People are starting to notice that DD is different. - Page 2

[peekyboo]

AFO's - Ankle Foot Orthotics - here's a link to a picture of my dd's first ones. Just scroll down a little to see them.

Really, what am I supposed to do in a situation like that? I can't engage the child in conversation. I can't comment on her sweet smile. WHAT am I supposed to say to acknowledge this kid's presence? I know what I wanted to say was "Why don't you put some real clothes on your kid because it's cold and windy" (the girl was in a t-shirt and shorts with nothing on her feet, and was parked outside with her caregiver for almost an hour).

I'm not being snarky here. I really just don't know what to say that doesn't sound like phony BS.

My pet peeve is when people are phony. I'd rather be ignored than get some phony fakey "Oh, isn't that cute???" comment when she's not really being cute at all. It's that old rule "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." But at the same time, there's a difference between not saying something and outright ignoring the child. I mean, while taking the order, a simple "Anything for your daughter?" would be enough. Or helping move chairs out of the way to better fit the stroller into the area. Simple courtesies like that.

And as for the clothing issue - keep in mind that many special needs kids have sensory issues. The shirt and shorts may have been the only thing the mom could get on the child w/o the child screaming. My dd LOVES to strip Last January, it was really really cold here and we found all the drafts in our new old house and I'm freezing my butt off and dd kept stripping down to a diaper. She doesn't get cold as easily as some of her siblings or her mother. And shoes - if she's not wearing her AFO's and lace up shoes, then the shoes come off almost instantly when we get into the car. Actually, both my girls kick off their shoes in the car, lol!

Other kids with sensory issues find wearing clothing almost painful - it'll make them scream and claw at the clothes.

I'm not saying what you thought was wrong - heck, I've thought it too at times when watching kids play on the playground. However, when it comes to sn kids, you have to re-tweak your thinking.

I just want to say, I don't know what AFO's are but I'm sorry for all the people ignoring you... I know it's hard for me to know how to react to special needs kids in public and I'm usually busy trying to encourage my kids not to say mean things.

I never realized that just NOT paying attention would make people feel bad too.

Like others have said - it's not so much not paying attention as going out of your way to ignore the child - especially if you're going out of your way to acknowledge other children around that child.

As for your kids, I think many parents are somewhat sympathetic to the blatent honesty of other kids. I've had children ask me why Maura won't say hi back to them. I'll say point blank that she doesn't talk well yet. Sometimes they'll ask why and I'll be honest again - I don't know. But we're working on it. Kids can be pretty easily satisfied. We once saw a girl in a wheelchair and my older dd asked why she was in it - I said "I don't know, probably b/c her legs don't work right for some reason." And then I try to put a positive spin on things like "But isn't it great she has that cool chair to get around in?"

What I don't condone is stuff like what my older dd's friends said, how Maura was "gross" for sucking her thumb and wearing a diaper. Of course, they might have thought Maura was closer to Miriam's age (they're 2 1/2 yrs apart) b/c Maura is almost as tall as Miriam (who's just plain short for her age), and so they might have thought Maura was almost 6 instead of almost 4 and that's why her behavoir was strange. But I told Miriam that next time something like that happens, to tell the people that that's not a nice way to talk to about her sister. It was the best I could do at the moment.

[bunsmom]

It is sad that this happens to so many of you too. I am super sensitive this week, so that didn't help.

Peekyboo, like you having to deal with the mean Moms at your DD's school, there are a couple of those at the therapy center where I take my DD. I am not comfortable just driving off for the hour or so she is there, so I try and walk around the area or go to the couple stores around there so I don't have to deal with them, but two of the Moms are always trying to have some type of competition as to who's kid is the least SN. Weird huh? This one Mom who is always spouting off all the knowledge she has, even answered a question that was asked to me from another Mom. I snarkily said "Oh, thank you for answering that for me". She has on several occasions remarked how much therapy my DD needs. This week when I was discussing with another Mom how her DS and my DD are losing one PT a week because of a therapist leaving, the Mean Mom said "Oh your DD really needs PT twice a week". I just ignored her, but it pissed me off. She only sees DD about five minutes a week, she has no idea. I never comment on her DS autisim. You would think being a SN parent would make her think twice about those types of comments...but no.

So that on top of the blatant ignoring, just upset me.

2tadpoles: I do know what you mean, I (even now) am not sure what to say to children that don't seem to know someone is there, but I make a point to say hi (and I mean it) to the children at the therapy center that are in wheelchairs. I really belive that they are "there" they just can't express it in the ways typical children do. I also have to second the response on the child may have sensory issues and that is why she wasn't wearing more clothes. My DD chews on her shirt and licks things because she seeks out sensory stimulation, the child you saw may not be able to tolerate clothing, and the licking reminds me of my DD.

Thanks for all the responses, it helps to know we are not alone.

[peekyboo]

Peekyboo, like you having to deal with the mean Moms at your DD's school, there are a couple of those at the therapy center where I take my DD. I am not comfortable just driving off for the hour or so she is there, so I try and walk around the area or go to the couple stores around there so I don't have to deal with them, but two of the Moms are always trying to have some type of competition as to who's kid is the least SN. Weird huh? This one Mom who is always spouting off all the knowledge she has, even answered a question that was asked to me from another Mom. I snarkily said "Oh, thank you for answering that for me". She has on several occasions remarked how much therapy my DD needs. This week when I was discussing with another Mom how her DS and my DD are losing one PT a week because of a therapist leaving, the Mean Mom said "Oh your DD really needs PT twice a week". I just ignored her, but it pissed me off. She only sees DD about five minutes a week, she has no idea. I never comment on her DS autisim. You would think being a SN parent would make her think twice about those types of comments...but no.

Well you KNOW you have my DEEPEST sympathies! LOL! I am about to start bringing a book and iPod and visually shutting them out at this point. Ours compete over who does more therapy and I caught the two of them going off about how the third doesn't have a structured enough home enviroment and that's why her son is having such a hard time :eyeroll

I've also had the one answer for me - the one mom asked me a question and I answered it and the other jumped in with "Oh, THAT won't work!" Um, if she wanted your opinion, she'd have asked you!

[bunsmom]

Peekyboo, WTF? with other Moms of SN kids doing that? I really find that irritating. I would not dream of trying to tell someone what they should be doing with their child. I have yet to meet ONE AP type Mom (IRL) of a SN kids. So far, all I hear is how MORE therapy is better, and I don't agree with that.

Last week I had to listen to two parents talk about how the only way to discipline their children (one with mild CP and the other with mild Autism) is to do back to them what they do to you. As in, slapping them or biting them if they bite you. I was floored. I said that I wouldn't do that to DD and they looked at me as if I was crazy and one said "but that is the only way they will learn". O.K. Whatever.

I am going to bring some knitting or whatever and try and concentrate on that, and when it gets cooler, there is a coffee shop I can hang out at outside. I wish you lived close we could hang out while our DD's had therapy!

[Kathryn]

I'm sorry. *hugs*
We've been having a hard time with people asking D over and over and over what her name is, how old she is, etc... She always turns her head to avoid looking at them and they just try to get in her face to ask her some more. We end up just smiling and walking off most of the time. I just feel bad for her and I know it's only going to get worse as she gets older.

2tadpoles, I always tell the parent/caregiver how beautiful or handsome the child is. Compliment a feature on them. Just like I would any typical child.

[AntoninBeGonin]

Originally Posted by peekyboo

AFO's - Ankle Foot Orthotics - here's a link to a picture of my dd's first ones. Just scroll down a little to see them.

You mean people actually get rude when the see her ankle braces? That's insane! She is such a cute little girl, I adore that mop of brown hair and impish smile in her picture . I don't know if you'll like this story or not, I hope so, anyhow last week I took both kids to the zoo. A little boy, probably about 8 was there. His mom pushed him in a wheelchair. He could get up and walk short distances. We interacted with him quite a bit, helping him to look in a periscope and talked about the animals. He was such a sweet and enthusiastic kid. All the same, I bet people act differently around him, too.

Originally Posted by peekyboo

Kids can be pretty easily satisfied. We once saw a girl in a wheelchair and my older dd asked why she was in it - I said "I don't know, probably b/c her legs don't work right for some reason." And then I try to put a positive spin on things like "But isn't it great she has that cool chair to get around in?"

My son asked the same question about a person he saw in a wheelchair and I explained the same way you did.

to everyone on this thread. I'm sorry there are so many uncaring people in the world.

[mama2graham]

OP! We are starting to get more and more notices too, and just wanted to say I'm with you. On good days, I think: Wow. I'm grateful that, through DS, I've been invited to really *see* people who are different, and not avoid/opt out/ignore, or conversely, make too much of a disability or difference. When I talk to people about DS's differences, I'm trying to make visible the humanness in all of us, at least a little at a time...

[RedOakMomma]

We've had really good responses to this: When a child comes up and says "what's wrong with him?" or "why won't he talk?" or "why is he sucking on his hand?" (etc.) we always say "he's like a baby, but in a big kid's body."

For some reason, little kids GET that. Every time. Some of them even start interacting with our boys like they're babies, and of course our boys love that.

It's nice that we've finally found a "good" way to handle kids that get in their faces. Of course, I haven't found a way to deal with the "eww, they're gross" kids.

RE: the kid at the restaurant. My kids can also be spaced out at times, and they're 5, and we take them around in a jogging stroller, and we often keep them barefoot. The jogging stroller is because they don't know enough not to run into traffic or sit still in a chair (or in ds2's case, because he's so unsteady on his feet). The bare feet...that's because our kids just constantly pop their shoes off. Better to take off the shoes than have a battle every 5 minutes to put them on again.

It hurts my feelings when people ignore my kids, or make a point of not looking at them (as if, if they don't make noticeable eye movement in the direction of my kids, then nothing *abnormal* needs to be noticed, and no one needs to acknowledge them). Drives me nuts. What warms my heart is when people look at them with a warm smile, or even look at them at all in a normal way. For me, you don't have to talk to them, you don't have to make eye contact with them, and you certainly don't need to find something beautiful or normalish about them. You just need to stop pretending that they're not there, or that looking at them is something to avoid at all costs.

Moms with severely cognitively impaired kids have such a tough road (and I'm speaking more from the familes I've seen at the local Children's hospital). They dedicate so much of their lives to these special little kids, only to have the public act as if the kids are nothing....not worth interacting with, not worth noticing, not worth a smile (even if the child doesn't notice it, the parents DO!). Breaks my heart.

[Aura_Kitten]

Well, a little perspective on the not-paying-attention-to-them aspect here ~ again NOT condoning this but sharing some background ~ I don't know about anyone else but I was raised to not look at or interact with - for lack of a better word - disabled people, of any age or special needs status. If any of us (that is, myself or siblings) so much as looked at a person with any sort of "difference" we were taken home and at best, yelled at extensively and at worst, beaten until we were so sore we could hardly move. The reason my parents gave us was, it's rude to pay too much attention to them, it's rude to stare, it's rude to ask questions, etc... and not looking / not interacting was the polite thing to do. (I'm sure some of this is because my parents were raised in a completely different era... my dad was born during the depression, raised during the 40's and 50's -- and treatment of SN people was a LOT different back then.)


Although if all you're talking about is ankle braces, sheesh. I'm dense enough I probably wouldn't even notice (that, and your little girl is absolutely adorable ). Seriously - my mom had a full leg brace on for almost a year once, and there were times when I'd forget she was wearing it. I can't believe people would get touchy over that. I'm so, so sorry. s


I have a permanent limp (from nerve damage and permanent muscle damage) and I have gotten some really weird looks... and my kids are both mouthy; my son (7) has *always* been the licking / chewing / biting type. Those of you who have said you've gotten rude comments and glares and things for your kids thumb sucking or licking, I feel you. s Even my own family members freak out about him at times - and people in the community have made comments about how I should really put a stop to his behaviours (like I haven't tried already )...


Anyway, again - from a relative outsider - I'm sorry for the ignoring or weird looks.
Also I never stopped to think that possibly other parents would be used to kids making really awkward comments. I'm just so embarrassed at what comes out of their mouths sometimes...! And I'm also trying to change my own behaviour, since the way I was raised doesn't mesh with what people want now...

[AileenM]

Saw this post from the main menu, and I just had to come in and comment. I agree with the pp who said that she was raised thinking that not looking at a SN person was the polite thing to do. Sometimes it's hard to know what to say or do...some parents are insulted if you ingore, some get annoyed or angry when you try to interact. It's difficult.
Having said that, I used to work with special needs kids attending a mainstream middle school. One of my kids was autistic, one had CP, one had an unknown problem that was simply a shut-off from his brain to his mouth. He knew what he was trying to say, he just couldn't make the sounds. I had several other children who I worked with, but those three were the ones I spent the most time with. I loved those kids so much. This was years ago, and I remember their names, and the things I loved about them. They were the three sweetest, most loving kids I've ever known. Each of them had their own unique qualities that made them amazing. I just wanted to let you know, mama, that there are people in the world who see the beauty in special needs children.

[Finch]

This thread just depresses the crap out of me. I seriously feel nauseated and want to cry, just reading some of the stuff here. Partly because I experience it myself, partly because of the posters here without sn kids, who for some odd reason or another, are coming off as uncaring and crass to me right now even though I know logically in my head that's not how their words are at all.

I am just so raw over this. I'll never forget, when my ds was first diagnosed with autism, my sister said, "well, one good thing...he's a really cute kid, that will work in his favor." I was puzzled initially, but now I get it....oh, do I get it. Yes, ds is very cute, and yes, I get comments on his appearance a LOT. It sort of makes me a sick to think he gets a "pass" because he's cute and "normal looking." : The value our society puts on outward appearances just...ugh...it bugs me more and more and more as I get older and deeper into my journey as a special needs mom.

I don't know about the rest of you, but when I see a special needs child in public, I deliberately try to smile at and acknowledge that child and his/her mother or caregiver. I mean, damn...one day at the mall there was this little girl, probably about 5-6 mos. old, and her mother and father just looked anxious sitting there with her (they were in the play area, watching their older son play). I smiled at the little girl because I thought she was cute. She smiled broadly at me, and I caught instantly why the parents were so stiff...the little girl had a cleft palate. (the parents were latina, speaking in Spanish to eachother) I kept smiling at her, playing the little smile peek a boo game with her that you do with little kids, and the parents slowly started smiling back, looking at me with an expression of half surprise, half delight. I knew why. People probably took one look at that beautiful little girl's mouth, and looked away. It made me angry for them. It made me hurt for the little girl. She was so adorable, her smile was big and broad, that huge gummy baby smile that I just love so much...her whole little face just lit up. I wondered how many strangers looked at her like I did....

Threads like this just depress me today. I'm so tired of seeing the struggle...it's not fair, and it really REALLY sucks.

:

[2tadpoles]

Originally Posted by RedOakMomma

RE: the kid at the restaurant. My kids can also be spaced out at times, and they're 5, and we take them around in a jogging stroller, and we often keep them barefoot. The jogging stroller is because they don't know enough not to run into traffic or sit still in a chair (or in ds2's case, because he's so unsteady on his feet). The bare feet...that's because our kids just constantly pop their shoes off. Better to take off the shoes than have a battle every 5 minutes to put them on again.

I totally understand that. But I think she could have been thoughtful enough to bring the child inside where the temperature was decent. The caregiver was wearing jeans, a windbreaker, and sneakers.

Just because the little girl wasn't able to say she was cold, doesn't mean she wasn't cold. It was 4 o'clock in the afternoon....there were plenty of places to sit inside.

[peekyboo]

Originally Posted by 2tadpoles

I totally understand that. But I think she could have been thoughtful enough to bring the child inside where the temperature was decent. The caregiver was wearing jeans, a windbreaker, and sneakers.

Just because the little girl wasn't able to say she was cold, doesn't mean she wasn't cold. It was 4 o'clock in the afternoon....there were plenty of places to sit inside.

Not to sound witchy, but it seems like you're really not wanting to give this mother the benefit of the doubt in any way. Maybe she didn't want to sit inside the restaurant b/c she was having a crappy day and just wanted to eat in peace w/o trying to ignore people's stares and ignorance about her daughter. Do you know how hard it is to sit there and pretend like you don't notice people staring at your child? Maybe she didn't want to sit inside and watch all the happy families with normal kids sitting and having a good time b/c it would just hammer home once again how that isn't her life and what her reality is. It's HARD, even for the most positive-minded of us, to sit there sometimes and watch average normal kids do their thing and know that that will NEVER be your child. It's HURTFUL when people stare at the child who you love dearly and who is so precious to you as if she's some weird freak who maybe shouldn't be out in public ruining their experiences. And it's really really frustrating when complete strangers judge you on something they know nothing about.

My personal story (which many of the regulars here know about ) - when my dd had just turned three, we were in a bookstore. I had the stroller with me, mostly to help her get through the parking lot and through the store faster. At one point she screeched to get out so she was walking, I had books in the stroller. Two people smiled at the irony of the situation. One older woman however stopped and told me "She needs to walk on her own. You should get rid of that stroller and MAKE her walk." I just tried to smile and keep going but the woman kept going on about how dd was too big to be using a stroller, that she made her kids walk and I needed to MAKE her walk.

Now, my dd didn't walk until she was almost 2. She has low muscle tone, flat feet that roll inwards, and lousy balance. At the time, she still walked really slowly. She's also big for her age and so carrying her is a strain on my back (which has spasmed out on me twice b/c of all of this.) And what I found highly ironic was that I had just ordered a bigger stroller for dd!

So when this woman finally shut her ignorant yap long enough for me to respond, I calmly said "My child has only been walking for one year. She has a medical condition that causes her to tire out more easily than most children. So while she LOVES to walk, we need to have the stroller handy for when she gets worn out. Have a nice day!"

I was very proud of myself for keeping my cool and politely educating this woman about something she obviously had no clue about. But it was maddening to me that I had to explain myself and our situation. Why did it matter to her if I had MY child in a stroller? What harm was it doing to her life?

My point - maybe it was chilly out that day, and the child was in shorts and a t shirt. But there was probably a lot more to this woman's story than you'll ever know so instead of jumping to conclusions about what she should have done, try to listen to what we are saying and learn to look at things from a different angle.

[peekyboo]

I don't know about the rest of you, but when I see a special needs child in public, I deliberately try to smile at and acknowledge that child and his/her mother or caregiver.

I do that too, b/c I know how nice it is to be on the receiving end. I had to laugh when several of us went from the pediatric specialists office to the lab for bloodwork. We're there with our kids, chatting about orthotics and how guilty we feel about having blood drawn and we're able to just say "So what does your daughter have?" and not worry about stepping on toes. I was a little sad that we weren't all able to just sit and chat for a while A room full of live people who GOT IT!

Me personally, I'm out to change minds one person at a time. Around town, I have always been very open and straightforward about Maura's delays and issues and stuff. You have a question? Ask it. I don't mind. I'd rather you ask then speculate behind my back. People notice that there's something "off" about her, I might as well introduce the big orange elephant that's in the room with us. I live in a small town, and right now, I have enough people who just adore Maura to counteract those who might look at her funny. It's weird - it's like people see others treating her like any other child and realize that it's okay to, or something like that. It's funny b/c at first, when we learned about her delays, I just wanted to hide from the world to protect her. Now I'm all out there with a big "Love me, Love my child or ELSE!" attitude

[williamsmommy2002]

This thread has been bothering me also. My little boy has pdd-nos. He is different but can "pass" for a short amount of time usually. I have gotten awful comments in public(What's wrong with him?, He needs his butt kicked). I have gotten stares and dirty looks. I also grew up with physical disabilties myself and got stares and comments.

How hard is it to smile at a child? How hard is it not to judge others? My ds refuses to wear long sleeves or a jacket. It doesn't get too cold here but I would feel better sometimes if he were covered up. He also does much better if we sit outside at restaurants because you don't have the noise from the kitchen or as many people around. Should we just stay home? He also gives blank stares a lot and spaces out. He does usualy know what is going on around him. Just because a child can't talk and appears to severely cognatively impaired doesn't mean they doesn't know what's going on around them.

The reason a lot of us post the this forum mostly is that many of us our judged when it comes to things with our sn kids on other forums. To come here and disparaged other sn parent for something as little as what the child is wearing, removes the feeling that this is a safe place for us. You wouldn't be able to post to the clw forum that mothers nursing 4 year olds are sexually abusing them.

[Kathryn]

Originally Posted by RedOakMomma

<snip>...you certainly don't need to find something beautiful or normalish about them. You just need to stop pretending that they're not there, or that looking at them is something to avoid at all costs.

Moms with severely cognitively impaired kids have such a tough road (and I'm speaking more from the familes I've seen at the local Children's hospital). They dedicate so much of their lives to these special little kids, only to have the public act as if the kids are nothing....not worth interacting with, not worth noticing, not worth a smile (even if the child doesn't notice it, the parents DO!). Breaks my heart.

I hope I didn't come off as though I think people should try to find something beautiful or normalish about them. I have a severely impaired child. I wish people would just comment on how big her eyes are or how beautiful her hair is, like they do my boys, instead of stare at her tubing and her arm braces and watch her retch. I always compliment parents on how beautiful their children are, typical or not. My point was that the child is still a child and you should smile at them/say hi/whatever, and tell the parent how wonderful they are, because they ARE.

Originally Posted by Finch

I am just so raw over this. I'll never forget, when my ds was first diagnosed with autism, my sister said, "well, one good thing...he's a really cute kid, that will work in his favor." I was puzzled initially, but now I get it....oh, do I get it. Yes, ds is very cute, and yes, I get comments on his appearance a LOT. It sort of makes me a sick to think he gets a "pass" because he's cute and "normal looking." : The value our society puts on outward appearances just...ugh...it bugs me more and more and more as I get older and deeper into my journey as a special needs mom....
<snip>
...Threads like this just depress me today. I'm so tired of seeing the struggle...it's not fair, and it really REALLY sucks.

:

Again, I really hope I didn't come off that way. You know I would never mean that.

[Finch]

Originally Posted by Kathryn

I hope I didn't come off as though I think people should try to find something beautiful or normalish about them.

Again, I really hope I didn't come off that way. You know I would never mean that.

Kathryn, no of course you didn't come off that way. I was referring to the posters who DON'T have sn children.

Peeky verbalized the icky feeling I had but couldn't put a finger on...that it really sounds witchy to judge a mother of a sn child because of what said child was wearing, blah blah blah. I know nobody means harm. I know that. It still hurts and it still stings to hear a mother of a "normal" child say stuff like that. However it needs to be asked and needs to be said here, I suppose, because this IS a safe place and how will anyone ever learn if they don't ask? Sort of like the posters here (as in MDC) way back who couldn't understand why I was so appalled that a couple was trying to make it legal to use a cattle prod on their adult autistic son to stop self-injurious behavior. There seriously were many people here who thought it was totally appropriate and fine to do that, because the man was autistic, no other reason. If a "normal" person were engaging in SIB, people would call it barbarism to use a cattle prod to stop it.

Just another example of the "us/them" mentality I see a lot....it all runs together. Sn kids are different, weird, people don't know how to treat or regard "them." How about if we all start by stopping thinking of "us" and "them?" How about if we instead think "how should I regard and treat another human being, regardless of if they're in a wheelchair, nonverbal, cannot form facial expressions, etc. etc..?" Yeah, sn kids are different. Of course. But look past the special needs and see the child, not the disability. That's all we ask.

I love the movie "Shallow Hal." Perfect example. Everybody could use a little 5 minute brainwashing session in the elevator, if you ask me.

[2tadpoles]

Originally Posted by peekyboo

My point - maybe it was chilly out that day, and the child was in shorts and a t shirt. But there was probably a lot more to this woman's story than you'll ever know so instead of jumping to conclusions about what she should have done, try to listen to what we are saying and learn to look at things from a different angle.

Yeah, maybe I was jumping to conclusions, but so are you because you don't know all the details, either.

First of all, this woman was not the child's mother. She was a caregiver. I overheard bits of her cell phone conversation while I was waiting on her.

Secondly, the woman left the child outside in the stroller to come in and ask if it was okay to sit outside. It was 4pm....too late for lunch and too early for dinner. There was NOBODY else in the restaurant, and since there are only 20 tables in the place, she could plainly see that it was deserted.

For anyone who I have offended through this conversation, I apologize. I'll stay out of this thread from here on out.

[RedOakMomma]

RE: the cold outside table.

I'm sure it's hard to think "outside of the box" when your kids are typical. And that's not in ANY way your fault. But sitting outside on a cold day doesn't mean she was doing the wrong thing for her child. Some SN kids get too stimulated in a strange, indoor environment. Sometimes it's the lighting. Sometimes it's the noise of other voices. Sometimes SN kids really like the feel of being cool and feeling breezes. You just can't know, and so (in my mind) you can't judge. The mom was almost certainly making the "odd" choice to sit outside because of the needs of her child. I'm sure she'd wish she could do the "normal" thing, too, and it makes me sad that she was judged.

One of the best lessons to learn about SN families when you're a mom to typically developing kids? Don't judge. You just have no way of knowing what it's like to be in their shoes, or what it is that their kids need to be happy, function, or just get by. Whatever the SN family is doing, especially if it seems "odd" or "weird," they're doing it because they're adapting.

When people see US adapting, and they judge, I feel even more on the outside of society. On the other hand, when people see us adapting, and they ask how they can be of help (especially in service situations, like at restaruants, stores, public parks etc.)...THEN I feel a huge rush of relief...as if someone from the "normal" world has bent over in the my world and made an effort to bridge the gap a little.

[AntoninBeGonin]

Originally Posted by Finch

Kathryn, no of course you didn't come off that way. I was referring to the posters who DON'T have sn children.

I don't have SN children. Would you mind reading post 26 again and letting me what you think? I want to make sure I'm modeling the right way of interacting with SN people to my children.