Discouraging a friendship

[Gabbi]

I need advise.I will make this short as possible.

I have an 11 yo DD who is a great kid, excellent grades..just a great girl...however she is so "nice" she often chooses friendships that just aren't healthy.


New girl moves into town. I was substitute teaching and the father worked at my school, the mother is an Ins. agent. Good family , seem to be great adults so..to me = safe family for my daughter to be friends with daughter (she is an only child).. girl is put into my daughters class.

Friendship begins.

Girl is just OUT RIGHT RUDE. (Not how I raise my children)
She is Rude to my youngest son (when she has been in our home I just had to out right call her down about it)
At slumber party did not know "how" to behave, rude, loud..I had to tell her If things didn't stop I was calling her mother.

Girl is ALWAYS in trouble in the classroom, other girls just do NOT like her..(I hear it all from my DD..)

I am on the phone with business (we have a home business) our house is for sale so I never let call waiting go unanswered.... it will be this girl...I will say "I'll have DD call you back, I'm on the phone with business"....not FIVE minutes later she'll call back and often I am STILL on the phone with a client.: : :

We are out for the day...she calls DD and will leave 2 or 3 messages and act "huffy" that DD has not YET called back (duh we were out all day).

DD comes home from being with this girl and DD is frustrated..says the girl is rude to her, mean, doesn't "play" well....etc.

I try to tell DD that perhaps this isn't a good friendship, but I feel I can not do anything - say anything to parents when my DD is accepting play invites, swim invites, movie invites etc.

After the few bad experiences with this child, rude to myself, my son, my husband I do NOT invite her over here anymore.

What would you do?

[Kirsten]

I would do what you are already doing. No more playdates at your house. And promote friendships with other kids. Set up a playdate with a kid you do think is a good friend.

I have a similar situation; I hear you! My dd1 is 11 and just had a sleepover with a friend (at our house). That girl was so sweet to dd2 and dd3, and really polite, and I never once had to ask them to quiet down. Now that girl will be invited back! She really is a nice kid.

[Gabbi]

Thanks Kristen.

I start to feel bad because I never return the favor and invite this girl over. And I'm sure her dad is wondering why. Teachers say she is rude, my DD and other girls say she is rude (although I won't allow gossip around me between DD and other girls..I mean I know they do it..but I always discourage it)..This girl is just really bad...rude....I want to tell her father about it because obviously other adults see the problem and the kid is REALLY an outsider at school.......*sigh*.
I have already planned if the father ever says anything about her not coming over or the fact the girl has had "run ins" with me I doubt she tells her parents about..but if they ever confront me I'm going to tell the dad that she is just rude to my son and to me and my dh.

[Gabbi]

I will add that sometimes I think the issues with my DD and her friends are my fault..I always encourage my kids to "befriend the under dog" take up for kids that others put down, be a good friend, etc...and it seems my kids make FRIENDS with kids we end up having issues with.......

[2tadpoles]

Originally Posted by Gabbi

I start to feel bad because I never return the favor and invite this girl over. And I'm sure her dad is wondering why.

My ds (12yo) is very good friends with DH's best friend's son (14yo). The kid is not rude, but he's super hyper, is really rowdy and loud in inappropriate places, and is just socially immature.

We've only known this boy for not even two years, so it was awkward for me to mention it to DH, who has known this boy since he was born. DH is totally aware that the kid is a "spaz" (his words). He took his friend aside to mention how I've been having trouble with their son's behavior when he goes places with us.

The boy's parents are totally aware of his issues. His dad told DH that there have been other adults who no longer invite the boy on outings because of his behavior.

Anyway, my point is that the girl's parents probably know how she is.