S/O: If you let your kids have sex at home.. - Page 4

[lovesdaffodils]

[trmpetplaya]

Originally Posted by attachedmamaof3

I find this whole thing verrry interesting on several levels.

I had sex for the first time at 17. Don't regret it one bit.
Am a statistic for teenage pregnancy in GA.
Have been with my HS sweetheart for going on 12 yrs now. (Married for 4).
Never spent the night with him. Both of us grew up in EXTREMELY strict religious households (as in virgin until marriage or death type homes)

I consider myself to be very sex positive. However, I am not planning on hosting any boyfriend/girlfriend sleepovers. Not because of sexual aspects, but because it's not in my comfort level. I educate my children on sexuality and will be supportive of when they decide to begin exploration, of course I hope it will be "emotionally meaningful" but truthfully I couldn't care less as long as they are comfortable. As far as the age debate, it really depends on the child. There were many 14 yr olds that I knew that were more responsible than 18 yr olds...so go figure.

Sexuality is a natural progression into adulthood. I will not stifle or shame this curiosity and instinct.

I guess I'm also "one of the impossible few" that did have that level of committment that's non-existant in today's teenagers? Maybe instead of worrying about our teenagers having sex (which will happen with or without sleepovers) perhaps we should be preparing our children on HOW to pick their partners! Maybe we should be arming them with knowledge both on BC AND on what the red flags of domestic violence are. What makes a "nice guy". The fact that how a man treats his mother (and/or sisters) can give a clue on how he'll treat you. How to talk/listen to women. How intelligence is just as important as breasts. How to treat a woman as an equal. That to me is MUCH more important than whether or not my 15 yr old is experimenting with sex.

I agree with you on all counts. I was barely 18 when dh and I first had sex (we dated in high school as well) and he was 17.5 at that point. Neither of us regret it and we're still together. We're 24 years old now and have been married for almost 4 years and dating for almost 7. Both of our parents were strict "wait till marriage" type-parents as well. We had sex a couple of times at dh's parents' house when they weren't home. We would never have dared to try that at my parents' house though...

We spent a lot of quality time in cars...

love and peace.

[attachedmamaof3]

LOL...cars and DP's basement were our best friends!!

[Starr]

Originally Posted by trmpetplaya

I agree with you on all counts. I was barely 18 when dh and I first had sex (we dated in high school as well) and he was 17.5 at that point. Neither of us regret it and we're still together. We're 24 years old now and have been married for almost 4 years and dating for almost 7. Both of our parents were strict "wait till marriage" type-parents as well. We had sex a couple of times at dh's parents' house when they weren't home. We would never have dared to try that at my parents' house though...

We spent a lot of quality time in cars...

love and peace.

Thats pretty much how we are. I have a good story a year after we were married we moved into our house and DH and my dad were setting up our bed, which used to be my old bed when I was at home. They both started attaching the headboard to the frame and my dad said something like yeah I remember this was a pian when she was at home (getting the screws to line up at once). DH clearly NOT THINKING said yeah I can't count the number of times I had to unscrew the headboard to keep it from banging. My dad just looked at him and started laughing but DH was so embarrassed...

[Arduinna]

:

[Gendenwitha]

Originally Posted by Starr

Thats pretty much how we are. I have a good story a year after we were married we moved into our house and DH and my dad were setting up our bed, which used to be my old bed when I was at home. They both started attaching the headboard to the frame and my dad said something like yeah I remember this was a pian when she was at home (getting the screws to line up at once). DH clearly NOT THINKING said yeah I can't count the number of times I had to unscrew the headboard to keep it from banging. My dad just looked at him and started laughing but DH was so embarrassed...

Gee, a pillow behind the headboard worked for me...
: You don't know how hard I'm trying to laugh quietly so I don't wake the baby!

As to my .02 (although my oldest are 9 & 10):
For starters, my kids will have actual copies of the law on statutory rape in their hands, as soon as I can find an excuse to get it to them (oh, your friend Johnny's dating Joanie? Isn't she a little young for him? Hmm, let's look that up.)

I think their comfort is more important than me being a little uncomfortable with it, I'd rather have them at home than at a friend's house or in their car. Especially since now with the new laws, if they were to be arrested for indecent exposure for having consensual sex in their car, they would both have to register as sex-offenders. (Which has really cut back on dh & my adventurous nature! )

[limabean]

I find it interesting that everyone who answered the "would you allow your teens to consume alcohol and drugs in your home too" question said yes to alcohol but no to drugs "because they're illegal." But isn't alcohol consumption by a minor illegal too?

[lovesdaffodils]

Well I didn't definitively say no to marijuana, but I did say that was a consideration (the legality). The difference, IMO, is that alcohol is not illegal to possess. So if someone just found alcohol in my home, there would be nothing illegal about that because it would be mine and I am over 21. However, if marijuana is found in my home, no matter who it belongs to I could get in trouble.

[moondiapers]

Originally Posted by limabean

I find it interesting that everyone who answered the "would you allow your teens to consume alcohol and drugs in your home too" question said yes to alcohol but no to drugs "because they're illegal." But isn't alcohol consumption by a minor illegal too?

If this is true it'd be illegal for them to take communion in church.

It's legal for a parent, on their own property and not in public, to allow their child to drink. Yes would get into trouble for letting your child get snockered, or drink in public, or drink to the detriment of their health.....but alcohol isn't a substance that you could loose your home over, like MJ is.

[Arduinna]

Why would you lose your home to MJ? Do you not realize that MJ in CA was decriminalized in the 70's? Yeah it's illegal to grow and sell although there is the medical MJ law there that allows growing small amounts. But possession or use of a small amount will not result in home siezure.

[moondiapers]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

Why would you lose your home to MJ? Do you not realize that MJ in CA was decriminalized in the 70's? Yeah it's illegal to grow and sell although there is the medical MJ law there that allows growing small amounts. But possession or use of a small amount will not result in home siezure.

I'd loose my home for a couple of reasons. It's STILL illegal to have it. Federal Law superceded state law, and the federal government doesnt' like what CA hasn't been doing, and has been stepping in. I don't have a medical MJ card and I don't want one. And we'd both loose our jobs, thus loosing our home. My husband is in Law Enforcement. He'd loose his job and forfiet his pension. I'd loose my job as a licensed daycare. No job, no house. And there are still loopholes to sieze property that are being used where possible.

[mtiger]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

How do you deal with HPV at 25? Same thing. Age is not a determining factor in getting HPV.

But there's a vax that will help prevent it!

[Tradd]

Originally Posted by moondiapers

If this is true it'd be illegal for them to take communion in church.

It's legal for a parent, on their own property and not in public, to allow their child to drink. Yes would get into trouble for letting your child get snockered, or drink in public, or drink to the detriment of their health.....but alcohol isn't a substance that you could loose your home over, like MJ is.

There was a case here in the Chicago area recently. Parents in an upscale suburb had a party for their teenager & friends. Alcohol provided. At least 1 kid later died in a drunk-driving accident. The parents were arrested and went to trial, although I can't remember the outcome.

So, yeah, you could lose your house.

[holly6737]

Originally Posted by AbundantLife

I didn't have sex as a high schooler because:

I didn't want to get pregnant. (this was the most important reason)

I felt that sex was something to be shared between those in a committed relationship. I realized at a young age that I was fickle. I had strong feelings for one boy one week and another the next.

I wanted more out of a relationship and wanted to be respected. There were plenty of guys who would use a girl for sex and I preferred not to have a reputation.


My parents are liberal and have very liberal ideas when it comes to sex and life. However, they did not condone teen sex and I knew this. Believe it or not, this was another reason I didn't do it.

ITA!!! Honestly I'm extremely shocked that someone would condone sex in their house between teenagers. I totally agree that condoms should be available to kids free of charge in public places, like school, but I absolutely do not agree with encouraging sex among teenagers and people who aren't in a committed relationship. Have you never known anyone that's died from HIV? :

BTW- If I had a 14 year old daughter and that 14 year old daughter had a boyfriend and that boyfriend's parents told me that they were allowing them to have sex in their home I would be taking the parents to court- criminal and civil. It would not be pretty.

[Changed]

My oldest is still only in second grade but I read here, it's coming and I want to know how to deal with it.

Basically, if my daughter was willing to use BC at all times and terminate any pregnancy that occurred before she was an adult, I'd be ok with her being sexually active. In my home even! DH will probably not agree with that.

I don't know if I am what is considered sex positive, but I'd like to be. I don't like the shaming of what comes very naturally in teens. I'd really prefer that my daughter didn't date children of right wing types to prevent a lot of the problems that might arise from such a huge difference in morals and ethics.

And just curious, what the hell does romance have to do with abstinence or sex? People can't seriously believe there is no romance in pre-marital sex?!? "I want more for my daughter" is a condescending way of saying that parents who have different values don't care as much about their children. I want my DD to live and have sex on her own terms. Not be stifled and guilted by someone else's religion, God, status or reputation. Sounds kind of offensive when you turn it around like that doesn't it?

[Kathryn]

Mine are all still babies, but I plan to be very open about sex with them. They are free to have sex, legally. As long as they're both over the consent ages, it is of their own decision. In my home, out of my home, makes no difference to me. She would have to be on birth control and using protection for me to be ok with it though. I will provide both, no questions asked. Sleepovers are perfectly fine with me too.

Providing a safe place and safe sex practices for teens does not mean you're encouraging them to have sex. It just means you've got your head out of the sand and you're acknowledging it IS happening and you're taking the precautions to not end up with a pregnant or sick teen.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Tradd

There was a case here in the Chicago area recently. Parents in an upscale suburb had a party for their teenager & friends. Alcohol provided. At least 1 kid later died in a drunk-driving accident. The parents were arrested and went to trial, although I can't remember the outcome.

So, yeah, you could lose your house.

There is a big, big difference between allowing your own teen to have a glass of wine with dinner, and letting a bunch of kids get drunk and then drive home. Besides the fact that the first one is morally fine and the second one isn't, in the first case the law would never be involved, the the second it very well could be.

[readytobedone]

Originally Posted by AbundantLife

The bottom line here is that I want my children to remain children for as long as possible and once you cross the line, so to speak, your child is entering what I feel is adult responsiblity.

it always bothers me that people think children don't have sexualities. they do. there is no real "innocence" to childhood IMO and i'm not being cynical. my point is just, i was as sexual at 13 as i am now. i had sex at 15 and don't regret it one bit. i consented as fully as i consent to sex now, with a good awareness of the risks and consequences.

my ONLY regret is not being able to talk to my parents about any of it and slinking around feigning shame (when i wasn't really ashamed at all) because i knew i was breaking a "rule."

[Amber Lion]

Originally Posted by holly6737

BTW- If I had a 14 year old daughter and that 14 year old daughter had a boyfriend and that boyfriend's parents told me that they were allowing them to have sex in their home I would be taking the parents to court- criminal and civil. It would not be pretty.

Wow! You would place responsibility for your DAUGHTER'S choices on the parents of her chosen sexual partner?!?! Like your daughter has no say in it at all?!?! Give your hypothetical daughter some credit already.

[holly6737]

Originally Posted by Jörð

"I want more for my daughter" is a condescending way of saying that parents who have different values don't care as much about their children. I want my DD to live and have sex on her own terms. Not be stifled and guilted by someone else's religion, God, status or reputation. Sounds kind of offensive when you turn it around like that doesn't it?

It might sound offensive, but it's accurate. Yes, I want more for my kids than mutual masturbation. Sex is the union of two souls in the spirit of love, commitment, celebration of that love, trust and safety. It's not something to be taken lightly, it is sacred. I don't believe this way because of any religion or any God, but because that is what my body and my heart tell me. I want my sons growing up having respect for women and their bodies. How can they respect women and their bodies if every girl they come across is so insecure in herself and so in need of approval to just let anyone inside of her? An atmosphere of complete permissiveness when it comes to adolescent sex absolutely fosters and nurtures the objectification of women. I don't know what flavor of feminism you all subscribe to, but my flavor of feminism is against disrespecting women, against the objectification of women and against rape (and girls having sex under the age of consent is rape no matter what shade you color it).

I suppose what it all boils down to is your value system. My value system (which is not based on any God or religion as much as some of you might like to think) tells me that sex is more that an exchange of fluids. I guess if someone else's value system tells them that sex is merely a physical transaction and nothing more, then sure, let your CHILDREN have sex in your home. Just make sure to be responsible about it and drive them to the health department every three months for a complete STD/HIV screening, and be prepared for any of the tests to come back positive, because whether you think they're using condoms consistently or not, it is a possibility.