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Originally Posted by alaskanteach
 I believe I understand the PHILOSOPHY. I am even POSITIVE that there are many parents who implement this system well and it works for their families.. I just haven't had the opportunity to see that. I think that too many times any particular parenting philosophy is not enacted completely/correctly (can't think of how to word that well- but we ALL make mistakes no matter what our philosophy is- ) or maybe it even just has a personality conflict (no one philosophy is right for every person).. but pretty soon people have a HUGE problem on their hands- that could have been avoided in its entirety a long time ago.. if a kid is at the point that a parent is considering random drug tests, then I think there is a problem going on, and at that point a parent really needs to consider options before their child's life is at risk. I just can't stand it FOR THE KID'S SAKE when that wake up call comes too late.
I do have to ask, though.. if a parent doesn't punish, but does parent, how then does random drug testing even become a punishment? It seems to me, that really, it is just a quest for truth. Get everyone on the same page, and work for the betterment of the child from there. No matter how much a child loves their parent, if they have a drug problem, they will lie because they don't want to be separated from their high... it isn't that they don't respect their parent, they may absolutely adore the parent... it is just that drugs now have a higher priority. Addiction has a way of doing that. I think avoiding the issue by NOT drug testing is really, just enabling. I personally would do anything I had to to help my kid.. whether it meant implementing a new philosophy, reinforcing what I have already done, or whatever it takes. Consistency is key, of course, but I am consistent in that my kids ALWAYS know that if I get involved with something, it is because they are my kids, I love them, care about them, and want to help them whether I end up punishing or not. I am not saying that anyone HERE may or may not have implemented their parenting philosophy completely or correctly, but there are many different ways to parent, and sometimes the best made plans do not have the outcome we had hoped for. In the situation the OP stated, I would random drug test in a minute. But as I stated, I have worked with at-risk teenagers for 8 years, and I have seen the worst cases imaginable (teen prostitutes, kids living out of their cars, child abuse, gang members). We can ask ourselves where the fault lies all day long, parents, kids, society, legal system?? but that is what we have to work with.. I am positive that most if not all of the parents of the kids I work with would say they parent, many would say they are good parents. We judge our own parenting based off our own opinions. Well, and eventually, the results we see way down the road.. Parents ask me all the time at school, "What would you do if my child was your child?" I tell them that they are the parents, and they have to make the call. The fact that they ask though, makes me think that they are questioning what they are doing, and what the results are that they are seeing. |
I can't speak for every teenager, but I found my privacy so incredibly precious and valuable at that age that being required to submit my bodily fluids for examination would have felt like a mental rape. I'm not kidding - it would have been that violating to me, and there's no way I'd have submitted to it.
And, as far as "cool" parents go - my parents were really cool. Our place was where everybody wanted to hang out. They didn't allow any underage drinking or any drug use in their home - period. We had curfews and weren't allowed out on school nights, and weren't handed everything we asked for. They were actually stricter than most of my friend's parents - but they were also content to let our friends be who they were, which was something most of my friends found very rare.
OP: I have no idea what I'd do in your situation. I've been watching ds1 and his friends over the last year, and I'm not seeing any signs of drug use. It does worry me, as three of his grandparents are addicts, and his dad is an addict. So far, so good...but he's only 14. If I do find reason to think he's doing drugs, I'm still not sure how I'm going to deal with it.
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