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I'm a failure - Page 2

post #21 of 47
Momma! Don't feel bad, you are doing your best. Keep trying, it will get better! And like the recent article in Mothering, if bfing is so important to you, not doing it could complicate your ppd.

Hugs & kisses to you & your new babe. You ARE NOT a failure! You are just a mom trying your damndest. That alone is a success.
post #22 of 47
are you using ice packs or hot compresses on your nipples? that may help the post nursing pain! gerber makes special ice/hot compresses especally for your breasts.....

hang in there the first few months of breastfeeding really can suck!
post #23 of 47

Morale support - no BTDT and no advice

I am so sorry. I wish I had something helpful to say. I did at least want you to know what an amazing Mom you are for hanging in there as well as you are.

I hope it gets easier.
post #24 of 47
post #25 of 47
I am sorry that you are having such a rough time. But it can and will get easier. My son and I had the worst start ever. He didn't actually nurse until he was 6 days old, and it was with a shield (I do not have inverted nipples, just very small nipples). And boy did it hurt. I used to have to have a pillow to clutch while he latched, and it hurt the entire nursing, for a good two months!! We got rid of the shield after a few weeks, and that was tough, too. One day I just didn't use it, b/c it made the pain worse. It took him over an hour to decide to latch without it. Lansinoh helped a lot, I'd smear it on before and after each nursing, and I did a lot of airing out my nips. That is a HUGE help. Also, soaking them in saline water honest to goodness helps. When we were in the worst of it, I felt so guilty for not nursing him b/c I was in pain, I hated giving him formula (we did 25-50% formula/ebm/breast for the first 2 months). If I was in extreme pain, I alternated feedings like I'd do the breast for one, then pump/formula for the next. It was pure hell, I quit every single day! I was so full of guilt every time I gave him a bottle, whether it was formula or ebm, and it made me so cranky and mean. What made it easier was 1) give my nipples time to heal (I actually have permanent tissue damage to the right) and 2) deal with the guilt feeling. Bottles aren't wrong or evil, neither is formula. Breast is best, BUT your mental health is more important to baby then the breast. Once I stopped feeling such horrible guilt, and once my nipples healed for the most part, it was so easy to go to the breast 100% of the time. I'd recommend going to some LLL meetings for local support if you have none, it helped me a lot to be around other nursing moms and hearing their stories. And maybe see the LC again and have her show you how to latch him, not just do it for you, without the shield. You CAN do this. You are not a failure. Breastfeeding isn't easy. I wish you the best of luck. What kept me from quitting was 1) cost 2) benefits to baby and 3) everyone telling me that it would NOT be like that forever, it would get easier.
post #26 of 47
Hugs to you - I have the same issues with inverted nipples and tremendous breastpain.

I hope it gets (for both of us) very very soon. I am tremendously discouraged with breastfeeding at the moment.
post #27 of 47
post #28 of 47
Do what you can, and don't kick yourself about the rest of it. : You're already doing much more than most women would.
post #29 of 47
I'm sorry. I don't have any magic advice. I just remember the pain and the scabbed over nipples that broke open everytime DS1 nursed, and it just makes me want to cry, 6 1/2 years later. We ended up making it through, but Maude only knows how. It sucks to start cryign when you think your baby might be hungry, because it means you have to nurse him.

Anyhow, hang in there, and do what you can.

Have you tried these:


I wish I had know about them when DS1 was little. I tried them for a little scab I got with DS2 when we fell asleep with a bad latch on night 2 or so, and it was gone within 24 hours. It would probably take longer if you nipples are as bad as they sound, but it might help, and it felt better right away. I think my husband picked them up at Rite-Aid, and I think I've also seen them at Target.
post #30 of 47
Originally Posted by pookel View Post

Right now my plan is to keep pumping until the sores heal and then try to work up my nerve to get him to latch again. One of the LCs is going to call Monday and try to work with me on it.
I think that's a good idea if the pain is just too bad. Don't beat yourself up for not being "tough enough." Just take it one step at a time. If you need to heal your nipples right now then do that.
post #31 of 47
I am so sorry you're having so much trouble. Try not to feel too bad about it and just take it day by day. I had lots of problems BFing with my first so I know what you are going through mentally. I haven't had the problems with flat nipples so I can't help you there, but I did have a cracked nipple once and it was painful to nurse. This website had a lot of good information on it: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/...lehealing.html. Maybe something in there will help you (although most of the advice in there has already been given).

Originally Posted by mkmb129 View Post
Also, soaking them in saline water honest to goodness helps.
mkmb129 brought up the saline rinse idea. I was thinking that might help you. It helped heal my cracked nipple pretty quickly.

I also wanted to say that even if you go the route of pumping until your breasts are healed, all is not lost. You may be able to coax your baby back to the breast. I actually pumped for 1 month before we successfully established a BFing relationship.

Good luck and keep us posted.
post #32 of 47
Oh, mama! Your story sounds very similiar to mine. My DD had a horrible latch that left with immense soreness and compression stripes, I had to stop BFing and pump while they healed. Everytime I would try to feed it hurt too badly. But, you know what, I got help from a LC in my home and we were able to persevere. At six months we have a beautiful BFing relationship. Please don't give up and be gentle with yourself.

post #33 of 47
Originally Posted by Sage72380 View Post
You are NOT a failure. You are an awesome mom doing your very best for your baby.

I too have flat nipples. I used a shield for 2.5 months with DD. I hated the shield. I hated the LC that gave it to me prematurely. I felt like my body wasn't good enough. However, I didn't have sore nipples (until I weaned from the shield).

I suggest sticking with the shield until you're ready to try without. Cover your nips with lanolin, put the shield on, and nurse your baby. Use soothes and such for your nips. Pump when you just can't take it. Get BF well established. Get your milk supply established. Love your beautiful new babe.

Once you aren't having such a hard time, once you feel better, your nipples are healed, your milk supply is established, and you feel emotionally prepared to spent some time transitioning, then work on weaning off of the shield. By then your nipples will be a bit more elastic and pulled out, your babe will have a larger mouth and more head control to help out, and things should be better.

I really hated the nipple shield. I don't think it's a great first line of defense, but in your position, I think it's probably the best way to go. Cross the bridge of weaning from the shield later.

You can do this. Good luck. We're all rooting for you.
i'M GOING TO SECOND THIS ADVICE. oh sorry for caps! i used a shield with my dd1,for 3 months worked hard to wean her from iot & she nursed until her 3rd birthday. take it one day at a time ,mama & do not beat yourself up! also just so you know my ds2 is 2weeks5 days and we are having a rough go at nursing- it is hard and Ive nursed all my children exclusively(currently tandem with my 2 yo!) !!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!:
post #34 of 47
to you Mama.
No guilt trip here either, just support for whatever works best for you.
post #35 of 47
while I trhink breastfeeding is extremely important.....

I think is MORE important to have a happy healthy mom that can enjoy her new baby without the worries of tremendous pain. Right now, there is no end in sight. You don't know if you will eventually end up bf without pain. You don't know if you will make enough milk (based on your previous experience) There are so many things you don't know and trying to make it all happen while in pain and tired and suffering from ppd...

Just think about giving yourself permission to feed your baby in whatever way you can and feel comfortable at the same time.

bf is important, but its not worth sacrificing the precious newborn age by constant worry and pain.

I know thats not a general consensus around here... but I think a happy mom and baby is whats MOST important.
post #36 of 47

Hang in there. Getting yourself stressed out about BF is not going to help. Do what you need to do, do what you can do for your baby. A loving, nurturing mommy is ultimately more important.

I have inverted nipples - and remember all too well the pain. I am expecting my second and the memories have been coming back - I have been trying to focus on the good moments and not on the pain (the little foot caressing my leg in the middle of the night etc).

Please remember that being a "good" parent is not reliant on one day, one act - it is the sum of years of work.
post #37 of 47
I am so impressed that you have made it this far already.

Your plan sounds fine.

If you do decide to pump, take it one day at a time. It sounds impossible to pump every day for X months. But if you tell yourself, I'll try very hard with pumping today, and then tomorrow I'll decide, then it is doable, and then approach the next day with the same attitude. Eventually, that "just one more day of pumping" will become 3- or 6- or 12- or more months without realizing it. It's not easy to pump. I know because I've done it, but take it in little steps, and it will be doable.

And really, every additional day that you can get a little drop of breastmilk is more than most mothers do.

Most important of all, you need to make yourself happy. It's better for a baby to be formula fed and not depressed, than breastfed and unhappy. Of course, it would be ideal to have a breastfed baby with a happy mother, and it looks like you have a good plan to try to achieve that, but if it doesn't work, the best that you can do will be more than good enough.
post #38 of 47
Hey hon, I'm so sorry. : We struggled for months to get on the breast - you can read my experience on my blog, if you want to, but I can give you my practical advice here.

Disclaimer - this is what worked for me, so I'm going to list my steps. It's not a failproof plan.

-Rent a hospital grade pump for a month
-Have DH, when he's home, or you when he's not, feed a bottle, while you pump with the double hospital pump
-Supplement with formula or donor milk when you run out of EBF
-Pump until your nipples are healed (it took about 3 weeks for me)
-Try a nipple shield during the day, still supplementing and pumping at night instead of trying a latch
-Once you have the nipple shield down, try adding nighttime feeds on the breast with the shield
-Work on weaning off the shield

Most of all, take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.

PM or email me if you need anything. Please.
post #39 of 47
I'm so sorry you're having trouble, mama. to you.
post #40 of 47
I've dealt with pain this time from the get go (baby #4). I kept thinking I'd never make it to 6months, I have. When he was 4mo old I went out and bought formula!!! I used all my coupons. The formula is still sitting there, although I did open 1 up and give him a bottle at night of the formula to give my nipples a break. By morning I could deal again. My #2 and #3 never had a drop of formula, my #1 was ff due to bfing problems (as in no one told me he was tongue tied until he went to the orthodontist 2 years ago at age 6).

A very wise woman told me, "You did the best you could with the information you had at the time." She was completely right w regards to my ds1 and ff, I did do the best I could do with what I knew at the time. I tried bfing him for 11 weeks and one day I realized it was over before it began. It still hurts my soul to this day. I was suffering PPD and it didn't help that bfing didn't work out.

I felt like a failure on so many levels -- the c/s, the nursing, reading depressed moms make depressed kids... I also did not have a support network or a doctor who cared. The OB stated to me I was not trying hard enough.

I think you are luck to have a supportive doctor. If you need PPD meds, then don't feel badly about them. If you need to supplement your supply, it's okay, some breastmilk is better than no breastmilk at all. My very own mother told me this when I didn't want to even try to bf my 2nd child. Don't feel badly about doing what you need to do to cope and manage.

My 4th baby became FTT at 5 mo old. We've been through the ringer. I learned to pump. I pump all day and nurse at night and in the morning. I pump to fortify my breastmilk with more calories to bring his weight back up. When I don't have enough for a bottle, I add formula to it.

He just got teeth on the bottom and I realize his latch is still a big issue. He was tongue tied, I had it clipped at 10 days old. His tongue is short, it has never come out to his bottom lip or further as my others did. Now he has teeth, I can feel his lower gum line on my nipple and realized he still isn't sticking his tongue out far enough. No wonder the last 6 mo have been riddled with pain and soreness.

Well, he has started solids and loves them. I am giving him the best calorie and nutritent dense foods I can. And he had cut his intake of bm by 1/2. I can keep up with his demand for milk now very easily.

I believe I have done the best I can with the information I've had. Do your best, know you've tried everything offered to you, and at the end of the day know you are doing what is needed for your baby to grow and be healthy.

I feel fortunate, 1 child of 4 was easy, my dd. What is with these boys of mine???
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