Muslim Mamas tribe - Page 8

[avent]

Originally Posted by Beanie's Mom

However, my family-in-law are devout Muslims and they have said that nursing is allowed only until age 2 when the child should be weaned.

My understanding from talking to my childhood Imam about this is that 2 years is the minimum. No maximum is specified. I would ask my in-laws to show me where the maximum is written down and if they could not, I would not worry about their opinion on this subject. I know many Muslim mamas who have breastfeed 3 years and beyond. I think the "2 year cutoff" is more cultural than religious.

[Mama Aminah]

Originally Posted by msiddiqi

Hey assalamulaykum,
I have to ask you guys your opinion on something. We just had our second DC 5 days ago alhamdullilah. We are so so happy, but I am really exhausted. Since the baby was born we have had people coming over including my husband's parents etc. I haven't had the best relationship with them but I understand their place in our lives and try to be respectful and stay quiet when they say things that bother me. But needless to say, having them around isn't exactly relaxing for me because of that. My DH feels obligated whenever he is home taking care of me this week that he should pick them up and bring them over (they live about 10 min away). I asked him if I could have some time alone, I just needed some time to recover and I felt like it was very healing to have just him, and the kids with me. He understands that but he still goes back and forth because he feels guilty about them.
I don't know if I'm just being selfish... but I'm not exactly asking them not to come at all. I just wanted the weekdays while my husband was home to spend with just the family. He's usually so busy with two jobs that we never get that time anyways and I feel like this is a very rare opportunity. I told him to bring them tomorrow (after I had gotten very angry and lost my temper and cried about them coming today ). Am I asking for too much?

Congratulations on your new little bundle, Masha-Allah!!

I don't thing you are being unreasonable at all!! This is a very special time and also a very tiring time. For you to want to spend some alone time with the family is not only acceptable it is commendable. I think you should tell your husband that you need the time with him and the kids. If you in-laws have been over every day, they can skip a day or two. It won't hurt them. This is just my two cents. May Allah make it easy on you.

[Mama Aminah]

Originally Posted by Beanie's Mom

Hello Sisters, I am writing here because I had a question regarding extended breastfeeding and Islam and am seeking some advice. My daughter is 16 months and she is still nursing happily. I love nursing her and am not planning on weaning her and in fact, and I hope to practice child led weaning which I understand may mean she will nurse until she is 3-4 or even later. I am perfectly fine with it. However, my family-in-law are devout Muslims and they have said that nursing is allowed only until age 2 when the child should be weaned. (btw, I converted when my husband and I got married.) My husband actually, does not encourage nursing after age 2 either despite all the health benefits I have outlined for him. I don't think it is a religious issue for him however, it is more of a social issue. I am not so worried about dealing with my husband though (I still have time to work on him and he knows that I am a real lactivist!), but I am really distressed about dealing with his father, mother, and siblings who are all very religious. I really need to get my husband on board with child led weaning and hopefully he will be an ally when talking to his family. I have a friend who is also Muslim and she nursed until age 4 and she thinks the ban on nursing after age 2 may be a cultural thing as opposed to a religious one. Any advice out there?? Please help!!Thanks so much!!

I think you should be commended for wanting to do the best for your child. You should be proud of yourself for going against the "norm". Would Allah really want us to rip away our child's feeling of security and love and etc. etc. before they were ready? I don't think so. What is the harm in nursing until they are older than two?

I believe that when you choose to breastfeed beyond 12 months, unfortunately you are also choosing to set yourself up for comments from both family and strangers. However, we have to do what is best for our child. My Mom is not a Muslim and I know she doesn't really agree that Aminah is still nursing at 28 months, but she is not Aminah's mother, I am! I have to do what is best for her. Does that make sense?

I say that you need to ignore your in-laws. Maybe by being an example extended breastfeeding, you will change the way they think.

[Lisa Lubner]

On the names thing... You don't have to change your name or give your baby an arabic name. The only names that are strictly forbidden are those with haraam meanings and names that are specifically reserved for Allah (swt). Islam is for everyone, not just arabs. Arab culture is interesting and beautiful in a lot of ways for sure, but Islam and Arab are not synonymous words.

As for breastfeeding... The surah in the Quran that mentions a 2 year time limit is addressing divorced women specifically. Most muslims I have known, the scholarly included, claim that this is THE limit that we are supposed to wean our children at. However, I have personally never come across anything that I would seriously consider proof of this claim. There is another verse that says...

The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months.

Supposedly this is supposed to support the 2 year idea in that "the minimum amount of gestation is 6 months, so if you subtract that from 30, 2 years remains the age for weaning"... Knowing what I know about pregnancy and childbirth... uh, no. In the context of the verse in it's whole form, which is advising muslims to be kind to their parents because of the hardships they endured to bring them into the world and raise them, it seems like it is just meant to demonstrate those sacrifices... and not that it is meant to be taken as a literal instruction as to how long a child should breastfeed.

That's my opinion anyway...

[Ammaarah]

Assalaamu alaykum,

My little one is almost 26 months old and I am slowly weaning her, but not because I believe it's haram to nurse longer or anything. I'm just ready to slowly close that chapter inshaAllah.

I do have one book that says it's haram to BF past two, but then I always think, do they mean like a day after the second birthday or wean by the time the baby turns three? Is it following the Gregorian calendar or Islamic months? At any rate, I don't think there are any hadiths saying thou shalt wean at 24 months or earlier. If anyone has any info, I'd like to see it.

I think even if there were actual hadiths we could put our hands on today that promote weaning right at 24 months, we'd have to look at why. The ummah was relatively very small during the life of Prophet Mohammed, peace be upon him. It was pretty important to keep having babies. I'm coming to the conclusion that even though I ovulate while nursing, I am not fertile during this time.

At any rate, I truly think it's going a bit far when people say nursing is haram after two years. I think there's a big difference between Allah saying the period of nursing is two years and humans saying the period is two years, max. So I will nurse my daughter past two (although not as long past two as she would like, probably.)

[din4]

Hi Rebecca,

Welcome to this thread. I'm so happy to see you here...

One of the best times to go to the mosque is at sunset or just after sunset (especially if you're working during the daytime). Or the other time is on Friday at noon. The mosque might have some kind of activities on the weekend and this might be a good time for you to come too. You might wanna check with them again.

Recommendation:
~ Dress modestly
~ If you come during the prayer time: sit a distance behind the men or if there are women praying, sit next to them.
~ Important that if you see someone praying, not to walk in front of them.
That's all...

If you have any questions, you're welcome to contact us.

Salaam (peace),
-Sis Dina-

Originally Posted by dealic

Ok, since I am lurking in this thread, I thought I would post a bit of a hello!

I am not a Muslim (or a mama), but I am interested in Islam. I have had several Muslim friends and I really like some of their perspectives, especially when compared to Christian perspectives on the same issue. I am lurking to hopefully learn more, and so far its working. I am always having to look up words you use (wikipedia is my friend) and am enjoying the conversation.

I am very excited that my city just got its first Mosque, and I would love to go there one day. I am very worried about this though, as I am an infidel with no plans to convert, and I worry that they would not be pleased to have me there. I just want to learn. Its so nice to see. We just got our first Synogogue a few years ago, and we are still 98% white, 93% Christian, etc. I like the little steps towards diversity I see.

Anyway, hello! Hopefully no one minds my shameless lurking.

[avent]

Originally Posted by din4

Recommendation:
~ Dress modestly
~ If you come during the prayer time: sit a distance behind the men or if there are women praying, sit next to them.
~ Important that if you see someone praying, not to walk in front of them.

One more recommendation: Come prepared to remove your shoes if you wish to enter the prayer areas.

[msiddiqi]

I don't know if this was mentioned but this sister just wrote an email on a google group I'm on about how Shaykh Abdul Adhami's position is that there is no upper limit on breastfeeding. I want to find out more but just thought it might be something to look into as well.
On Sunnipath they say 2 1/2. If anyone finds out anymore about Shaykh Adhami's position please post it, I'd like to know for my DD.

[mango*mama]

On Sunnipath, there is more than one answer. Shaykh Amjad Rasheed says no problem after 2 years. It took me a while to find it here:
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.a...=3888&CATE=335

The link from Umm Zaynab's Islamic Attachment Parenting site was broken!
http://www.geocities.com/islam_ap/breastfeed.html

[mamefati28]

Salam Sisters-
Hope everyone is doing well.....
My heart is heavy today for another MDC momma, sugarlumpkin. Today is her first day of chemo and the last day she nurses her little one. Please keep her close to your heart and in your prayers, she is a strong momma with a great attitude. I am going to start her "thinking of you" thread in TAO again so come on over and show her some love, or pm her, or read her blog.....
www.motherhoodandcancer.blogspot.com
Peace

[Mama Aminah]

Asalamu Alaikum Sisters.

We have been a bit quiet here. I have not been on in quite a while because my Mom was visiting for a couple of weeks and I was limiting my computer time to checking email only. I pray all of you are in the best of health and Iman.

All is well here Alhamdulilah. The weather has turned cold but this is the season to expect that. I would rather have it be a bit cold than to hot!

Is anyone starting to prepare for Eid-ul-Adha? I know it may be a bit early but I already bought my dd a new dress. I wasn't going to get anything new but my dh encouraged me to buy a new Abaya. I found a good deal on desertstore.com. I believe they are based in Saudi Arabia. I ordered express delivery so I hope it is here before I leave to go to Michigan on the 7th. I am sooooo excited about being with all of my friends for Eid. My husband will be thousands of miles away but at least I will be with friends!

[msiddiqi]

Walaikumassalam,
Speaking of abayas for little girls, anyone up for a discussion on instilling hayat (sp?) in girls and boys (but girls in particular because of the fact that hijabs are, well, so "different" even in Muslim countries). I just had my second baby, a girl, and now these questions keep swirling around in my head. Some believe we have to force hijab because it's our responsibility but that just doesn't sit well with me and doesn't feel like it does justice to the spirit of Islam. But allahualam. Any thoughts?

[avent]

I haven't thought about Eid but my parents are finally going to Hajj! We have been very wrapped up in preparations for the journey and I haven't even had time to think beyond getting them started on their trip. Once they are on their way I'll focus on Eid.

[mamefati28]

Salam sisters-
Have missed all of you....
I have been thinking about Eid, as it is always one of the times that we send money to our family overseas for all the preparation. In fact I got a voicemail from my MIL today, inchallah we will have our contribution soon. Wish we could be there with them, it is always one of my favorite family times.
Love to all of you and yours..

[Mama Aminah]

Originally Posted by mamefati28

Salam sisters-
Have missed all of you....
I have been thinking about Eid, as it is always one of the times that we send money to our family overseas for all the preparation. In fact I got a voicemail from my MIL today, inchallah we will have our contribution soon. Wish we could be there with them, it is always one of my favorite family times.
Love to all of you and yours..

I know what you mean, we always send money to my husband's family in Nigeria for Eid. They slaughter a lamb for us and enjoy it over there, masha'Allah. We were there about 5 years ago for Eid and it was very memorable. I wish we could have the same type of fun here but since the majority of the country doesn't acknowledge it as a holiday, it is difficult for it to feel like a special day. YKWIM? In the area of Nigeria that my husband is from, Christians and Muslims all celebrate Eid. It is really a nice thing. It makes it feel like the special day it is meant to be.

[Mama Aminah]

Originally Posted by msiddiqi

Walaikumassalam,
Speaking of abayas for little girls, anyone up for a discussion on instilling hayat (sp?) in girls and boys (but girls in particular because of the fact that hijabs are, well, so "different" even in Muslim countries). I just had my second baby, a girl, and now these questions keep swirling around in my head. Some believe we have to force hijab because it's our responsibility but that just doesn't sit well with me and doesn't feel like it does justice to the spirit of Islam. But allahualam. Any thoughts?

I am not exactly sure what hayat is? but I will comment on forcing a girl to wear hijab. I have a little girl and I already see that she wants to wear hijab a lot. I believe that if we lead by example, our children will want to be like us. I haven't really thought much about it however, right or wrong, I think I would force my daughter to wear hijab after she reaches puberty. If, when she becomes an adult, she doesn't want to wear it, I suppose that is her choice. I pray that I don't have to force. It will be taught from a young age that this is what Allah has told women to do. YKWIM?

This is a nice topic for discussion and I look forward to hearing what others have to say about this.

[msiddiqi]

Originally Posted by Mama Aminah

I am not exactly sure what hayat is? but I will comment on forcing a girl to wear hijab. I have a little girl and I already see that she wants to wear hijab a lot. I believe that if we lead by example, our children will want to be like us. I haven't really thought much about it however, right or wrong, I think I would force my daughter to wear hijab after she reaches puberty. If, when she becomes an adult, she doesn't want to wear it, I suppose that is her choice. I pray that I don't have to force. It will be taught from a young age that this is what Allah has told women to do. YKWIM?

This is a nice topic for discussion and I look forward to hearing what others have to say about this.

I haven't looked into the Islamic rulings given on it but I do feel like to force a girl to wear hijab will only take away from her desire to wear one eventually. I hope that by example she will also wear it but if she doesn't, my forcing her will only deter her further from it. What would stop her from taking it off the second she leaves the house? I want her to have a love for it and to do it for Allah's sake... no one else's. But I have talked to some sisters who feel that it is their Islamic duty to force it on their daughters if they do not comply. Have any of you spoken to or read from any reasonable scholars about their opinion on this? (And by reasonable, I just mean someone who is truly objective and is not coming from a cultural perspective over a religious)

[mamefati28]

Originally Posted by msiddiqi

I haven't looked into the Islamic rulings given on it but I do feel like to force a girl to wear hijab will only take away from her desire to wear one eventually. I hope that by example she will also wear it but if she doesn't, my forcing her will only deter her further from it. What would stop her from taking it off the second she leaves the house? I want her to have a love for it and to do it for Allah's sake... no one else's. But I have talked to some sisters who feel that it is their Islamic duty to force it on their daughters if they do not comply. Have any of you spoken to or read from any reasonable scholars about their opinion on this? (And by reasonable, I just mean someone who is truly objective and is not coming from a cultural perspective over a religious)

Nicely said, sister. I totally agree. Especially for the youth here in America.

[mamefati28]

Originally Posted by Mama Aminah

I know what you mean, we always send money to my husband's family in Nigeria for Eid. They slaughter a lamb for us and enjoy it over there, masha'Allah. We were there about 5 years ago for Eid and it was very memorable. I wish we could have the same type of fun here but since the majority of the country doesn't acknowledge it as a holiday, it is difficult for it to feel like a special day. YKWIM? In the area of Nigeria that my husband is from, Christians and Muslims all celebrate Eid. It is really a nice thing. It makes it feel like the special day it is meant to be.

That is how it is for us to. Christains and muslims all coming together peacefully. Senegal has a beautiful history of tolerance. Holidays there are so much more meaningful to me with all of the family.

[mamefati28]

Info on circumcision in the Koran

Would any of you learned sisters know what the Koran says about circumcising? I am open to all knowledge on the matter involving Islam and circumcision, male and female.
Any of you Not have your son circumcised?
TIA.