Any radical unschoolers here? - Page 13

[mama in the forest]

?

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by gassadi

One of my dearest friends is very mainstream and thinks that I need to do a lot more "assertive" parenting with ds. She seems to catch him when we've been on the road for six hours with a crying baby and grumpy dh, so of course, he's frazzled and lets it out in a kid's way ... being crabby and honest "I am hungry. NOW"

I've had similar experiences with some of my own friends and family. And with some children, it doesn't even have to be a 6-hour road-trip: it can just be the presence of these critical people that brings out the worst, ya know?

[AngelBee]

I think I have to start over and reread the thread. I am getting confused! :

[AngelBee]

And I killed the thread :

[UnschoolnMa]

It livesss....:

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa

It livesss....:

Thanks for breathing some life back in

[mama in the forest]

It livesss....

Interesting - I just googled 'radical unschooling' and turns out there is quite a bit of controversy between those who choose to talk about how it's defined. I'm betting this isn't news to everyone but it was to me. Some strong emotions out there!

[AngelBee]

now you have me curious. Off to google....

[SagMom]

Originally Posted by mama in the forest

Interesting - I just googled 'radical unschooling' and turns out there is quite a bit of controversy between those who choose to talk about how it's defined. I'm betting this isn't news to everyone but it was to me. Some strong emotions out there!

Well, judging by the huge controversy over how "unschooling" is defined, I'm not surprised that defining "radical unschooling" would cause a stir.

Sometimes I like to debate definitions because it causes me to examine what I'm doing and why. And those discussions sometimes lead me to change things that aren't quite in alignment with the life I want to live, kwim?

But, other times, I just want to chat with people who "get it" without having to explain WHY I don't force a bedtime, or make my kids take math tests, or tell them they can't watch tv because they did something I didn't like, etc.

[transformed]

Originally Posted by radiantorganics

Forgive me if I am not posting in the correct place. I am relatively new to this forum.

We are an unschooling family with two boys, 5 & 1 yo. I would love to connect with others who are also unschooling with a 'radical' twist. For those who do not know what this means, it is applying the unschooling philosophy to all areas of life- for example, no bed time, no food restrictions, etc. Kids self-regulate themselves (as we adults wish we could do better..."don't have that extra piece of cake...but I want it...ahhh! why can't you listen to me, self?"). KWIM?

best,
jenn

I daydream about things like this! I am subbing! I assume that if ds was tired he would just go to bed but I have found again and again that is not the case! (He thinks he is missing out on all the fun.) :-)

SUB!

Jenny

[Birth&Bunnies]

Dh says that dd is going to school next year! I totally don't want her too, but it's his kid too. At least he is still going to screen the school and teachers and pick a decent one. She will probably really like it, as she loves other kids and they keep her busier than I can. He says just elementary, she can go back to Unschooling for the rest of the time and for the next 13 months.

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by transformed

I daydream about things like this! I am subbing! I assume that if ds was tired he would just go to bed but I have found again and again that is not the case!

Do you do anything to sort of "create an atmosphere conducive to sleep"?

Esp when my son was younger, if it seemed that he was tired or it was "time" for bed, i would lay down with him(when he was nursing, of course, at that time we'd nurse to sleep)but usually this involved turning out the big light and putting on the little reading light, me reading several chapters from the book we were reading, rubbing his back, maybe singing to him. I'd do this guided imagery thing that really helped, just paint a scene with words ("You're lying on a beach...the sun is warm on your face...you can hear the crashing of the waves...the crashing...the crashing...the sun is so warm...and you're so sleepy, so sleepy")using a rhythmic, repetitive voice....if he was truly tired at that time he'd drift off to sleep.

If he wasnt tired, no amount of doing this would get him to go to sleep, so he would just get back up and do some sort of quiet activity til he felt like going to sleep. Sometimes that was lying in bed with me watching a DVD on the laptop while *I* went to sleep, sometimes it was me creating a 'nest' on the living room floor with a dvd so he could lay there with something to do until sleep came.

But this usually occurred at his naturally occuring "bedtime", not some arbitrary time i picked, where i would send him off to bed at 8pm and i would go to bed hours later. Now that he is almost 11, i don't really need to do alot of that sleep prep, he just goes to bed when he feels like it.

How old is your son?


Katherine

[transformed]

my son is 4. we have a "bedtime routine" , We started it when he stopped nursing to sleep at age 2 1/2 and for the most part it works well-but-latley he has been wanting to "hang out with us" rather than go to sleep at this time. I love my little guy but I will go nuts if I dont have my alone time with dh to vent and talk and reconnect-we dont see that much of eachother.

[transformed]

I have a question for everyone. Who here is a radical unschooler with a totally straight lined, traditional husband? My dh pretty much wants me to do a "public school" type of thing at home. I would rather unschool completley.

[Birth&Bunnies]

I'm very AP, vegetarian, non-vaxing, so on and so on. My Dh is a wonderful man and over all has been very accommodating to my growing crunchiness. He alone would not likely have done so many of the things that I do. He rarely asks me to take dd to the Dr and didn't mind the Unschooling when I started learning about it. We aren't Radical Unschoolers, but I think we are pretty different than the average family. So it's not his thing, but mine.

[Softheart]

I have successfully influenced dh towards radical unschooling--he was into it for the school stuff, but the parenting parts were more of a stretch. But now that he sees how great it's worked out--dd happily announcing that she's off to bed of her own accord, etc--he is grateful to me (and I'm just a bit smug about it I admit lol!).

[UnschoolnMa]

My Dh was terrified of unschooling. Well, less terrified and more wierded out by how "against the norm" it was. He has really come around, but he still has freak outs occasionally. They get less and less as the kids get older though. He can see that unschooling is really good stuff.

[SagMom]

Originally Posted by transformed

I have a question for everyone. Who here is a radical unschooler with a totally straight lined, traditional husband?

I've always had the "out there" ideas, while ds has been very traditional and likely to counter with a "this is the way it's always been done" argument. I know I sort of freak him out sometimes.

Some things are "deal breakers" and some things aren't. To me, being respectful of our kids and them having freedom to control their own lives is a biggie.

Dh is at work long hours, so honestly, most stuff is worked out between me and the kids. There have been some bumpy times when he HAS been home more often and had to sort of assimilate back into the way we do things. I remember one time in particular where he asked the kids to do something and they asked "why?" (Not in a mean or challenging way, just curious.) He told them, "Because I'm your father and I said so." And the kids just sort of looked at him like he was from another planet. We laughed about it later, but I think, because he's not here all the time, it's easier for him to fall back into the way he was parented.

[mammal_mama]

My dh is partly, but not yet completely, on board with radical unschooling. He's definitely supportive of homeschooling, though, and sees how much our daughters are teaching themselves.

It's been an interesting journey for me. I started out as an unschooler who strictly limited tv and computer time. Now I realize that I was saying I wanted my children to direct their own learning, when really I wanted to make sure their only available choices were within the range of what I'd choose for them.

I felt so smug and superior when "other people's kids" wanted to spend hours watching tv and playing computer games. I felt good about "making" my kids be more "resourceful" than that; I felt my kids were more creative than everyone else's.

I thought critically of one of my friends who, when their computer was down, took her kids to the library every day so they could get on the computers and get their "game-fix." Now I see that lady as very much in-tune with her children, and committed to meeting their needs.

Of course, now that I've quit limiting, I get that smug feeling for the reverse reasons. I guess feeling smug and superior is just my personal bogeyman I'll always have to deal with .

What helped me realize I that needed to start learning to trust my children completely, was lots and lots of online reading -- here, the radical unschooling site called "Joyfully Rejoicing," the TCS site. I like reading and conversations that turn my brain upside down and make me rethink everything on a pretty regular basis.

I don't think my dh gets the same enjoyment of this. But he is glad I stopped limiting the tv and computer games. He's a visual media kinda guy.

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by SagMom

Well, judging by the huge controversy over how "unschooling" is defined, I'm not surprised that defining "radical unschooling" would cause a stir.

Sometimes I like to debate definitions because it causes me to examine what I'm doing and why. And those discussions sometimes lead me to change things that aren't quite in alignment with the life I want to live, kwim?

But, other times, I just want to chat with people who "get it" without having to explain WHY I don't force a bedtime, or make my kids take math tests, or tell them they can't watch tv because they did something I didn't like, etc.

Me too.