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I'm so confused (I'm pregnant with fraternal twins) - Page 3

post #41 of 55
I had my first set of fraternal twins (boys) at age 22 and my second set of fraternal twins (boy/girl) at age 28. There is NO history of twins in the family whatsoever! It was overwhelming at first but to me it was "normal" to have twins since I had nothing to compare it with and luckily the second set were a breeze compared to my first! Now they are 14 yrs. old and 8 yrs. old!

My neice just had fraternal twin boys 4 weeks ago - she already has 4 yr old and 2 yr old daughters!
post #42 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleMonkey View Post
tI guess I am also mourning the fact I will likely not get that. The midwives now aren't allowed to deal with me cause I am considered a "high risk" pregnancy just because they are twins
Yeah, my midwife dropped me like a hot potato as soon as we realized I was having twins.
post #43 of 55
On the issue of "letting go" my doctor, also a mom of twins, said to me that from pregnancy through the first five years, just say no to everything you don't absolutely have to do. It's very liberating. She was right. I developed a bit of a spine through this experience that I don't know if I would have had otherwise.

Keep breathing.
post #44 of 55
I just wanted to say that I think you do still have choices. I chose to have a homebirth with my second set of twins and wish I had been that educated when I had my first set. You can still have a natural birth and probably a vaginal one, but you need to find a care provider who will support you and understands that yes, there are increased risks with twins, but that does not mean that there needs to be the ever-controlling c-section. Just do a lot of research so you feel like you have some control in the whole process. Knowledge is power.
post #45 of 55
I second that. I was dropped by my midwives, but I ended up finding others. Mine worked with a couple of Drs that were supportive of vaginal breech delivery for a first twin even! There are great practitioners out there and just because you have twins doesn't mean all your plans are going to go out the window. There is a higher risk of c-section with twins, but it's not a given! Many of the ladies here not only had vaginal births, but some had beautiful homebirths and even UCs!
post #46 of 55
You've got a lot of time to find a practitioner that suits you. And be willing to change up to the last minute if you need to. You have options!

I'm also a doula. When I first found out I was having twins, very quickly I developed a sense of dread... knowing the risks and the practitioner options. But I got over it very quick when I remembered it was my body, my babies, and that I have options. In my case, UC was the best option.

The quote that became my mantra was from Sheila Kitzinger's chapter on twin pregnancy in her The Complete Book of Pregnancy & Childbirth:

(emphasis mine)
Quote:
Bear in mind that a multiple pregnancy may increase your blood pressure, cause aches and pains and varicose veins, and put stress on your pelvis, simply because there are two or more babies bouncing around in there and being nurtured by your body. Yet there is no reason that the whole experience of pregnancy should be medicalized. It can be an exciting and happy experience in which you are in charge. Examine the evidence, weigh the advice the professionals give you and come to your own decisions about the birth.
post #47 of 55
Thread Starter 
thanks everyone (AGAIN! You all are so great). And I really liked that quote!
post #48 of 55
Purple Monkey-I live in NC, too. My twins were born at home and I'm definitely not the first mom to have twins at home in this state. So the idea of not having a natural birth is not out the window, you just have to decide where you want to have your twins and if homebirth is an option, I can give you some names. Like other twin moms on here, it was a shock to me as well. I had a 2 yr old dd and was almost 6 months along when we confirmed twins with an U/S. It just happens. I only know of a couple of sets of fraternal twins on my mom's side and they were like my grandmother's cousins and stuff. I didn't even have health insurance. I ended up being really alone during my pregnancy and their first year due to a husband who just really didn't have any interest in us. I went through a divorce and landed on my feet, now having a baby (or babies-hehe) with the most amazing man of my life. So hang in there. We really are only given what we can handle. All of this to say that right now, the girls are snuggling in my bed playing make believe and I just can't imagine life without them as twins ;-) It is so rewarding.
post #49 of 55
I really don't have much to add, I think every one covered it but. I was total scared. DH take to physically make me go to our 2nd u/s I was crying and terrified they'd find a 3rd. This was an unplanned pg, our dd was just 12mths. We found out I was pg at 11wks, I had NO CLUE and then twins at 18wks : very shocking to say the least. We've had quite the year+

But having twins really can be quite wonderful and utterly exhausting, at time. Sometimes when I'm watching them sleep I well all up, but then sometimes they're fighting with each other screaming and I'm ready to rip my hair out.

"Life is a journey, try to enjoy the trip" that's been my motto since the twins.

Yes VERY much connect iwth your local m.o.ms group, ours has been sooo much help to us especially in the begining when poor Dominic was so sick
post #50 of 55
One of the PPs is right....they could still be identical. The only way you can tell fraternal vs. identical is if they share one or both sacs...and that's the only way to determine for sure identical. There is no way to determine, for sure, fraternal (unless of course they're opposite genders).

My cousin was told she was having fraternal twins because of the separate sacs. Her boys couldn't BE more identical in looks .

And big s. I was upset about being pregnant with twins--they were unplanned, and I went through long stages of being upset, resentful, and completely overwhelmed. I also wanted to find the "reason" this had happened to me. That's normal and it's completely okay. Ride it out, feel what you need to feel, and in the end you'll be in a healthier emotional place to become a mom.

If it helps, by the time they were born I was happy and excited to be a mom. The first few months were overhwleming, for sure, but you survive that and go on to have an incredible mothering experience. You won't want to trade it for ANYTHING (but you might not want to do it all over again, if that makes sense ).

s and best of luck. Be gentle with yourself, and allow yourself time to process this incredible change in your life. Acceptance and peace might not come easy, but it will come.
post #51 of 55
I'm new to this forum, but I just wanted to add my thoughts. When I found out I has having twins I definately went into twin shock. It was the first time in my life that I felt I had no control over what was happening. It sounds like that's where you are right now, but take comfort in knowing that it's normal, and probably necessary just to process the information. My fraternal girls are now 22 months old and of course, we can't imagine life without them. I have two older girls and they're a joy as well, but having twins and watching them interact, and even watching them sleep together when they were babies was and is amazing. I seriously doubted my ability to take care of two babies at the same time, I literally thought it would be impossible, but it's not. Now I kind of laugh when people say to me" How do you do it" because I used to be one of them!
post #52 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedOakMomma View Post
One of the PPs is right....they could still be identical. The only way you can tell fraternal vs. identical is if they share one or both sacs...and that's the only way to determine for sure identical. There is no way to determine, for sure, fraternal (unless of course they're opposite genders).
There are DNA tests - I would consider that a "for sure" method...
post #53 of 55
I am having spontaneous triplets. Sometimes it just happens.
post #54 of 55
Mine had their own sacs. Not sure if shared a placenta or it was two that merged together. Fraternal/identical? Not sure. We're doing the DNA test eventually.
post #55 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by wendyjoe View Post
There are DNA tests - I would consider that a "for sure" method...
I'm pretty sure RedOakMomma meant there's no way to tell for sure in utero. You probably can do in utero DNA testing but there would have to be one heck of a good reason to do it.
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