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I'm so confused (I'm pregnant with fraternal twins) - Page 2

post #21 of 55
Hey Monkey---

I am 100% vegan and I am pg with twins, too. They told me that mine are fraternal as well. It's funny how women without the dairy hormones in them aren't supposed to be as likely to conceive twins, but it turns out that twins run in my family.

It's gonna be A-OK! I am psyched to have 2 babes!
post #22 of 55
Thread Starter 
thanks yogafeet. Now I don't feel so "alone" ! (and a freak haha)

I really appreciate everyone's encouraging words. I'm just so shocked and trying to "process". Don't know anyone with twins and of course never thought it would happen to me. It's hard to think positive and be happy about it when I'm NOWHERE in a financial state to care for them, etc. Somehow I know it will (HAVE) to work out though!
post #23 of 55
Quote:
I would expect with stigmatism of identicals (I would imagine they'd have more complexes about their IDENTITY, right?)
I haven't noticed any stigmatism (other than annoying old people who think it's funny to ask if they're related ) and they have no problems with identity. Granted they're 8, but so far so good.

Twins are great! Congrats!
post #24 of 55
Quote:
of course never thought it would happen to me
I didn't either. everyone tells me "oh I always wanted twins!" well, good for you. I never did. They weren't even on my radar!

They're not that expensive.
post #25 of 55
Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I am moving this thread to Parenting Multiples as it no longer pertains to the Veg Forum. I am sure you will find some wonderful support and experience here.

peace,
Shantimama
post #26 of 55
I just wanted to pipe up (late!) and say that it's okay to be freaked out and have a hard time being happy. I myself felt that way for so very long. I never wanted twins, I was just scared and stressed any time I imagined having twins, and both the pregnancy and the newborn weeks were incredibly hard for me. I wouldn't give them back for the world, ever, but there have been many times I really wish I could have had them one at a time.

It's only recently, in the last month or two, that I can get past the freaked out feeling and start to feel pure joy at having two such beautiful babies. It took awhile, and I used to feel horribly guilty at how ambivalent my feelings were.

You gotta be easy on yourself. It's not easy, and it's a perfectly rational and reasonable reaction to be upset and freaked out.
post #27 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by smallmama View Post
You know, this thought just occurred to me - how do you know they're fraternal? From my understanding, it's very difficult to definitively detect in utero, unless you know they're different sexes (which it seems too early for you to know if you're due in Jan). They could just as likely be identical, which would make it just a totally random fluke. Would that make you feel better? Either way, you will handle it, I promise!
Exactly what I was thinking. And I'm glad someone else beat me to the education bit.

I'm putting money down now on identicals for you. I was right about my own - at 9 weeks I said "it's identical girls" and sure enough, that's what I have. I guess we'll see in January!
post #28 of 55
I really don't know what to say. You have been blessed with a pregnacy and I understand the fear that it is double the fun but I really think trying to find blame is pointless, it is what it is and it is a blessing. We will never know why things happen but they do. Congratulations, and I hope you find peace in your excting journey. If you can run marathons you can do twins!
post #29 of 55
I can completely understand the shock. I believe my exact words were " you've gotta be f*ing kidding me" when the U/S Tech told me. *breath* it's going to be ok. MOST likely they are fraternal twins since Identical twins are rare and di/di identicals are even more rare (most share a placenta, but not all). You didn't "cause" anything and I believe that 31 is not considered advanced maternal age. Oh and don't worry about stigma... everyone is just going to assume twins run in your family even if they don't, heck even if you have identicals (which don't run in families). Just eat well, make sure you eat enough protein (this is completely doable on a vegan diet too) and try to enjoy this. Twin pregnancy is stressful, I won't lie, but it's better to not get overly stressed over little things. You CAN do it, you will do it and everything will be JUST fine. People will think you are supermom, but you just do what you have to. I've been told it's easier having twins first because then you don't know any different. You're having twins! How special is that! Congratz mama!
post #30 of 55
You can defintiely do it. It's daunting at first but you can do it! I would definitely suggest seeking out your local mother of twins club. You can look at the National Mother of Twins club website at www.nomotc.org

Good luck!
post #31 of 55
I'm pretty sure I read in Dr. Luke's book that about 30% of monozygotic twins are di/di. Not that rare.
post #32 of 55
It's okay to be scared. It's okay to be filled with mixed feelings. As much as people try and shove the "be happy it's a blessing" stuff down your throat, you may not always feel that way and that is 100 percent okay.

That being said, you might want to try to start learning how to not wig out at every little thing, because it'll go easier on you once they get here. Because you WILL learn how not to wig out, even if the the universe has to beat it out of you. That's one of the very real blessings of having twins. Honestly, now, 4 years out I am FAR FAR more relaxed and able to "be in the moment" now than I was pre-twins, and I credit them for that.

Will you get extra comments? Yeah, especially when they're babies, not so much as they get older. And really, in the obnoxious comment department you really can't win. No matter what kind of child or children you have, how crunchy or mainstream you are, ect. there will always be plenty of people who will find fault or delight in telling you horrific stories. You'd be getting them even with one, trust me. Just keep reading around the other boards at MDC, and you will see jaw droppingly obtuse commentary by strangers to other board members who don't have twins.

Sometimes life with twins means learning to have faith without certainty, to have joy in the midst of the unknown and unexpected.

But don't let people make you feel like a freak if you're not dancing through flowery fields and farting rainbows right after you find out you're having twins. What you're feeling is normal. Learning how to relax now, how to reach out for help and support now, that's something that's important. I found meditation to be very helpful, as well as my (very mainstream but lovable) mothers of twins club.
post #33 of 55
Who cares!!! You are one of the lucky few that has the chance to raise two precious babies and you will love it (after they turn 1 ) I too was very shocked that I was pregnant with twins. I knew it could happen b/c I have fraternal uncles (on my maternal side) but never dreamed it would happen to me. I was very scared but never wondered "why me" I was happy and felt so lucky to be able to conceive, carry, and birth 2 healthy (but early) babies.

I might have missed it somewhere but are you having boy/girl twins? If not and they are the same sex, you could likely be carrying ID twins. Mine had seperate sacs and placentas and was told the whole time that they were fraternals. After they were born they had the same eye/hair color, looked just a like and had the same blood type. At 4 months old we did a DNA test and they are ID. Just thought I would pass that on in case you are carrying GG or BB twins.

Try not to stress about it, it will all work out in the end. Just remember, after they are born, if anyone offers you help TAKE IT!
post #34 of 55
What you're feeling is normal. It is so normal it even has a name: twinshock. Mine began to subside - somewhat - when the girls turned about six months old. I still feel it off and on and they'll be four in a few weeks.

Hang in there. Check the sticky at the top of this forum for links to great books.

You're not alone, you're not a freak. I'm glad this thread got moved to this forum, you'll find out that you're in FABULOUS company, and that it's good to be insane!

Hang in there, and keep breathing, keep breathing.
post #35 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by fyrebloom View Post
I can completely understand the shock. I believe my exact words were " you've gotta be f*ing kidding me" when the U/S Tech told me. *breath* it's going to be ok.
Yeah, the first words out of my mouth were "Holy sh!t!" : : I, too, was in shock and didn't know how we would handle it (it wasn't part of our "plan", and I am a planner). But you do learn to handle it, to make arrangements (psychological and financial and whatever else), and you learn to ask for help and you do it. You just do. I marvel at single parents, at special needs parents, at anyone who is dealing with something beyond what is "normal" in my experience, and then realized that we are all just doing the best we can with the cards we were dealt -- and you will too. (Not meaning to diminish the incredible work of single or special needs parents here... just trying to compare to how you can't always plan, and how somehow you still manage to cope - a big lesson I have learned since having twins.)

Congratulations on your babes!

P.S. I spent a lot of time wondering what had happened the day that one embryo of ours turned in to two, and still am very curious about the science of MZ twinning... but I think about it less in a "what went wrong" kind of way and more in a "wow, that was cool" kind of way. It took time to get there, though.

ANd -- it took me many months to get over the initial twinshock (see above comment re: planning) and until nine months to feel OK about actually having twins (and 15 months before I thought it was "fun"). Everyone is different, and it is a huge shock, so be gentle with yourself as you start shifting your perspective on reality.
post #36 of 55
I'm another DIJ mama! I am still feeling those waves of "what am I going to do? HOW am I going to do this?" fairly often. Ours was an unplanned pregnancy, and we have a lot of stuff going on (building a house 2 months after they are born!) we run our own business and are just busy in general. I kind of figured out it was twins so I wasn't totally shocked by the US tech, I saw immediately they were twins before she ever said anything. I Had told DH and a few friends I suspected twins but I don't think any of them really belived me until they saw the US pics! I dont really wonder "how" it happened b/c I am sure I ovulated twice that month (why we DTD I have no idea, but we kinda slipped up on our NFP and decided to not care that particular night). I keep remembering that these babies will be so lucky to have each other. I have two girls 21 months apart and they are so close, I love to watch them play together. These babies will always have a playmate/friend like that, and that is just something really special. That's what I remember when I get freaked out!

Congratulations!!!
post #37 of 55
National Geographic had a special on multiples several months ago, it was fascinating. They actually said something like 25-50% (I can't remember the exact number) started off as fraternal twins, but most of the time the twin "vanishes" before the first trimester ends....so many people didn't even know they were originally pregnant with twins. There is also evidence of this on placentas. So, really, fraternal twins are a LOT more common than we ever get to see. Women release 2 eggs more often than previously thought....you were just lucky enough for them both to fertilize and implant.

http://channel.nationalgeographic.co...wombmultiples/
post #38 of 55
I just had a really great post almost finished and then I accidently hit my "back" button and lost the whole thing. I hate when that happens!

So I'll try to remember some of my rambling. I found out I was having my first set of twins when I was 5 1/2 months. I did not have an ultrasound until I had gained 9 pounds in a month twice. And I cried. I had no idea how I was going to do it by myself. Luckily I had already moved back in with my mother or I would have been scrambling to figure out what I was going to do. So just think - you could have done this 10 years ago! At least you have more wisdom (hopefully) than when you were 21.

I also have boy/girl twins even though there is no family history of twins in my mother's line as far back as we can see. (Which is pretty far back since my grandmother does geneology work.) Talk about a FREAK! Even my family calls me a freak of nature. People ask me all the time if twins run in my family and I think half of them don't believe me when I say "no." I try to explain, "Identical twins just happen - nobody really knows why. And fraternal twins come from the mother's side and there are no twins in her family." You would not believe the looks of horror and exclamations I get when people find out I have two sets! It's actually entertaining sometimes.

So just try and relax and enjoy your pregnancy because before you know it they'll be here and you will wish they were back inside (at least once - even as uncomfortable as a twin pregnancy can be!) It truly is a miracle and I think God is sending people twins that he know can handle it. So consider it a compliment. You will get through it and once you have them you will wonder what you did with your life before you had them. Some days I wonder what I did with all my time and what exactly was important to me before I had kids. It's so fun to watch the twins interact; one just seems so boring now. We are going to be trying again in the next year or so (see...it's not so bad that I won't have any more - even with my chances of having twins again, which I figure to be at least 90%) and I think I will be almost disappointed if it's just one. How boring to only have one at a time.

Wow what a novel. Sorry guys. I guess I'm just SO excited to have a group of twin moms who aren't so mainstream. It's hard to even find singleton parents who I can relate to so it's so nice to bond with people who are so like-minded. Thanks.
post #39 of 55
Congrats to you. I know it is alot to take in right now but the rewards of being a mulitple mom are too numerous to count. I do want to reiterate that depsite what you have been told (and many others it appears!) it is still possible you are having identical twins. like another poster said, it depends on when the egg splits as to how many placentas and sacs there are. It amazes me that doctors can still be this ignorant on the matter. sorry, off my rant. Joining a mulitples group is an awesome idea. they were a big support to me when i had mine. s: It really isn't as bad as it sounds.
post #40 of 55
Thread Starter 
thanks everyone! You all are really really amazing people. I've been lurking this board for YEARS (I used to be a doula and labor & delivery RN VERY passionate about natural birth and CHOICES and so I guess I am also mourning the fact I will likely not get that. The midwives now aren't allowed to deal with me cause I am considered a "high risk" pregnancy just because they are twins

ANYWAY I want you all to know reading your comments are helping me tremendously. I am NOT a person who easily "let's go" so this will surely be a lesson if anything else!
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