my birth story is posted in the birth stories section. but basically, i ended up with a necessary c/s after a 12-hour natural labor (at home) plus 3+ hours of drug-free pushing in the hospital in all kinds of positions. i had had a previous abdominal surgery (bladder augmentation), which meant that the c/s i ended up with was very very complicated (due to all the scar tissue and adhesions), took over an hour, resulted in a 10-inch long vertical incision (which took me 8 weeks to feel mostly recovered from), and DD had meconium aspiration and could not room-in with me. i didn't even see her until 4 hours after the birth. luckily our BF relationship worked out fine despite the very much less-than-ideal conditions.
i asked my OB why DD would not come out, and he gave me the "small pelvis" reason and, when i asked whether it could have anything to do with my previous surgery, said a firm no. i believed him at first, even though my gut told me otherwise. since then, though, i have talked with a midwife (in practice with my OB, ironically enough) who said that yes, the abdominal surgery almost certainly influenced the outcome. still, i wasn't too upset until--
yesterday i saw a urologist about something unrelated. the topic of the birth came up and i explained what happened. he was completely unsurprised. he's familiar with my surgery and said there's a big debate in urology right now about whether women with my surgery can deliver vaginally or not, and if they should even try. apparently, often it is too risky/complicated, or just doesn't work. so many are recommending c/s to be standard for these women.
i guess what i'm upset about is that no one told me this. i spoke with my OB repeatedly about my condition and the operation, ordered the post-op report for him to read and put in my file, and he never indicated that any of it was worrisome. the urologist yesterday told me that the OB really should have known that if he had to do a c/s, it would be complicated and he'd need to go in up high (OB had to cut my uterus open at the top, but kept trying to get in lower--hence the very long incision).
so i feel like i am being told that i could've ended up with a much less traumatic birth experience and much less horrendous c/s had my OB simply done his homework. when i was still lying on the table at one point, he did say, "i really should have--" but then stopped himself. i've often wondered what he was about to say. i feel like he knows that he screwed up but has been very careful not to admit it to me for CYA reasons. now i even question if he has since realized i was not EVER going to be able to deliver vaginally no matter what, probably should have had a scheduled c/s, and is trying to cover up that mistake as well.
it wouldn't bother me so much, except that i feel like they barely got DD out in time. there was already meconium and distress before they even prepped me for surgery, and then the surgery took over an hour. DH asked DD's doctor later, "how serious was that? it looked really serious," and the doc said, "we were dealing with very limited time."
i could be overreacting; i don't know. but i feel like my OB screwed up due to laziness and failure to research my situation, and it almost injured or killed my daughter. and now he KNOWS he screwed up and is doing everything he can to divert my attention from the real problem by telling me i have a small pelvis, and my surgery had nothing to do with what happened on DD's birthday.
i plan to ask my DD's doc to process/narrate what happened from his perspective to see how in danger she really was during that, since i don't actually know. but aside from doing that, where do i go from here? i was just getting over this horrible experience, and now i feel like i've been punched in the gut. what the hell is wrong with these doctors? why did no one take care of me? why was it apparently up to ME, a layperson, to research the medical risks? can i ever trust them again? when they say the next birth, if there is one, will be better, more controlled (which my OB has said, even though when i was on the table he indicated maybe i shouldn't have more kids
: )--can i believe that they actually will do their homework next time? find out what they need to know? what if they're ignorant about that, too?
i am so fuming mad about this and so hurt. i feel so betrayed.
i asked my OB why DD would not come out, and he gave me the "small pelvis" reason and, when i asked whether it could have anything to do with my previous surgery, said a firm no. i believed him at first, even though my gut told me otherwise. since then, though, i have talked with a midwife (in practice with my OB, ironically enough) who said that yes, the abdominal surgery almost certainly influenced the outcome. still, i wasn't too upset until--
yesterday i saw a urologist about something unrelated. the topic of the birth came up and i explained what happened. he was completely unsurprised. he's familiar with my surgery and said there's a big debate in urology right now about whether women with my surgery can deliver vaginally or not, and if they should even try. apparently, often it is too risky/complicated, or just doesn't work. so many are recommending c/s to be standard for these women.
i guess what i'm upset about is that no one told me this. i spoke with my OB repeatedly about my condition and the operation, ordered the post-op report for him to read and put in my file, and he never indicated that any of it was worrisome. the urologist yesterday told me that the OB really should have known that if he had to do a c/s, it would be complicated and he'd need to go in up high (OB had to cut my uterus open at the top, but kept trying to get in lower--hence the very long incision).
so i feel like i am being told that i could've ended up with a much less traumatic birth experience and much less horrendous c/s had my OB simply done his homework. when i was still lying on the table at one point, he did say, "i really should have--" but then stopped himself. i've often wondered what he was about to say. i feel like he knows that he screwed up but has been very careful not to admit it to me for CYA reasons. now i even question if he has since realized i was not EVER going to be able to deliver vaginally no matter what, probably should have had a scheduled c/s, and is trying to cover up that mistake as well.
it wouldn't bother me so much, except that i feel like they barely got DD out in time. there was already meconium and distress before they even prepped me for surgery, and then the surgery took over an hour. DH asked DD's doctor later, "how serious was that? it looked really serious," and the doc said, "we were dealing with very limited time."
i could be overreacting; i don't know. but i feel like my OB screwed up due to laziness and failure to research my situation, and it almost injured or killed my daughter. and now he KNOWS he screwed up and is doing everything he can to divert my attention from the real problem by telling me i have a small pelvis, and my surgery had nothing to do with what happened on DD's birthday.
i plan to ask my DD's doc to process/narrate what happened from his perspective to see how in danger she really was during that, since i don't actually know. but aside from doing that, where do i go from here? i was just getting over this horrible experience, and now i feel like i've been punched in the gut. what the hell is wrong with these doctors? why did no one take care of me? why was it apparently up to ME, a layperson, to research the medical risks? can i ever trust them again? when they say the next birth, if there is one, will be better, more controlled (which my OB has said, even though when i was on the table he indicated maybe i shouldn't have more kids
: )--can i believe that they actually will do their homework next time? find out what they need to know? what if they're ignorant about that, too?i am so fuming mad about this and so hurt. i feel so betrayed.
: I can't comment on the more technical aspects of your post, but I can post in agreement that it was a very good thing that you got to labor prior to your c/s. You know that baby was ready to be born. The flip side of the coin could be that you scheduled your c/s and u/s dating was off so you could have been separated from your baby due to respitory distress. Scheduling the c/s would have been no guarantee that there would have been no complications.
