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S/O: Who chooses the college/university?

post #1 of 71
Thread Starter 
In the thread about the Duggars, which has gone oh so many places , there's a conversation about what parents are supporting when they choose a college for their child(ren).

And it occurs to me that my parents didn't choose, I chose. If they'd had their way, I'd have gone to a large state school; instead, I went to a small, Catholic, liberal arts women's college in another state, and my brother followed my lead, landing at a medium-sized co-ed Catholic college just down the street from me.

Who chose (or will choose) your (or your child(ren)'s) place of higher ed, if there was one?
post #2 of 71
They will; however, we plan to teach them to invest in their education way before it is time. We hope that we can raise them to understand debt and how it will affect them, pretty much we want them to chose where they want to go but raise them in a way that expense makes them more prudent about their choice. The same goes with diversity; I hope that we can raise them with a sense of how important it is so that they look to find a place of higher education that does not just draw from one socio economic/racial group.

As someone who turned away from Christianity but still attended a Catholic college, I would have no problem with them going to a school that is different than our beliefs/non beliefs.
post #3 of 71
I chose but my parents did let me know if they approved of my choices.
post #4 of 71
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by kewb View Post
I chose but my parents did let me know if they approved of my choices.
What did you do when they didn't approve? Or what would you have done if they hadn't?

My parents were shocked but didn't tell me I couldn't go where I wanted to go. Mostly, I think they were stunned that I chose a Catholic school, having been raised to be a good little Lutheran.
post #5 of 71
My dd recently chose which High School she would attend. So yes, she'll choose her college or university. She does look to us for advice about it.
post #6 of 71
My parents definitely had a lot of input, even though they couldn't afford to chip in any money. At that age, I didn't feel mature enough to make that big of a decision on my own, and I pretty much only looked at places that my parents felt comfortable with me living there on my own.
post #7 of 71
My parents didn't fund my college so no, they didn't choose it.

I'm on the fence about funding college for my kids. I would NOT pay for a college whose values I find reprehensible, like those in said thread from which this one was spun.
post #8 of 71
My parents and I chose mine together. My kids will choose theirs, but I would hope that dh and I would have some participation in the decision-making process. Unfortunately, affordability will likely be a major factor, so we will need to discuss how much we can contribute, and if they want a school over that, they'll need to be able to come up with the difference themselves. Beyond that, I think I would accept almost any arrangement they wanted. There are a few things that I think we would refuse to pay for.
post #9 of 71
i was given a few limitations - i couldn't go anywhere west of the mississippi. this was mostly because the airfare a few times a year would place more of a burden on their finances. since all the financial aid packages came up to be fairly comparable, i was ultimately allowed to choose.

as for choosing a high school, though, my parents and i were at major odds. they bribed me, and i caved.
post #10 of 71
I chose my own, but with little/no input from my mother. I wish it were more since I was making such a large decision basically on my own at a point where I was immature. Given that history, dd will choose where she wants to go, but with significant input/discussions with me.
post #11 of 71
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Brigianna View Post
...we will need to discuss how much we can contribute, and if they want a school over that, they'll need to be able to come up with the difference themselves.
That's how it was handled in our family, too. At least, that was the plan. It didn't quite play out like that, in the end, but that's a whole other conversation. :
post #12 of 71
My dc will choose which one they go to. We will have in put but not veto power. I am hoping they will go to school within a 100 miles of here. There are so many good ones close. I would be heartbroken if they moved too far...
post #13 of 71
Mine will choose their own college, but I get to give my opinion.

I wouldn't fun something like Bob Jones or Liberty, but, then again, I doubt they will be contenders.
post #14 of 71
Originally Posted by frog View Post
What did you do when they didn't approve? Or what would you have done if they hadn't?
I have no idea what I would have done if they had not approved of my choices. They did have some concerns about where I really wanted to go and we discussed them and that was the end of it. I suppose if they were strongly opposed to my choice I would have found out what they objected to and researched it so I could challenge their approval. I don't think it even occurred to me at the time that they might not approve.
post #15 of 71
My parents pushed for me to go to a big state school because of the cost and diversity (I had been at a small all girls Catholic high school). When I chose a small Catholic school, they were still very supportive and paid and everything. When I transferred to a big public school my sophomore year, they were ecstatic.

DH and I have talked about this and we will definitely encourage our kids to go certain places (and avoid others). We would like to pay for our kids' college and I like to think that gives us some say about where they go. I really hope that our children will share our values and not go somewhere like BJU. I couldn't write tuition checks out to a place like that.
post #16 of 71
I am not even sure my dad knew where I applied so yeah, I chose. My DD is allowed to choose but if she chooses to go to school in TX (or Bob Jones U perish the thought), she will have to pay for it herself.
post #17 of 71
I chose the college I attended. If my parents had thought it was a bad choice they didn't say anything. They didn't really push for any particular school. If they hadn't approved of my choice I might have considered my other options more.

I would never tell dd that she had to go to a particular school. I would give her my input on the schools she considers.
post #18 of 71
I got to "choose" off a short list that was pre-approved by my parents. There was heavy pressure to stay at state u and live at home but uh, not on your life.

When it comes time for my daughter to go to college (nooooooooooooo! : ) I'll give her some more freedom, but I also doubt I'll be able to contribute much beyond books and co-signing loans, given I'll probably still be up to my ears in my own educational debt.
post #19 of 71
I went to a community college for two years, then transferred to an Ivy League for my last two years. I paid for it all myself, but for my ds (and any other dc I have) I'm planning to offer to pay cc rates for two years, then I will pay state rates for the final two years. My dc can choose to go to Harvard or Oxford if they want to, but I will make it very clear about how much we plan to contribute.

FWIW, my parents always told me I would go to college (leaving me with the assumption that they would help pay), but then told me during my senior year of h.s. that they wouldn't be paying a dime, nor would they sign any loans for me. This forced me to change my plans, but for the better. I had planned to go to a state university and ended up with an Ivy League education (with less debt than I would have had at the state university). So, I honestly don't feel like parents HAVE to pay their kids way through college. I paid my way, I have lots of friends who paid their way, and there are always ways to go to school if one wants to go. Worse, IMO, are the kids whose parents are footing the bill and they honestly don't care about what they are learning, why they are there, what they will do. I think THOSE kids ought to go work at a jobby-job for a few years and THEN think about college. It might make them more appreciative of mom and dad signing those checks.

ETA: I totally don't care where he chooses to go. It's his life. If he wants to major in basket weaving, great. If he wants to go to seminary school, great. If he wants to become the next hot shot Republican whatsit, great. I will provide guidance, but I would prefer to allow him to make his own mistakes than to feel as though I pressured him to do something he didn't actually want to do (I'm a GREAT lecturer, but not that great with guilt trips. I do make my views known, but then I *try* (key word) to shut up about it)
post #20 of 71
I'll try to encourage my kids to go to public universities, and I will provide four years of room, board and tuition for them to get their undergraduate degrees and come out debt-free.

There are some institutions that I cannot and will not support. My money won't be going to institutions that are actively linked to particular denominations and beliefs.
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