unhappy with OB

[maisiedotes]

I had a midwife for my last pregnancy, and because I lost him and am considered high risk, if I had a midwife I would also have to see an OB as well. I decided not to go back to the midwife because of the way she treated me. I go to the same medical group to the head of the OB department. She is a very good doctor, highly regarded and very "tell it like it is". However, she does not give me options. Like, with tests. She tells me I have to have this particular test to see if I am at risk for having an autistic child. I forget what it is called. I told her I don't want it and she said I really should have it. I once again said no and she said "well there are alot of false positives but you would want to be prepared emotionally if anything were to come up." It makes me so mad. I also have 15 minutes with her and she does not remember me from one visit to the next. I want to scream.

At this stage of the game I don't want to switch doctors but I am concerned that I will have a bad experience when I have the baby. What can I do? I don't even know if she will follow my birth plan or let me do a water birth... :

[Mahre]

Wow! How horrible. Do you really want to trust your birth story out come with a doctor like that? You are in charge of your body and your birth!

[sorteep]

ummmm, as far as I know there is absolutely NO prenatal (or postnatal) tests for autism... I know some docs are testing SnIPS (of DNA) for possible at risk kids but it is FAR from a "test for autism" .. I would LOVE details on the test/s she is referring to??? OH, and you CAN refuse ANYTHING you want to.. esp if the test would not in any way chg the decisions you would make for the pgcy?? children as young as 9 mos (or even younger) can be screened for autism or risk of spectrum disorders and dealth with at that poing if needed.. you are the boss, and you CAN say no.. no matter what she says. she works for YOU.. many hugs, stand firm..

[crunchywannabe]

mama-I am so sorry, and I would totally start calling around and finding someone else

the good thing is, you can "interview" your potential OB....call them and MOST will offer a free appt to interview the doctor so you can decide

then you can ask your questions, see how they answer-and see if you are a good fit.

((hug))

[GinaRae]

You don't want a homebirth midwife? Usually you can find one who will work with you without an OB, even with your history, but the CNM's won't. I'm sorry, I am flaky... you may have already told us you won't or can't do a HB.

I am SO sorry you have to deal with this woman! I really really implore you to try to find someone else who is kinder, gentler and who remembers you. Another OB if you have to and be straight up with them when you describe why you want to switch. You're not being treated well, and their reaction to how you're being treated will hopefully indicate a kinder soul.

The main point in all of this is, you deserve better. You should have better. And I worry about your stress as you head into biweekly appointments and impending birth with this doc and your history on top of the usual stress over births!

[scheelimama]

It sounds to me like you should consider switching OB's. Are you sure she'll be there for the birth? If she doesn't even remember you at this point, why stay with her. I hate it when dr's argue with me when I clearly state what I want. She'll be the same way when you are in labor and you'll have less resolve to fight her on the issues that come up.

[boogiemonster]

I totally agree with the PPs. I'm normally pretty outspoken and thought I would be in labour too, but, as it turns out, I went into my cave and just let them probe and poke me any old way they wanted. I learned that I needed to surround myself with like-minded people so that I wouldn't need to stand up for myself since they were unlikely to convince me to do anything out of my comfort zone. Think about how you'll feel with your doc when you're in labour and really vulnerable. Then decide how comfortable you are with that.

[Googy]

There actually IS a prenatal test for autism risk, believe it or not, but it is still under development and I have not seen any stats released as to how accurate it even is. A lot of people are really up in arms over this test--it is very controversial for reasons I can discuss if you wish--I don't know how worked up we want to get about it on this board. In summary, though, I would NOT get this test!!!

Please bear in mind that NO doctor can force you to do ANYTHING you don't want to do. This is your body and your baby. If your doctor can respect that, fine, but if she can't, I'd find a new OB.

[maisiedotes]

I think it was actually a test for the chromosome or something to see if I was at risk for having an autistic child. If it came back positive the next step would be an amnio. aargh. And I don't know if she will be there for the delivery- she would be if she is the scheduled doctor but if not it would be whomever is working that night.

I would love to have only a midwife but because of my previous loss they won't allow me to go thar route. It is the only hospital in the area so I think I am going to have to go to that office... I know I am in knowledgable hands with her and I feel confident that if anything is wrong she will catch it, but things are just not going exactly the way I pictured them in my mind.

The bottom line is I want to have a healthy, living baby no matter what it takes to get her. I gotta do some thinking... my insurance bites the big one and I don't even know if I can find another provider around here that is covered...

[greenmountainmomma]

Sorry you're having to deal with this. Ideally, everyone should have a medical provider that they like so you don't have that stress going into the birth. It does sound like you respect her medical expertise, and that it's important to you.

One thing to keep in mind (and I'm not sure about this b/c I delivered with a midwife last time) is that you'll spend most of the time in labor with the nurses, not the OB. So you may have to deal with her only at the end. Have you considered having a Doula at the birth who would know your birth plan and can be your advocate?

[melissakc]

It sounds like you feel trapped into using this doctor. If you really feel that you can't switch, how about hiring a doula? Then she can be your advocate and can take some of the pressure off while you are in labor. If cost is an issue, there may be some doulas in training near you who need to do a few births for free or half-price as they complete their training. It sounds like the doctor is going to need someone to make her listen to you, and with your history I bet your next labor will be full of difficult emotions for you. I have a close friend who lost a baby at 39 weeks and her next birth was much more complicated emotionally than I could ever imagine. Big hugs to you!

[*GreenMama*]

I'm in agreement with the other posters. Its not too late to switch to an ob or midwife you're comfortable with. You can at least check other ones out and interview them, and at the worst case stick with the one you're with if you don't click with any others. Your current ob need never know that you're considering your options until you just have your care signed over. That's what I did when I switched from an ob to my midwife during the last pregnancy.

I'm so sorry about your DS. I can't imagine how emotional it is for you. If you do stick with this ob, would you consider hiring a doula? At least that would mean someone else there with a level head who can help you and dp advocate for yourselves.

Last, if you do interview other birth professionals you'd be wise to write down all your questions and concerns regarding the birth and to talk with them about it at the interview. That way there is no mistaking what you're looking for and whether or not the professional will be a good match for you and your family.

Good luck mama!

[wwisdomskr]

You deserve better, Mama.

Please tell me if I'm out of line...but, I invite you to consider that more medical technology and intervention in the US has not improved our infant mortality rate...in fact they--or rather their blanket, non-evidence-based use--have made it so much worse...

This is not to say that there are not times when we need it...and you and your baby may need it. How would *I* know?

I wish you peace and the respectful care that you and your baby deserve.

[Googy]

Under your circumstances, I think the idea of keeping your OB but hiring a doula may be a great one. Having someone there at the birth who can be a strong advocate could be really helpful, since you and DH may be a bit too busy with other things to really stand up for yourselves!

Please keep in mind that there is NO point of having the autism screening and subsequent amnio done unless you plan to terminate the pregnancy if your daughter is at risk for autism. I have no idea how you personally feel about this (and do not want to get into a political discussion on the topic), but really that is the only reason for the screening. So, this is an easy test to say no to if you want to, since having this test has nothing to do with the overall health or viability of your daughter. I can send you links of info on the test if you want.

[Isaac'sMa]

Originally Posted by Googy

Under your circumstances, I think the idea of keeping your OB but hiring a doula may be a great one. Having someone there at the birth who can be a strong advocate could be really helpful, since you and DH may be a bit too busy with other things to really stand up for yourselves!

Since it sounds like you feel stuck with this OB and truly may not have any other options...Please hire a doula. Or if money is an issue, get a friend to be your doula (preferably one who will have no problem standing up to a Dr. and has some medical education and/or is willing to do a lot of reading/research before-hand) You deserve a good birth experience and you and your baby deserve a gentle birth!

[sorteep]

Originally Posted by Googy

There actually IS a prenatal test for autism risk, believe it or not, but it is still under development and I have not seen any stats released as to how accurate it even is. A lot of people are really up in arms over this test--it is very controversial for reasons I can discuss if you wish--I don't know how worked up we want to get about it on this board. In summary, though, I would NOT get this test!!!
.

I am assuming they are referring to teh Snip panel of chromosomes including MTHFR and others (there are about 12 of them) that have poss been linked to a possible risk of developing autism.. you can be homozygous or heterozygous for each trait (homo being higher risk since you would have 2 copies of the "Faulty" gene) several of the gene pathways are involved in methylation (heavy metal detoxification liver pathways) and some are enzyme pathways (also involved in detox) This is FAR FAR from a "genetic test for autism".. it is just a screen for possible "at risk" kids.. valuable as a post natal test but as prenatal?? it scares me a bit.. (and we are at high risk) I was considering it as a postnatal test but it is very $$ and we are avoiding anything we are aware of that even *might* trigger a kids predisposition to ASD.. for the record, my neice tests homozygous for one of the 12 and heterozugous for 9 others (this is VERY high # and she is placed at VERY hi risk accoring to the test) she expresses NO symptoms of autism at three yrs (never vaxed.. BF, no drugs, natural living , great nutrition etc..) anyway, it is a useful tool but MUST be interpreted with extreme caution at this point... (sorry to hijack thread but I think it is important..) I can post links if anyone wants to PM me for them

[sorteep]

Originally Posted by Googy

I can send you links of info on the test if you want.

yes pls!! would love to see if it is the same panel I am familiar with..thanks

[maisiedotes]

Thank you all so much. I know things are not always "ideal" and that if there was any risk to the baby I would say "do what you have to do!" because my ultimate goal is to bring my daughter home. I am going to look into a doula. I am also going to make an appointment to talk to my doctor about exactly what I want and what is feasible for me. It is hard with a high-risk pregnancy- struggling with what I want and wondering if every decision I make is risky. *sigh*

Thank you all again!