milk. i don't know of that for sure, but i do know nursing was sooo much easier after baby was born. she might be frustrated that the flow isn't to her standard.
i hope you get to tandem, it's definitely an experience that's worth it, IMO. It's hard to predict what will happen, but know that whatever it will be will be the best for you and your family.
hope these last few weeks go as fast/smooth as you need it too.
post #14 of 18
I agree that you should continue to offer, even if she only latches on for a short time. I have a feeling that if you "ride out" the next ~6 weeks she will pick it back up again, esp. after seeing the new babe nursing as well. And it's such a short period of time I don't think she'll forget how to latch on, esp. if she still gets occasional "practice".

Good luck! Keep us posted!
post #15 of 18
Thread Starter 


I am irritated/frustrated right now. I am on another board where all these mamas want to wean, and are wondering why there little one's "refuse". These poor babies are anywhere from 14 months to 24 months, and here I am, totally willing and wanting to nurse for eons, with a baby who now doesn't want to. And these poor little babies are being told they are too old. Sigh...

And dd is still refusing.
post #16 of 18
It *is* tough. I felt, well, rejected! KWIM? I stopped offering after a while. To be completely honest, I was iffy on tandeming and as much as it saddened me to have my nursing relationship with DS end, I was a bit relieved that weaning happened relatively easily. He wasn't upset, just not interested. We replaced the bedtime nursing session with him snuggling in my arms, watching TV. (embarassing, but it just sort of evolved into that, I used to watch TV in my darkened bedroom while he nursed, so I jjust kept that going. I had to find something not too stimulating or wildly inappropriate, so we watched a lot of Emeril )

Shortly before DD was born, DH took over DS's bedtime. Now it's their favorite time of day. DD nurses to sleep now (she's over 2) and DS can't WAIT until his special playtime with Daddy. They both look forward to that.
post #17 of 18
DD1 did this when I was pg with DD2, but she was older. She was a very avid nurser until my supply went away, in a matter of weeks she went from nursing every hour to going days without nursing. By the time DD2 was born, DD1 was close to 4y, and nursing once a week, only latching on for a few seconds. After DD2 was born, DD1 became interested in nursing more, but couldn't remember how to latch on and suck properly to get milk. I was dripping milk everywhere and yet she would tell me that there was none there because she couldn't figure out how to get it out anymore. She weaned right after her 4th B-day.
post #18 of 18
Thread Starter 
I do feel rejected. I don't know why I take it so personal...dh thinks I put way too much emphasis on mothering through nursing. He doesn't really get it at all.

Dd never nursed to sleep--she always prefered the pacifier. I dealt with oversupply and oald in the beginnig, and I think she wanted to suck and not drink, and the pacifier allowed her that. I have no idea what would have been the situation if the stupid nurse at the hospital hadn't encouraged us to use a pacifier, and had I found LLL and Mothering prior to having her. I just didn't know any better, and I literally only knew two people who nursed past 6 weeks.

Yesterday, the oddest thing happened. My mom is here visiting, and she brought dd a new baby blankie for her dolls...and she wrapped up the doll and wanted me to nurse it. She then got quite angry and kept saying nurse, and she undid my bra strap, and I thought she was upset that I wasn't "really" nursing the baby (I was nursing the doll over my bra). But even when I put the doll on my naked breast dd was upset, so I asked if she wanted to nurse. She nodded, so I laid her in my lap and she latched on, bit me coyly, said ouch and went on about her business. I wonder if she has already forgotten how to latch?
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