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SAHM: how much say do you have about how your partner's salary is spent? - Page 3

post #41 of 119
We both have completely equal access to our money. I used to pay all the bills, but now he's taking a turn with it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jeannie81 View Post
i spend about 50-60wk on groceries and keep the rest for myself for whatever.
Just curious- How do you manage to get by on $50-$60 a week?! I spend over $100 on groceries each week. I'm in the SF Bay Area where everything is pretty expensive, but I still spend twice as much as you. Is food much cheaper where you are? Do you have any good tips for spending less?
post #42 of 119
Quote:
Originally Posted by riversong View Post

Just curious- How do you manage to get by on $50-$60 a week?! I spend over $100 on groceries each week. I'm in the SF Bay Area where everything is pretty expensive, but I still spend twice as much as you. Is food much cheaper where you are? Do you have any good tips for spending less?
wow, i thought i spent a lot! when times were hard we had to get by on only 20-30 a week! my secret is dh is never home (he works 2 jobs) so i never have to buy stuff to cook real meals. on sunday when he's home we have a big nice dinner, but he usually runs out and picks up something to cook then. i buy eggs, bread, lunch meat, fruit, cheese, cereal bars, yogurt, junk food, cereal, a few frozen dinners and lots of stuff to drink. my newborn only gets breastmilk, and my 13mo eats eggs every morning (i eat cereal) and for lunch or dinner usually just fruit and cheese or a sandwich, plus we snack a lot. he gets yogurt/cereal bar and i get cheetos. i do check out the sales and they will influence what i buy to a degree. a couple times a week i pick up fast food.
post #43 of 119
Quote:
Originally Posted by KimProbable View Post
DH's paycheck is *our* paycheck. We both earn it through our combined work in and out of the house.
:
post #44 of 119
We don't have "your" money and "my" money. We are a family so it's our money, the family's money.

My spouse's salary goes to our joint account, my Child Benefit and money I get from SAHMing (In Finland all get these regardless the incomes) goes to my account. And that's only because I didn't remember the joint account number when filling the applications...

I'm in charge of the money. My spouse has a history with financial problems, so it was our joint decision to put me in charge. I pay the bills, the rent, loans... I'm also the owner of our credit card (the first, the last and the only). This doesn't mean I sit on the money, we both use it the way we see fit. Of course we discuss about the bigger purchases, but otherways...
post #45 of 119
I control the money but we both agree on pretty much any purchase
post #46 of 119
I probably have more say. My 'frittering' allowance is bigger than his, but household stuff gets included in that. Big things are a joint discussion unless they're for the other person's birthday. He pays the bills because otherwise I'd forget. If one of us gets cash from the ATM we give the other some cash.

I don't think he realises how much work I do, but he doesn't make an issue of it.
post #47 of 119
Well I'm not quite a SAHM anymore these days, as I work oncall 10 days a month at the local birth center and I'm getting back into doula work finally, so I bring in a little money of my own. The funny thing is dh's money is "our" money and what I earn is my money. I get to do what I want with it, and I have the majority control of "our" money. I pay the bills, buy the groceries, clothes for all three of us really, etc.. I use my money to help out the house alot though, or buy myself something nice when I want. In the past two years I've bought us a new couch, a new tv, vacuum and helping paying for the new fridge.
post #48 of 119
It's our money but because I did the finances he would ask me if hte needed nsomething and I spent however I wanted. Now that DH SAH I still treat the money as both of ours because it is.
post #49 of 119
My dh's check goes into our joint acct by direct dep. I am responsible for paying the bills, buying groceries and other things we need. It is "our" money, not his not mine. We never spend money on anything without consulting the other. Usually it is my dh asking me if he can go buy X b/c I have the checkbook, pay the bills, etc and know how much we have and how much we need to keep in there until the next pay check. But we dont slurge on anything unless it is a joint decision. He does have access to the account whenever he needs it via debit card...

Frankly I would be angry if my dh said it is "his" money b/c he works. You work everyday, you are on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and a much harder job, IMO. I have been in the workforce and worked many different jobs and this job is by far the most exhausting, draining job ever, but the benefits are great!!:

$100 a week on groceries...I would love to spend that! We spend about $150+every week (feeding a family of 4). We do buy mostly organic so I know that raises the cost as well...
post #50 of 119
It's our money. We both have equal say in how it is spent. We both work on our budget together. Neither us controls the other in any way.
post #51 of 119
dh's paychecks (2 jobs) are direct deposited into our account. i pay all the bills online or with direct debit and billpay. then from whatever is left, i transfer our grocery, gas, and any play money budgeted into another account with a debit card. dh gets a small cash "allowance" for buying snacks at work or the occasional lunch (he generally brings something from home). then i buy the groceries and other household items, including things like clothes for our ds. if there is a big purchase to be made, then we discuss it together. if he wants to purchase anything for himself, he asks me about our money situation that week and i'm just honest with him about whether we can afford it or not. we are on a tight budget so really neither of us is usually buying a lot besides food and gas anyway.

dh actually doesn't know much about how the bills and money are done. as long as the bills are paid and there is food to eat, he is happy, even if i were spending more money on myself. he says that i'm better at handling it, so he likes it this way. i also like that it feels like a more even distribution since he makes all the money and i get to handle it.
post #52 of 119
It's our money... I'm actually the one who pays the bills and manages our money. My plan (ala Dave Ramsey) is to have us completely out of debt in 22 months. Neither of us has a spending allowance because we can't afford it.

Our debt is 60% of one year's net income but we're going to pay that off in 2 years so I think we're doing pretty darn good. I'm just : and : that all goes according to plan (or better).

Once that debt is paid off, I'll still be the one managing our money because I blow money by splurging on a $4 latte... dh blows money on things like guitars or expensive software. He's the first to admit that I'm better at managing the money.
post #53 of 119
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
:

I'm the one that takes care of bills and balancing the checkbook and all that too. So actually on a day to day basis I have a lot more "control" over what's done with the money.

-Angela
Me, too. And DH says that it is our money, but that since I have the children with me always, truly we have veto, 3 to 1. In reality, we both have equal say and at the same time, don't have to report to each other what we spend or why, but because we love each other, we almost always mention larger purchases before or right after doing them (right after, can always be returned, if there is dire need).

My DH would never try to trump me with his job. Though money is important, raising children is way more important, that's why we have children, because we value them so.
post #54 of 119
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeannie81 View Post
wow, i thought i spent a lot! when times were hard we had to get by on only 20-30 a week! my secret is dh is never home (he works 2 jobs) so i never have to buy stuff to cook real meals. on sunday when he's home we have a big nice dinner, but he usually runs out and picks up something to cook then. i buy eggs, bread, lunch meat, fruit, cheese, cereal bars, yogurt, junk food, cereal, a few frozen dinners and lots of stuff to drink. my newborn only gets breastmilk, and my 13mo eats eggs every morning (i eat cereal) and for lunch or dinner usually just fruit and cheese or a sandwich, plus we snack a lot. he gets yogurt/cereal bar and i get cheetos. i do check out the sales and they will influence what i buy to a degree. a couple times a week i pick up fast food.
I think I eat more than you do. Dh eats with us every night also and he eats a lot. Dd actually has a good appetite, too. Interesting. We're small people, but I guess we're really hungry. Anyway, I've been trying to buy mostly organic and that really brings up the cost. I mostly shop at Trader Joe's, but when I go to Whole Foods it's really expensive.

Quote:
Originally Posted by angie7 View Post
$100 a week on groceries...I would love to spend that! We spend about $150+every week (feeding a family of 4). We do buy mostly organic so I know that raises the cost as well...
That makes me feel better. Sometimes I'm spending more like $130-150. Ds doesn't eat more than bits of fruits and veggies, so when he's really eating we'll easily spend $150.

Have I gone too OT?
post #55 of 119
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elfine View Post
DH can be quite controling about money, saying it's "his" money because I don't work (I SAH). I'm just curious to know how it works in other families.
My husband considers me his partner in life, and therefore, we both make the decisions together around here.

He would no more suggest that it was "his money" because I didn't "work" than I would shoot him in the head. We both agree that my JOB as a SAHM is just as important, if not more so, as his WOH/salaried job. Therefore, any money that comes into the house is OUR money, family money, house money.
post #56 of 119
I have absolute power. I control the budget, bills, everything. If he wants something (which is pretty rare), he tells me, and I tell him whether we have the $$.
post #57 of 119
Well I was a SAHM until November & I will be again in March (thankfully, I miss it) No matter what our work or money situations were over the years, we handled finances the same. We have seperate accounts, & we have access to each others accounts. I pay the bills, cause I'm better at knowing what we need & what has to be paid. We budget together, although this generally means I tell him how the next few months need to go. Bill budget, food budget, savings, etc, & how much we each have to spend as we choose. I am currently working on my own sewing buisness so that we will not need be to work outside the house again after this next baby, he is helping me get this going. Basically we work together, this is what family is to us.
post #58 of 119
I control the money, he works. He likes not having any stress over expenses and doesn't spend money unless he needs to anyhow. Works great!
post #59 of 119
I have more say so over his income than he does. I do the bills and figure out our budget. He trusts me completely and considers it to be all "our" money and we discuss most purchases.
post #60 of 119
Before I was a wife, I was a woman. A woman who was financially independant and quite capable, with an education and a career. When I said I do, that did not mean that I desired to lose my financial self in trade. I worked hard for my excellant credit, my job title, and my degrees before marriage and they are mine.
I have my own credit, and I also share joint credit. I have my own bank account and we share a joint bank account. As much as I would like to say that our marriage will always be strong, we will always be together, and he will not die anytime soon, there are no such guarantees. I feel it is my duty to myself and ultimately to my children, to have a back up plan to support us should anything ever happen.
I hate to sound cliche, but it is all about communication. OP, you need to discuss your feelings with your partner and work this issue through. It may be indicative of a much larger issue than just money.

DC
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