Are you inseminating in August? *edited title for inclusivity* - Page 8

[BurtsGirl]

Originally Posted by pranava

Well, the full moon inlluminated a BFN. Depressing. I was really trying to not get my hopes up, but I seemed to have so many signs? Fuller breasts, cramping that I never get before AF, bleeding when I brushed my teeth this morning. I know it's only 11DPO, but it hard to keep up hope. I just had to share with you guys cuz DW isn't nearly as dissapointed as I am. She's right, it's only our first try, but I've been wanting this for years so I feel like it should just happen. Obvioulsy, patience is not one of my strong points.

Awe Pranava I know exactly how you feel. I went into the insem thinking this was just the trail run, because we didn't really know what to expect or what we were doing and now my hopes are up. I want that BFP because I feel like I've been waiting for so long already. It's still not over till AF comes but I can understand the disappointment.

[KnittingTigers]

Originally Posted by pranava

Well, the full moon inlluminated a BFN. Depressing. I was really trying to not get my hopes up, but I seemed to have so many signs? Fuller breasts, cramping that I never get before AF, bleeding when I brushed my teeth this morning. I know it's only 11DPO, but it hard to keep up hope. I just had to share with you guys cuz DW isn't nearly as dissapointed as I am. She's right, it's only our first try, but I've been wanting this for years so I feel like it should just happen. Obvioulsy, patience is not one of my strong points.

I'm sorry.

It's true though, that 11 dpo is early, especially if you're not using super-concentrated urine. Try tomorrow with fmu? Fingers crossed for you!

You know, this whole process is such an emotional rollercoaster, and it's totally understandable to be really, really sad when it doesn't work out. I got pregnant the first time, and then lost the pregnancy at 3 weeks. It was so early that if I hadn't been trying, I might never have known I was pregnant, and yet, I could not stop crying for two solid days. My GF tried to be supportive, but I don't think she really understood. Her attitude was, "well, if you get upset every time it doesn't work out, you'll make yourself crazy." And that's true. But it's also okay to take the time to feel sad, especially the first time, when you have so many hopes riding on it all. What's really important is to find ways to nurture yourself along the way, and to give yourself the space to feel whatever you feel, because this is a big, emotional process, and your feelings are indeed valid.

I became convinced this morning that I'm not pregnant, because when I was last time my breasts were sore at 4dpo (today), and they aren't this time. So now, instead of doing work, I'm obsessively browsing sperm donors and repeatedly poking my breasts to check for signs of tenderness. At this rate, they'll be sore by the afternoon, regardless of whether I'm pregnant or not...

[KnittingTigers]

Originally Posted by BurtsGirl

We checked my cervix throughout the day yesterday and it was wide open and stayed that way. It was actually still open this morning. So I really don't know what to think anymore. I plan to keep checking it until it's closed because I'm just curios now. Isn't it supposed to close after you O? Or does it take a little bit of time to close? Anyway all this cervix-gazing, as we are calling it now, has been pretty neat, but it certainly has not helped the sex life, !

Depends on how old you are. Women in their late 30s and 40s tend to close right after O. If you're in your 20s or earlier 30s it can take up to 24 hours afterwards. Mine didn't close until the day after my thermal shift. But definitely keep checking it 'til it closes. Just in case it didn't work this time, you'll want the data for next month.

I hear you on the sex thing. Specula just aren't so sexy...

Good luck, and lots of baby dust!

[frog]

When we were ttc, it changed our sex life dramatically, and not for the better.

[MujerMamaMismo]

BFN @ 12dpo and PMS has taken over my life : I know it could be a symptom of pregnancy but I think I would be clutching at straws to believe it is the case for me.

And we can't insem next month 'cos our donor is going to Italy :

[Jwebbal]

day 14 and bfn, early tests too. Not happy, I think we need to move on to IVF, should have some time ago.

[BurtsGirl]

MMM and JoAnne s

[thismama]

Gah. I'm sorry, Jwebbal and MMM.

[kjm]

Originally Posted by MujerMamaMismo

And we can't insem next month 'cos our donor is going to Italy :

I'm soo sorr about the PMS, but the break may not be all that bad. I know you just got into the game and its hard to take a break so soon, but we did our 1st insem in May took June off (DP was neck deep in school work and we were moving!!) and came back to it in July--The off month flew past and it gave me a month to really commit to the process, read even more books and get my whole vitamin/supplement regiment down. I appreciated the break---so there my friend---I found that silver lining for you, so you don't have to.
To Mujer and prav I echo Angela in saying its ok to be sad
On a hopeful note but many of my friends have told stories of "picking" or "finding" their parents. Ex: my friend Anna (6 yo) says that her labor came late, "because she was trying to sneak by the angels" (story told at 3 yo). My best friend growing up, his first words were a complete sentence "Before I picked you to be my mommy and you to be my daddy I was a soldier and we marched like that" (pointing to a passing parade). Another friend's mother had a miscarriage and got pregnant right after. When that baby was 3 yo he said "Mommy I always loved you so much. I wanted you to be my mommy. Thats why I climbed in your belly and pushed that other baby out" CREEPY--You got goosebumps yet????
So each cycle that ends with AF makes me think, "Guess my baby didn't pick us yet" Its kinda like dodgeball accept people (straight and queer alike) are ALWAYS TTCing and so you never have to worry about being picked LAST

[Jwebbal]

kjm, I know you mean well, I really do. But please understand that your words can be hurtful to some of us. Having been trying off and on for almost 2 years now, and things are getting very difficult, I can't be easily soothed by tales that my "baby" just hasn't "picked us yet". No offense meant, and no apologies needed, I just thought I might tell you.

[MujerMamaMismo]

Thanks for the hugs and warm words all - as of now, I am officially clutching at straws : - I've been feeling like this period is coming for over 2 days now. I have felt sure that I was bleeding since I woke up this morning (8hrs ago) and still no blood. My period is actually not due for another 36hrs or so. I still have hope. Do you think I'm delusional?

Love and warm wishes to you JoAnne.

[Jwebbal]

thanks, I appreciate the support everyone, I forgot to say that. It's been a bad day, let's just put it at that.

[MujerMamaMismo]

Originally Posted by kjm

I'm soo sorr about the PMS, but the break may not be all that bad. I know you just got into the game and its hard to take a break so soon, but we did our 1st insem in May took June off (DP was neck deep in school work and we were moving!!) and came back to it in July--The off month flew past and it gave me a month to really commit to the process, read even more books and get my whole vitamin/supplement regiment down. I appreciated the break---so there my friend---I found that silver lining for you, so you don't have to.

Oh yeah - we've been saying all along that that's the silver lining! I think, in a world where patience was plentiful, that I'd probably choose to only insem every second month...I've no doubt it would benefit my mental health greatly. But alas, I'm bound to be impatient and neurotic for the rest of my life methinks : .

And I totally shivered at your goosebump story - I love stories like that - though I can understand why after 2 years of trying, it wasn't JoAnne's thing.

[kjm]

Originally Posted by Jwebbal

kjm, I know you mean well, I really do. But please understand that your words can be hurtful to some of us. and no apologies needed, I just thought I might tell you.

They may not be needed but I feel the need to apologize to all that I have offended. I have difficulty with sappy--though I'm a highly emotionally person, I often jump right through sappy and sad (publicly) and run with optimism and awkward thought processes in attempt to foster hope out of despair. In reality, I cried myself to sleep last night because I'm not sure this board is a good idea for me...I was sooo excited to find community and answers and other people going through this process, but this being my first "board experience" I wasn't expecting to care so damn much about all of you. I am deeply sadden by each BFN I hear of--and I'm sorry that I tuned out your pain Jwe, and missed the detail of the incredible journey you have been on, and was speaking to those of us just starting the journey, desperately looking for some "keep your chins up girls" words. I deeply appologize.

[BurtsGirl]

MMM, no blood=still hope! Hang in there girl!

kjm, I, myself, thoroughly enjoyed your story. It gave me a little peace so thank you for sharing it. I'm pretty conveinced that we insemed too early at this point although I'm not counting out all hope. I loved your point of view about taking a month off and how it allowed you to read more and get more comfortable with the process.

This was a huge learning experience for us. We weren't even supposed to start trying until Nov but moved it up because it just felt right. In a way I'm glad we did because we did learn a lot! And there is still the possibility that I'm pregnant. We plan to try again in Sept and then if that doesn't work we'll be doing IUI's with a doc in Nov.

And speaking of patience, MMM. I just blogged about that yesterday. Here's the excert "...I guess it’s back to waiting. I am so tired of waiting. First I had to wait to start TTC then I had to wait for the paperwork to go through. Next I had to wait to get the goods then wait until I had a +OPK. Don’t forget waiting to O and now the 2 week wait to see if I’m pregnant. THEN I have to wait 9 months to have the kid. Geez! I swear if this whole process doesn’t teach me patience I don’t think I’ll ever learn it."

As far as this board goes, kjm, I'm with you on that. I've had to limit my participation on some threads because it just was making me crazy obsess. And last night I thought I might have to limit it some more. I love this community but I feel like my life is on hold at the moment and I can't seem to move forward. So I'm hoping if I'm not on here 24/7 I'll be able to get back into the things I was doing before TTC. I certainly didn't know this process would be so all-consuming.

[pranava]

confused?

Thanks for all your kind words BurtsGirl and AngelaM. They really mean a lot to me. And KJM, I love to hear those stories they do give me so much hope.

So here's my confusion - Last night I had waves of hottness, followed by severe hunger, followed by nausea, for more than 2 hours. I decided I did not believe the BFN. I feel pregnant. I temped this morning below cover line? BFN with FMU. Then 1 hour later somewhere between spotting and bleeding. AF not due for 4 days. I'm sometimes late by a day, hardly ever early by a day, never early by 4 days. AF for me always starts like Niagra Falls - Full Force.

Is this Implantation Bleeding? I'm very worried about this low tem at 12dpo!

[thismama]

Originally Posted by pranava

So here's my confusion - Last night I had waves of hottness, followed by severe hunger, followed by nausea, for more than 2 hours. I decided I did not believe the BFN. I feel pregnant. I temped this morning below cover line? BFN with FMU. Then 1 hour later somewhere between spotting and bleeding. AF not due for 4 days. I'm sometimes late by a day, hardly ever early by a day, never early by 4 days. AF for me always starts like Niagra Falls - Full Force.

Is this Implantation Bleeding? I'm very worried about this low tem at 12dpo!

Hard to know. It could be implantation bleeding. Do you ever spot before AF? Temp dip *could* be an implantation dip, and if you are just implanting now that would explain the BFN - it takes at least 2-3 days after implantation to get a positive. I don't know if an implantation dip goes below coverline or not.

Gah. Waiting is so hard! I am sending ++++++++++ vibes.

[pranava]

Nope, I never spot before AF - just a heavy flow of bright red blood(sorry TMI)

This is more like EWCM mixed with blood making it thin and pinkish orange.

Thanks for the +++++++ vibes!
Pranava

[simcon]

kjm, I hope you don't leave. I did also like your stories, though we have been trying quite some time (about 15 months). My daughter is convinced that there will be 2 more babies coming to our family, and I also take comfort in her certainty about it, even as I know it can be a hard road (as does she at this point, since I had a miscarriage last year that was tough for all of us), and I'm also aware that it may not, in fact, work out the way she imagines.

And I find the enthusiasm of you all who are new to the process invigorating (I was there not that long ago--only about 5 years!)

I'm going in for an insemination in a bit (today!), so I will join you afterwards in the tww.... Had my first trigger shot yesterday--has anyone had one and experienced a much stronger ovulation sensation than without?

[kjm]

Originally Posted by simcon

kjm, I hope you don't leave.

I never meant to make an idle threat here ladies--come on your making me feel like such a DRAMA QUEEN...I'm not going anywhere--obviously!!! I was just sharing how intense this process has been for me. I'm glad to have found y'all but it is hard to ride this roller coaster together right??? But it definitely beats riding it alone!

Baby dust and positive thoughts all around