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Is this a stupid letter to MIL? - Page 3

post #41 of 53
My MIL is a 1st grade teacher, so I kinda know what you are going thru. Last year I told her I was researching HSIng and asked about the curricula they use in the public school for comparison and to see they "style" that they use here. She just said she really hoped I changed my mind and then went into the social issues, ect. I don't think I would send any letter to her at all. If I want her opinion on a certain topic I can ask for it. I don't have to have her approval and I think that everyone knows by now that DH and I do what we think is best for our family. I certainly hope that mIL will help by lending us books, sharing ideas, ect. when the time comes. For now we are leaving it at "We are not sending DD to preschool and are doing preschooling at home" We do not know what next year holds (Look at my siggy, we are expecting twins!) so I cannot say for sure if we will send her or not, so why make it an issue now? I may not be able to HS for a while, we may send DD to K or 1st, then bring her home when the babies are bigger and I can HS all of them, or I may decide I just cannot send her and hope that mIL will help me by babysitting some. DH hopes that in the future MIL will retire and kind of co-school w/ me (we all live on a big farm, our houses are within walking distance of eachother) since we will have 4 kids that need schooling.

My take is don't send anything. Honestly right now you and your DH have not made any concrete plans, do not know the laws and need to keep this conversation/decision between the two of you before broadcasting it to those who will not support you. Have fun Preschooling!
post #42 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by chaos_pie View Post
I also feel that sending a letter is not a good choice. I feel that important conversations should be had in person. I think sending a letter is open for misinterpretation both about your intent and also your message (are you trying to set up a distant relationship? are you too scared to speak in person? why is the letter from just you and not her son?) I would be upset if someone that I cared about felt they needed to have important conversations by letter.
I think that probably sums up the underlying feeling a lot of us were getting - there's something just not quite comfortable about having to convery a message in email. On the other hand, you m-i-l did when she sent the one about how she was finding out details for you from a fellow teacher about getting him ready for kindergarten - but maybe it's best to just let that go and move on to communicating more casually in person. Lillian

post #43 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by Free Thinker View Post
DH hopes that in the future MIL will retire and kind of co-school w/ me (we all live on a big farm, our houses are within walking distance of eachother) since we will have 4 kids that need schooling
Oh dear, I hope he doesn't hope too hard, because it's usually pretty hard for a former teacher to scale down to what little formal teaching is required for children to learn when homeschooling. They're just used to having to think and operate in a very different way in a classroom with so many children. Lots of former teachers who went on to homeschooling - some around this forum - have expressed that very thing. But I'm sure it will all work out. Have fun! Lillian
post #44 of 53
By the way, FWIW, I'm not sure I ever really told most of our family we are homeschooling. I just slapped a big ol' homeschooling bumpersticker on our car and they figured it out!
post #45 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by raleigh_mom View Post
By the way, FWIW, I'm not sure I ever really told most of our family we are homeschooling. I just slapped a big ol' homeschooling bumpersticker on our car and they figured it out!


awesome.
post #46 of 53
I just refuse to talk about it with my ILs. They are against it but I don't care. My view is, once they have spent the time researching it that I have, or at least make an effort and read a few books (since I've spent years researching I'm not really expecting them to put in that kind of time but I use it as a defense mechanism) then I'll talk about it. As of now, I am not going to defend myself and explain everything to people who only want to parrot the basic "But how will they learn to SOCIALIZE???" questions at me. I just give answers that are neither here nor there and deflect them. At one point when I was first beginning researching hs I thought that I should send out an email to family so they'd know, just kind of get it out of the way. Luckily I rethought because that would've just made it seem like it was up for debate. The way I handle it now they know that they have no say and that the points they bring up are worthless to me. Honestly, who goes into hsing not thinking of where the children will socialize??? Do they think we just decide one day out of the blue to hs and then never think of it again? Anyway, that's my screwed up family in your case, if your MIL is one to get on your case about it, I wouldn't send a letter. Next time she says something about getting ready for school I'd just laugh and say, "Oh yeah, it is so great that we won't have to deal with that/buy that/go through that/etc. since we'll be homeschooling!" And follow it up with the greatest line ever (and one that I learned from this board) "Now, would you like some bean dip?"
post #47 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by raleigh_mom View Post
By the way, FWIW, I'm not sure I ever really told most of our family we are homeschooling. I just slapped a big ol' homeschooling bumpersticker on our car and they figured it out!
I might have to use that idea to get the word out to the family who haven't found out yet!
post #48 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by raleigh_mom View Post
By the way, FWIW, I'm not sure I ever really told most of our family we are homeschooling. I just slapped a big ol' homeschooling bumpersticker on our car and they figured it out!
OMG. If only you could see how hard I'm laughing.
post #49 of 53
By the way, I'm with those who say you shouldn't send the letter...but I have to say, if I was your MIL, I would love you.
post #50 of 53
Whatever you send, I'd make sure all of the words were spelled correctly and that all punctuation was correct. Fair or not, I think educators of any kind are held to a higher standard than the general public when it comes to their writing samples. I know if I received a letter from the person intending to educate someone I cared about, I'd be concerned if it was full of grammar mistakes and words spelled incorrectly. It should also flow well, but that's more difficult to accomplish, whereas the spelling and grammar are easy fixes.
post #51 of 53
Thread Starter 
woah, I am tt catch up!!!!!:
post #52 of 53
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by raleigh_mom View Post
By the way, FWIW, I'm not sure I ever really told most of our family we are homeschooling. I just slapped a big ol' homeschooling bumpersticker on our car and they figured it out!

Great idea-I was thinking about the "Unsocialized Homeschoolers On Board" one.
post #53 of 53
I think you shold skip the letter and next time they bring up school say something like...

"Yes we are so excited too! We've got an awesome super exclusive school and teacher lined up. Plus, can you believe this? The school moves the teacher on with the class each year!"

When they give you the puzzled look/questions you can continue "Yes, we've decided to homeschool and I'm so thrilled to have my ds home with me so I can share in everything he's learning and be there for all those priceless Aha! moments!"

Then if they start to ask more in depth questions you can follow up with how you truly feel this is your calling from God and that you are deep in research to make your final choices for this year. If she makes specific recommendations say "Interesting, I'll take that into consideration" or "Hmm, really?" Don't feel like you have to explain everything, just assure them that you've gotten it taken care of (even if you aren't sure yet). You want to project an air of confidence in yourself as a mom and a teacher.

You want mil to think you've gotten it so all together that you can handle anything. I agree, know your laws, pick a free curriculum that you could maybe use a little of and if she asks about what you are going to teach just confidently say "Well, we are starting with "5 in a Row" It's got so many great ideas and activities for every day and it's literature based..." and whatever else you think is great about it. Now you may only use it a couple times or you might love it and use it every day, but it shows that you have a plan and are excited about it.

Ok that ended up being really long, sorry. But I'm sure you get my idea. Just be confident, firm and excited. Don't question your excitement or commitment and don't let her do it either. If all else fails, smile, nod, and pass the bean dip! lol
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