coping with bad family descisions - Page 2

[Peppermint]

I know how you feel, similar with my SIL. I remember asking her when she was preg. wether or not she would have a boy circ.ed, and she was like, "I hadn't thought about it, yeah we would", no religious reason, no medical reason, just a decision she made in 2 seconds. FTR- I had my son circ.ed, so I'm not debating that. I get to feeling this way with things other than parenting too, it is hard when someone you feel close to has different opinions on very important things, and when you had hoped they would be the "other crazy one" in the family

My advice is similar to what others have said, try to be an example, when she brings things up, offer your opinion and let her take it or leave it, that's all you can do. Also, I was totally not AP at that stage of motherhood either, so it can be something she grows into with a good role model, mine was LLL. (I loved the "take what you like and leave the rest behind")

Good luck.

[Foobar]

AH, So there IS more to this than just being upset with the specific choices.

You're upset that she's not on your wagon!

That's a different story! Ok, since she asked about co-sleeping and such, maybe she DID make an educated decision about it. Maybe her DH pushed her to make some choices that she didn't want to...

I would still strongly suggest a gift subscription to mothering and to call and support her when you can! You might be able to win her over.

Just like most things in life, her current parenting style will change. Why not be subtle and work on changing her YOUR way!

Hang in there, mama! You've got your nephew's whole childhood to educate his mom!

[Jennifer Z]

Another thought: Is she possibly suffering from PPD? My mom told me that she would sometimes have to just put me in my crib and let me cry because she just got too overwhelmed. Maybe she is just ready to "lose it" and letting dc CIO is the only thing she knows to do right now to keep from hurting the child.

Also, I would give her some time. Time is so distorted when you have a new one. I look back on pictures of ds at a week old and remember feeling like he had been ours for months already. Maybe she is just so tired and hormonal that she just isn't thinking very clearly right now.

If her parenting philosophies continue to go down a road that you aren't comfortable with, I would change the guardian. I would, however, give it at least another month or two.

[Piglet68]

I think the OP is referring to things we can all relate to - how we feel when relatives or close friends make different choices than we do - and it's a good discussion so far. Please let's not start a circ'ing debate here. I don't want to have to close this! Thanks.

[merpk]

May I second a wonderful suggestion in an earlier post:

Get her a gift subscription to "Mothering."

It's so much more effective than a lecture. Those you ignore, right? Or get defensive about. Much more effective than a book. Books you can throw on the shelf and forget. A magazine shows up every month, you pick it up, read a little, toss it aside, pick it up again ... very subversive, doncha think?

[alie]

I think it might have to do with your relationship with SIL. I too have had such a push-pull, sometimes I felt like I wanted to be close (and we actually are philosophically almost the same) but then something would happen and my feelings would be hurt. I would feel disappointed and upset. Because she is family, I can't altogether cut her out, but now I am very careful about what I let her know (of course dh sometimes is more open with her-and she attacks me as a parent which really hurts-I dont think she even notices). I just feel that I have to keep it light and we cant be truly close. Sometimes I am sad about this, but that's the way it is, like a professional relationship more than a heart relationship.