We *really* want to adopt from China, BUT. . .

[lexbeach]

We're gay.

Is it possible to trick the system (a.k.a. the Chinese government) and adopt from China as a lesbian? Dp and I have both always planned on adopting from China; me since I was 8, and Dp since she came out at 15. I was devastated when China decided that gay adoptions were no longer allowed. Dp and I both dream in our sleep about our baby from China, and often find ourselves saying, "and when we have our little girl. . . "

But, is it just hopeless?

TIA!
Lex

[EFmom]

Lexbeach, dh and I have adopted from China twice, and I was deeply saddened when China changed the rules to explicitly disallow gay people from adopting. There are several gay couples and singles in our local China adoption support group, and they are fabulous parents.

Whether or not you can do it is probably up to you. But, your social worker will ask you in your homestudy. It's their job to make sure that people meet the qualifications of the country they plan to adopt from. Maybe, if you hunt around you can find a gay or gay-friendly social worker who will help you trick the Chinese authorities. You will have to provide an affidavit stating that you are not gay. Your references may be contacted to substantiate that you are not gay. Maybe you can pull all that off.

Personally, I would not try to lie to meet the requirements of the sending country. Whether or not I like or agree with the rules, I believe the sending country does have every right to set those rules. There are countries that dh and I were disqualified from because of our religion, our ages and even my weight to name a few. Other countries have rules about the number of children you have in the house, whether or not a parent stays home or what your income levels are.

I see a few problems with trying to beat the system. Do you really want to have your adoption based on your ability to lie? I don't think that's a good basis for a relationship. At some point, your child will know that you lied to the Chinese authorities. The adoption community tends to be very close knit, and given the ton of publication about adoption from China, I don't see how they would NOT know eventually.

You also might have an impact on future adoptions. There is a lot of speculation that one of the reason China has greatly reduced the number of adoptions it allows to single parents is that they worried that people were circumventing their rules regarding sexual orientation. Maybe that would bother you or maybe it wouldn't.

There are other countries that do not inquire about sexual orientation.

[Dragon]

I agree with the above. Don't try to lie or beat a country's rules about adoption. I sympathize greatly, and I wish that more countries had more liberal laws/rules about same-sex adoption. But I know that international adoptions from Vietnam (where my first daughter was born) were jeopardized because some people were rather vocal about being gays/lesbians who had adopted from that country.

I have a suggestion for you, though: contact a few agencies who do adoptions from China, and ask about disrupted adoptions. It is a very sad fact that a small number of adoptions are disrupted some time after the family returns to their home country with their new child. Since the adoption is finalized in China, if you were to adopt the child after they are in the U.S. (or wherever you live ), it would proceed as a domestic adoption.

Of course you'd have to be prepared for a lengthy wait, not to mention adopting a child who has been through the trauma of a disrupted adoption. And you'd want to thoroughly research the reasons for the disruption, and be prepared to deal with some attachment issues or other special needs. But if your heart is set on a daughter from China - and who can blame you, mine is too - this might be a way to go about it.

[Miss Kitty]

I can totally empathize with your situation. DH and I would love to adopt overseas, and many of the countries we consider won't allow us due to our age.

I would not recommend being dishonest in any form as it may lead to China closing it's borders to our adoptions altogether. Other countries have done it for far less reason.