Originally Posted by Summertime Mommy
Asalam Alaikum sisters,
I was hoping I could talk to you all about some issues I have been having lately. I haven't been feeling all that spiritual, haven't been keeping up with my prayers, and I am sad to report that my kids have been learning more about Islam at school than they have at home. (and they go to public school!) I know there is a lot of reasons for this, but none of them are that great. So anyway, on Monday, I went to orientation at my university and I saw more women wearing hijabs than I think I have ever seen in one place ever, (I've never stepped foot in a masjid) and I was afraid to even say Salam to them because I felt inferior or something, because I was not covered, in a completely Islamic way. (modest for today's society, not modest for my faith) But when I got home and started thinking about it, I thought, this has got to be some sort of sign from Allah. Why else would there be that many visibly Muslim women around, when on a normal day don't run into any? But still I can't seem to get myself to really get into my faith. All the gusto that I used to have just doesn't seem to be there. I can't even bring myslef to call the sister who used to be a sort of mentor for me. I guess what I am wonderring is, how do I get myslef to find my faith again? I don't know why I am having so much trouble with this. I think in the spring it will be easier for me because I am taking 2 courses in Islam at the university, so I will be forced to study my faith. But, I really don't want to wait until then.
Wa'alaikum Assalam Jennifer:
Your post reminds me of me about ten years ago. I sort of reverted on my own via reading the Qur'an a few years prior... didn't cover.. and was kind of a closet Muslim. When I was in grad school, I started seeing Muslimahs (I knew they were Muslimahs because they wore hijab
)... and felt so weird. Like, do I say Salam? Am I even pronouncing it correctly? Will they think... what's this chic doing saying Salam to me?? All sorts of things. I didn't do anything for two years... and then when I moved after grad school, I came out of the Muslim closet so to speak.
I do think Allah(swt) does put things like this in our path for a reason. I also know what it's like to slip away from one's faith for awhile. BUT, it can be so easy to renew the love of Islam and your practice.
Are you praying at all? If not, pick one prayer (fajr is shortest, but is not always easiest for some people)... and commit to praying it just for today/tomorrow (depending on when you see this.) BUT... really really try to focus. Really try to be conscious of every moment... in your wudu... in your salat...everything. Take time. Maybe make ghusl beforehand if it's been awhile since youv'e prayed... make sure your prayer area is extra clean... choose your favorite prayer rug... your favorite hijab (after all, you're praying to Allah! It should be your nicest one
)... and try this.
Tomorrow's Friday. Try try try to go to Jummah prayer. If you can't, find a khutbah on youtube.com that you can listen to... Hamza Yusuf, Yusuf Estes, whomever you like. Find something inspirational.
Most importantly... ask Allah(swt) for help!! Make du'a. Tell Allah(swt) that you seem to have lost your practice and your faith. Ask Allah(swt) to help you! Pour out your heart. Be honest about your struggles.
Get into nature. For me, that always reminds me of the wonder of Allah(swt)'s creation.
Do something for somebody else. Why not go to the HOliday Helper thread.
There are just under two weeks until Eid. Maybe make out a path you can take... sort of like your own mini-hajj... over the next 13 days towards renewing your faith. It can be small things...but be consistent.
Friday Attend Jummah
Saturday Listen to Qur'an Beautiful recitation with ENGLISH (yipee) at http://real21mt.audiovideoweb.com/ra...sufi_040514.rm
Sunday Get out into nature with kids. Pray in nature.
Monday Pray fajr totally conscious. Journal about the experience.
Tuesday Pray fajr totally conscious. Do something nice on the Holiday Helper thread.. or arrange to volunteer at a local soup kitchen.
Wed. Pray fajr. Today... be totally conscious whenever you say Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim... example... you are about to eat... instead of just mumbling Bismillah out of habit... think of what you're saying. "In the Name of God, the Most Merciful, the Most Gracious"... what does that mean?? Can you even imagine it? Who is the most merciful, kindest person you have ever heard of? Ever? Allah(swt) is more merciful than that. Kinder than that. Etc.
Thurs. Pray fajr. Read some ahadith qudsi. Write down your favorite and post it where you can see it (mirror?)http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamen...dithqudsi.html