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Muslim Mamas tribe - Page 77

post #1521 of 1560

If you don't have a lot of time just skip to the real question at the bottom!

OK............Help me out here fellow Muslim Mamas..............

I have been out of hijab for the entire time I've been a mom.

I mean, not entirely, I wear it to the masjid of course. A few other times I have worn it.

I was in hijab when I first got married, and for a year or so before that, I don't recall exactly. It's a long story as to why I took it off, but it wasn't for any good reason, because there just isn't one.

I want to go back to hijab. I have decided that I need to do this to be an example for my kids. How can I expect to raise children who are confident in who they are if I'm not confident in myself?? I was definently more confident in hijab than I am out of it.....and who am I trying to impress, or fit in with? Why do I care about that? If I'm Muslim, and a Muslim is supposed to wear hijab, then right now, do I stop being Muslim every time I walk out the door? Am I only a Muslim while I'm praying, when I'm around other sisters, when I'm at the masjid?

What am I avoiding? Not fitting in? Discrimination? Well, guess what? My kids and my husband don't get to take off their skin when somebody decides they don't like the color of it.

If I am a Muslim, and I believe a Muslim woman is supposed to wear a hijab, which I do, then why would it be right to take it off because somebody else doesn't like it? Just because I happen to, at this point in my life, live in an area where I can take it off and I become the majority and thus I don't have to face discrimination? I don't have to face not fitting in the mommy club? And what exactly does fitting in to the mommy club get me if I'm living a lie to do it?

What does it get me if I have kids who have learned that following rules of Islam is not important?

If it's OK for me to not be in a hijab, then is it OK for my son to drink when he goes to college and is of age? Is it then OK for my daughter to wear miniskirts and belly-baring tops?

OF course it's not.


So, my actual question, after all of that.

What do you wear if you're breastfeeding?! I am having a hard time finding clothing that has easy access. I can nurse a newborn in a sling covered, I know I can, but not if I can't access the 'boo!' I have basically not gone to the masjid with my kids until they're several months old and can go a couple hours without nursing because of this!

(my current baby is past newborn, and rarely nurses away from home anymore, but someday we do want one more I think and if I'm going to spend $ on nice clothes, I don't want to have to scrap it all and buy another wardrobe)

Thanks.
post #1522 of 1560
Good for you for wanting to wear hijab again. Ironically, I took mine off today (long story).

How about an abaya that opens in the front? I always just wear 2 shirts and lift the top one, or sometimes i lift the bottom but that requires a bit more effort.
post #1523 of 1560
Honestly I found the most practical thing for me was just to carry a spare light scarf and use it as a nursing cover, rather than to be worrying about my clothes all the time. The long Egyptian khimars are extremely handy in that respect, but aren't really a look everyone wants to take out as streetwear ... if you're concerned about covering up at the masjid and have a two-piece prayer outfit though -- these kinds, I mean -- they're (obviously) totally setting-appropriate and are very functional.
post #1524 of 1560
Now......help me stick with it!

Day 1 of the "re-covered" experience, and well, nothing happened except my 5 year old suggested I go put on different clothes this morning,
I explained it.

My 2 yr. old said "mashaAllah"

I am basically trying out different outfits to see what I want to wear now as far as clothing. Before, I wore pantssuit things mostly that I bought at a friend's store that was a very short-lived thing, unfortunately.

Now, I think I want mostly American outfits. I don't know I guess because my kids are used to that other than what I've worn to the masjid.

What are you all wearing besides covering your head?? (for those who do)
post #1525 of 1560
With some variation, these days a lot of solid colored long skirts and solid colored turtlenecks and mock turtlenecks ... it's pretty much my uniform for three out of four seasons. I like it because on top of being comfy it's clothes that really just blend in.
post #1526 of 1560
I think that's what I'm looking for, clothes that "blend in" a little more than what I wore before. I have a hard time though finding skirts that don't have slits. I found one black one tonight, also a sweater. Not a turtleneck, I just don't like turtlenecks, not used to that feeling I guess of having something on my neck. where do you find skirts that are long enough and don't have slits?? (maybe I struggle more cause I'm also a size 18 which I am working on too....all in good time)
post #1527 of 1560
Most of my skirts are from Shukr, plus some random odds and ends. Their only flaw, IMO, is that unless you're very tall they tend to be too long and take a hem, which just won't work with some of their styles. Well, and they're not cheap, and their sales can be slim pickings sometimes. But I don't regret spending the money, personally.

Most of my turtlenecks are LL Bean/Land's End type stuff, who usually sell long-sleeved t-shirts in the same colors. I've just always loved the higher necklines as much as you hate them.

Obviously, I like to catalog shop.
post #1528 of 1560
Thread Starter 
me right now...um, just black abayah...black shaylah...black niqab, black and more black...
LOL.
Gotta love variety...

But, if I wasn't in KSA I would wear Shukr-type stuff to work and overgarments everywhere else. I was always an overgarment "girl"...and am down with either Irani manteau, Jordanian jilbabs or Khaleeji abayaat. I think though if you're going for "blend-in" a calf length overgarment of some style paired with baggy trousers would work quite well. You have the length and coverage with a bit of funkyness.

Also I think a lot of the Shukr jilbabs would work fine for blend-in western wear. If u live in a fairly diverse area you can def. get away with a lot more...maybe even some glitsy emiratie abayaat or all-black Saudi style.

Im not really a skirt and shirt person myself...as I said, I always was into overgarments so Id norm. pair them with slim fitting jeans and sneaks and be ready to go...

let us know how things go...
post #1529 of 1560
Thread Starter 
Just throwing this out there

Ive started to wonder why NO women wear anything but black abayaat in this country...seriously...like yes, generally every abayaat sold in the shops IS black, and usually black with some designs...but you can, occasionally find abayaat in muted tones like muave, brown, lilac, etc...

Personally, ive getting rather tired of the all black, black everywhere thing...why dont any women wear brown or hazel or some other color variations? Even in Iran you can see color peaking out from black chadors...

Ive started obsessing about buying this lilac abayaah I saw at Bedoon Essm and wearing it around...but, i'm seriously chicken.

LOL, what do u all think?
post #1530 of 1560
The degree to which you bend the traditions of the local dress is the degree to which you test the boundaries of the mutaween. If no one in your area is wearing other than black, personally I would not consider it a subject regarding which being a ground breaker would be worth the potential hassle.

Still ... if I wanted it I'd probably buy it and wear it at home should I be greeting mixed company guests, or pack it should we be planning a weekend in Jeddah or somewhere else that getting away with flaunting it would be more likely, etc. They are not useless to women who would not wear them on the street where they live ... they are simply not infinitely versatile.
post #1531 of 1560
I see quite a few sisters in black, brown, beige, and sometimes more exciting colored abayat where I live (Minneapolis.) I prefer black - I wore it all the time before I was Muslim, so I love the wide variety of black black and black. That said, I have a pink abaya, a sage green, and a periwinkle one. I just usually feel like wearing black!
post #1532 of 1560
I think I am a skirt person at the very least, an overgarment person more so even. Even though I wore jeans all the time out of hijab without a second thought.
Today, just to experiment with the 'feel' of it, a longish sweater with jeans. And a 2 piece Amirah or whatever they're actually called for the scarf. No. Can't explain it, just doesn't feel right to me, need to be in a skirt or something. I don't know.

I've seen people do it here. it's not me.

I'm starting to question a little being back in hijab at all like if I were to ever for some reason stop again.....what does that say to the kids? Do I just take it off right now and never mess with it again to avoid that? Is it going to be harder on DS and me in his tiny little school that I really think will be good for him??

OK it's normal probably to question a little. I just know that I don't feel right not doing it, see my other post. Maybe it is the thought of DS going to school that got me wanting to practice our religion more at home--more outside influence, needs a strong idea from us of who we are and what Islam is, something like that.

And honestly when it comes right down to it I DO feel it's OBLIGATORY, I don't feel I can argue with that. I've said all this before so I am now going to go to bed rather than keep rambling
post #1533 of 1560
I would just take the hijab thing one day at a time, sis. Speculating too much is gonna stress you out. Rather than anticipating taking it off, just see if you're able to wear it today.
post #1534 of 1560
I agree, just take it one day at a time, and if there come a time when you feel the need to uncover again for whatever reason, then you will cross that bridge when you get there. Also try to remeber that there is so much more to being a good Muslima than whether or not you cover. Even if you decide a few months from now that coverring really isn't for you, as long as you are faithful, and a good teacher of Islam for your son, don't worry about it too much. Allah knows what is in your heart.
post #1535 of 1560
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ammaarah View Post
I would just take the hijab thing one day at a time, sis. Speculating too much is gonna stress you out. Rather than anticipating taking it off, just see if you're able to wear it today.
Ditto that! excellent advice...just do what you can and say doa'a that God makes things easier for you.
post #1536 of 1560
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ammaarah View Post
I see quite a few sisters in black, brown, beige, and sometimes more exciting colored abayat where I live (Minneapolis.) I prefer black - I wore it all the time before I was Muslim, so I love the wide variety of black black and black. That said, I have a pink abaya, a sage green, and a periwinkle one. I just usually feel like wearing black!
You know, thats funny because in the US and in Iran I normally preferred to wear black as well. I liked black abayaat or jilbab or manteau and black scarves of whatever variety I fancied.

But, since coming here to KSA I can honestly say all the black is starting to grate on my nerves. hehehehe...culture shock. LOL...I can't explain why it annoys me, but I think like the lack of choice is what bothers me the most.

if I was able to see women wearing all different colors and styles of overgarment or if there was wider variety of colors in the shops then maybe I wouldn't find black so grating anymore.

Personally I dont know what a mutawwa would have against a lilac abayaah with a black shaylah and niqab...it's just as covered, but hey, who knows... (like they'll tell non-Muslim women to put hijabs on. LOL). I'm not in Riyadh though so the mutawwa presence is pretty minimal, cept for weekend evening in the malls...

Maybe I'll get it for umrah and wear it for Umrah in january. en'shallah.
post #1537 of 1560
Oh, UmmIbrahim, I totally skimmed the last few pages so I didn't realize you are in KSA! That explains it! I thought Liquesce was being facetious when she mentioned the mutawween. I thought she meant the self-appointed mutawween in every community, like the jerk who told a woman I know she shouldn't wear a green abaya (in MINNEAPOLIS!) ROFL. I need more coffee.

ETA: Mutawween = plural of mutawwa, right? Brain hurt this morning.
post #1538 of 1560
Oh, heavens, I HATE whitening creams. In Bangladesh, there was a commercial that played all the time. A beautiful tan woman poses in front of a camera - and the camera BREAKS. Then she uses Fair and Worthy (or whatever cream) and the camera totally works fine. It OUTRAGED me! In a country full of lovely brown and tan people, they take six hours to make up each bride so she looks like Snow White. Makes me sad.


Quote:
Originally Posted by UmmIbrahim View Post
Salaamu aliakum

Spkg of Fair & Lovely...here in KSA Pond's has a VERY popular skin whitening line, in fact almost every single brand I was used to in the states has a skin-whitening line here, there are even foot creams which whiten up the feet and deo which whiten up the underarms.

It's creepy...all the commercials, everything! It's everywhere.
post #1539 of 1560
The crazy thing about those skin lightenning cremes to me is that here in the states, pasty white women are killing themselves to be tan. Why can't people just be happy the way they are?
post #1540 of 1560
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ammaarah View Post
I thought Liquesce was being facetious when she mentioned the mutawween. I thought she meant the self-appointed mutawween in every community, like the jerk who told a woman I know she shouldn't wear a green abaya (in MINNEAPOLIS!) ROFL.
Oh hail no! Those people I cross on a nearly daily basis.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ammaarah View Post
In a country full of lovely brown and tan people, they take six hours to make up each bride so she looks like Snow White. Makes me sad.
I hate that. Hate it. And I especially hate sitting down with a beautiful woman only to have her proudly crack open her wedding photo album and expect to me ooh and aah over page after page of her made up to look like death.
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