What did you do with DS1/DD1 during labor?

[stanswife]

We've decided to have a home birth, but I'm not sure what that's going to look like with my high-needs-but-improving DS. He'll be 20 months or so and last time I had a 40 hour labor. Sooo hoping for a shorter time of it this time, but you never know what to expect.

Most likely my MIL will be here to watch him, but that's not going to be ideal as she can be overbearing and she's older, so I'm not sure she can really keep up with him, especially if it's a longer labor. He can be rather intense. In fact, we've tried to get her not to come, but she's convinced we will need help and we may. I was just really hoping for a serene babymoon this time. She was here for the last birth and seemed to think that after a few days I should be up and at 'em cooking dinner for everyone, I carried him too much, I should go out for a bit and leave him with her,etc. Farm-girl previous generation mentality, kwim? She really does love us, not to paint too negative a picture, but she is who she is.

Anyway, probably rambling, but what did you guys do or wish you'd done? What did you do with your kids during labor/birth, and what did you find you needed afterwards? I've been warned by my mw that I'll need someone after to fetch things: food, supplies, etc. and won't want hubby to leave most likely. Were you able to prepare adequately so that you didn't need stuff like that after? TIA!

[scheelimama]

Last time, dd1 was 18 months at the time of dd2's birth. We dropped her off at a friends house around midnight. She stayed the night with them and they took her to church and then brought her back to us after church (around noon). We were only at the birth center about about 5-6 hours total. I did most of my laboring at home and dd was asleep from 8 or 9 p.m. on, I didn't have too intense of contractions before that. I guess we had it pretty easy.

I would do the same thing this time, but dd1 had made it very clear that she intends to be at the birth. I'm thinking of hiring a doula for the kids, I'm going to ask my mw about this possibility at my next appt. We're again going to a birth center. I'm really not sure what I'll do yet, since we have no family around and dh may or may not be here. But even if he is, I don't want him having to tend to the kids, I want him to be there for me.

[StacieM]

When I had my second, we brought my oldest to the hospital with us. Then after my dd was born and my in-laws went home, they took my oldest dd with them. With my 3rd, we dropped the older two off with the in-laws who were going to try to come (and bring the kids) to the delivery, but they took too long getting ready and weren't going to make it in time, so they all went back to sleep and came later in the day with the kids. They usually come back the next day to visit too and bring the kids with them.

With my son, my SIL was home from out of state (at my in-laws house) and it just so happened that the night I went into labor, she took them to my in-laws to sleep over. We called her when we left for the hospital, but they still showed up after the delivery. They only stayed a little while because it was like 3 o'clock in the morning and the nurses were saying that all the kids were making too much noise. So my SIL took them back home to my in-laws and they went to sleep and came back later.

We'll probably do something similar again since we're actually moving back in with my in-laws temporarily while we sell our house and get a new one...so we'll be living there anyway and the kids will be with someone there while DH and I go in for delivery....unless it's day time in which, someone (MIL or SIL) will come along and we'll probably bring all the kids, but then they'll go home when my in-laws go home and come back to visit whenever my in-laws decided they want to come visit.

[sorteep]

last time DS1 was 10 and he stayed with a neighbor who got him to school in the morning.. DH picked him up part way thru school and brought him to the hospital to see us on his way to taking him to the airport to spend xmas with his Dad.. (didn't think we were going to sneak the birth in B4 he had to leave!) DH brought MIL too and she stayed with me while DH made the airport run.. then he came back and took MIL home and then came back and stayed with me.. then we came home

this time DS1 (16) will be on duty for Evan, we have neighbors and MIL as back up if we need it.. we will play it by ear to see if they come to the birth ctr or we just come home, depends on teh day/ time and how I feel and how long I stay at TBC.. Jay drives so we have a lot of flexibility.. he can pick up MIL on the way too .. I don't think anyone else will come to TBC except *maybe* my former assistant/ good friend all depends... I need to make my call chain list...

[AKmomof2+1inNov]

This is my first home birth so I'm interested in what others have to say, but my plan right now is to have my mom who's coming for the month watch the kids here. She is very needy and not a support person for me at all, but she is good with the kids. And she lives so far away, that when she comes she says a long time. But I'm sure she will be great at helping with housework and dinner's and I do miss her so I am looking forward to her visit. Well everything, but the crying spells and the guilt trips!!!

[strawberryfields08]

I am in the same type of situation and I am still unsure what to do as well. We are home birthing again and DD is VERY attached to mommy. I thought she would do well being here with us but she hates it when I go to the MW or when she thinks I am hurt (DH wrestles around with me a lot, gently, but she gets scared) She will only be 21 mo and I know she will not be able to be away from me, she can't even stay away for a few hours without it turning into a whole ordeal. At this point I am thinking she will just have to be here, which I want her to be, and I will have a few different people who can rotate keeping her busy(Sister in law and brother in law and mom and mother in law) that way DH can be with me. I just don't know how she will react to me being in labor and I can just imagine that she is going to cry for me and want to be nursed while I am having contractions : She is not one to take no or wait too well. So I wish I knew more to help you out but I think I am in the same boat. Crossing my fingers that 1. She starts sleeping more than an hour at a time during the night so that 2. I can go into labor at night and 3. She can wake up to a new baby! I can dream can't I!

[boogiemonster]

This is a very timely thread. I'm going to a birthing centre to deliver this babe, but planning on labouring at home with our doula as long as possible. My mother will be around to devote her full attention to DD. I was initially going to leave DD at home when I went to the centre, but, after talking to a woman in my prenatal group, I've been thinking about maybe having her there. This mama said that it really helped her DD bond with the new baby, and that it was really memorable for her. I guess she left the room for about five minutes during the really intense period, but came right back in as soon as her DS had arrived. The centre is totally okay with kids being there. I'm still trying to get a straight answer from DH about this. Anyone have experiences like this to share? My DD will be 2 years 2.5 months when the new guy comes along.

[vaughnmama]

DS saw baby born at birthing center

We brought our 2 year old son with us to the birthing center. MIL hung out with him. He came and went in and out of the room as he pleased during labor, and he witnessed his baby brother being born. He was great, MIL said he only seemed to get a little nervous once when I got REALLY loud, and he bonded with the baby from the very beginning. They are such buddies now, 2 years later. We are planning a homebirth in the Spring, MIL does not live here though, we moved away. I don't really want anyone around me this time, except DH, not even a MW. So I don't know who I'm going to ask to hang out with my 2 boys. We have no friends or family here yet. I like one of the other ladies' ideas about hiring a doula to watch the kids...If she would...and if I could afford it...???

[crunchywannabe]

well. DS 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 were all there at my last birth in the hospital. (they were there the previous 2 births also) but I also knew that with my labor history and birthing history that my inductions would be extremely fast-and they were.
If I were to be laboring a very long time, I'd probably arrange for a friend to meet us down there to take them out for awhile and let them run around to get there energy out, but there is no way I'd make them miss the birth of their sibling.